im 17 what do u think of this poem i just wrote plz be honest. please please please tell me what u think.....?

Question

365 days have come and gone
still we're here without you
and it just feels so wrong.
it's like we're living in 2 worlds
here on earth, alone
and with you in heaven, that's home.
but we don't know how to get there just yet
because i guess our time's not through
just know that when we can
we'll find our way to you.
and tho we cried and couldn't understand
when the angels came for you
we soon found peace in god's promised plan
for the heaven he had in store for you.
see, god couldn't wait to take you home
to show you everything
you'd never known.
to watch you run
on streets of gold
to see you marvel
at things untold.
to watch you
sing, and laugh, and play
yes, god chose that special day.
and when OUR time is finished
and through;
just watch--
we'll be smiling as god brings us home,
To You.....

i wrote this just a few days ago on the one year anniversary of my brother's death. i was 16, he was 18. he was handicapped, and he could never walk, or talk, or see, or play or anything. so that's why i make it sound like he was a little kid, because basically he was.


please be honest and tell me if this is good for my age.

Answer 1

WOW, i am blown away, very nice poem....u should be very proud of urself....i know ur brother is!!!

Answer 2

Im sure your brother would have apreciated what you did for him, is a very nice poem and hope i like the way you explained the wonders of heaven and how you are hoping to some day return home, very nice, ill cu in heaven , God Bless!

Answer 3

Your poem reflects the pain you feel at the loss of your brother. It is beautifully scripted. It brought a lump in my throat, that's how good it is.
Cherish the moments you shared with him.
Believe me, he is in a much better place. The Lord is right there with him helping him cross the crowded streets of heaven.
May his soul rest in peace, and may the Lord give you strength to overcome this painful experience of losing a loved one.

Answer 4

I think it is a very beautiful poem. I love it! It inspires people to be kind and sweet like you. It reminds people all over the world what they go through, when it is time for a loved one to go they are sad, but they go to a better place. Remember you are never alone.

Answer 5

i think of which you're down (unhappy or disillusioned even dissapointed). however the poem is written properly.on a daily basis persons are dying wheather we observe or not yet on an identical time as we are a existence attempt to assist one yet another and make finished use of our existence by using doing stable issues and pray to god.

Answer 6

I really like it. Sorry that you have had to live through this. I am happy that you seem to have accepted it and found a positive way to channel your emotions. You are obviously a very special person.

Answer 7

It made me cry...I lost my son 5 years ago and although I used to write poetry, I haven't been able to capture my feelings with words about his death. You summed it up very well. I understand your pain and I'm glad you are able to find some peace through your writing.

Answer 8

It's great for your age, however, this is drawing + illustration -- a poem is not either of those categories! If you're smart enough to write such a beautiful poem, surely you're smart enough to categorize your questions correctly?

Answer 9

AT 17 IT APPEARS YOU SOME QUALITY OF CONCEPTUAL IMAGERY. TO CALL THAT A POEM IS A BIT OF A STRETCH THOUGH. YOUR WRITING HAS A MIXTURE OF PROSE AND THEN RHYME. PRACTICE WRITING IN RHYME IN FOUR LINE PARAGRAPHS, SIMILIAR TO A SONNET. LET YOUR STORY UNFOLD AT EACH SEGMENT, TRY TO COME TO A CLOSE BY THE 6TH. PARAGRAPH.

Answer 10

Very good, it almost moved me to tears, made my eyes tingle. I am sorry for the loss of your brother. God Bless

Answer 11

Very nice poem. Your brother would be proud of you. Keep writing if you feel inspired.