I want to have a baby soon...But my husband wants to wait...?

Question

I want to start planning to get pregnant in a year or so, but my husband won't even listen to me. He's all about "planning" and "being ready", which I know is impossible. He wants to wait about 5 years till we are older. We are both 22. We have been happily married for 2 1/2 years and we both have full time jobs and a house.....everything! He just can't stand when I bring up the "baby" thing. He goes crazy and thinks I'm ridiculous. I'm starting to think this man doesn't want to have children with me, and I know it bothers me more than he wants to believe. He's assured me tons of times that he wants us to have kids in the future....But WAY in the future. He doesn't even like to be around my friends who have kids. What can I do? I love this man, and it seems like most other men are excited about kids and almost want it more than the woman. But my husband is the opposite! HELP!

Answer 1

most men hide the fact that they are not ready for kids. they just say this because it's what they wife wants. but when the kids come, the problems come. you're only 22, and married a little while, listen to the man, he's telling you how he feels, kids right now may ruin your marriage. maybe he wants the two of you to enjoy each other a little while longer, before you start to sharing attention with someone else. kids require lots of attention, maybe he's not ready for that. he won't be a good parent if he is not ready, and you don't want to do this alone. his life will change with a child, give him time, keep your marriage young a while longer. you be his baby as long as he wants. if he doesn't want a child after five years--the hard years, then he might leave you if you decide to force a child on him.

Answer 2

First, at least he is willing to admit it instead of filing for a divorce after you have children. You should get a pamplet from a doctor's office explaining the difficulties of pregnancy as you get older, then set an estimated amount of time that you BOTH agree upon b4 trying to become pregnant. Now, he isn't wrong either! If a man isn't ready mentally, finacially, or maturity then he shouldn't be pressured into it but in your defense he shouldn't make you wait 'til there is going to be too big of a generation gap between you two and your children. You will never under each other nor get along very well. You all will think they are too young and they will think you are too old. But then again, grandparents are great with kids.

Answer 3

Wanting to have children is a big responsibility. You definitely want to have a home not rental or trailer parks...a brick home that you are buying and then prepare to start your family. That is my suggestion and the reason is simple, the two largest investments for the American dream is a house and a car. Once you have paid off the new car...you're ready to move on to your next investment...children and the average cost for raising a child is $25,000 a year. You wonder why there are so many children denied the full impact of what life should be instead of wondering where they will sleep next or will they eat today and wil they get Medical care and if your less fortunate...naturally the Government picks up the tab on tax payers money. It is horrible when you think about. I have one son grown already, I am actually glad that is all I had to raise on my income and it was rough, but we survived. I could only imagine a family of 6 or 9 children and wages form the parents that barely make ends meet.

Answer 4

Best advice is to wait, if you force this issue with him it will only make him more determined to wait. If he says he wants kids then you should believe him but there is no point in bringing a child into the world until both parents are ready.Give it some more time and if it doesnt change in the next year you might want to consider finding someone who wants the same things you do.

Answer 5

You have to respect his feelings and cannot "force" someone to be a father until they really want to be one. I would give him a couple more years as long as everything else in your marriage is healthy and feels good to you. If, after a couple of years, he is still saying the same things as he is today then you will have to make a very difficult choice...stay with him and possibly live a childless life or leave in order to find a man who also wants children.

Answer 6

Relax, there's plenty of time to have children. Your husband is right to want to plan things. He's told you and reassured you and you keep harping on it. I also think you're being a bit ridiculous.
Don't be one of those silly girls who "accidentally on purpose" forgets her birth control. Enjoy being young, enjoying being the 2 of you, enjoy all the things now and stop nagging ang pushing and whining about it. It's not attractive. The way you're behaving is starting to sound very immature and self-centered, and surely you're neither, right?

Answer 7

I think he is being practical, and the two of you need to come to some sort of compromise. Usually this is done before the marriage so each partner knows where the other stands.

Answer 8

Being married is not being tied down. Having children is putting the handcuffs on someone that age. If he is looking at other women then he does not want to be tied down with children.

Answer 9

I am also thinking he was resistant to the thought of marriage, and yet your married. You have to let this idea grow on him, and be patient. I am not sure but I don't think men have a biological clock.
Good Luck

Answer 10

If your husband is waiting "until the right time" then you will never have children. Tell him just how much it means to you. I had my daughter just before my 20th birthday and is the joy of my life. She is now in med. school. I hope he will change his mind. I think he's just afraid. Show him this. Children are a beautiful gift from God!