My wife's parents are cuban. They have 3 children; two daughters and 1 son. The son was born in the United States. The three children got together (one of which is my wife) to give their father a "80th-birthday party." Their mother was given the job of making, and mailing, the birthday invitations.
When we got OUR copy of the invitation, it stated that their "son and his wife" were throwing a birthday party for his dad. There was NO mention of the two daughters being any part of this party.
My wife, and her sister, of course - WERE FURIOUS! Their mother reminded them that "the son comes first" in a Cuban family. My wife asked "what about HIS wife?" Well, she is cuban (she was also born in the USA). So That Makes It "All Right..."
I am not Cuban, nor is my brother in law. So we are invisible to the eyes of her parents. AND our kids, too. Not cuban... The brother-in-law's daughter was born in the USA too. But SHE is their ONLY grandchild, and Cuban, too...
What do you think of this?
2006-10-10 14:05:58 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Think of it? It stinks. Ignoring the contributions of anybody, especially someone you're supposed to love, stinks. Of course, that gets you nowhere, because...
...you can't change the way someone else thinks. It's been explained to Mom that she hurt your wife, and your sister-in-law, and left out his wife, and you, and... And Mom didn't get it. Doesn't want to get it.
So what to do? Go to the party and have a good time. If anyone mentions how great everything is, say, "Yes, my wife and her sister put in a lot of work on this." Show that you are proud of your wife and her sister, no matter who else elects to ignore them.
Let's put it this way - my husband's family is very clannish. When his grandparent's 50th anniversary rolled around, it was just before our wedding. His aunt elected to omit me from the huge family portrait, because I wasn't family. To some of them, I'm not family even now, just part of the "ladies' auxiliary." Why let it chap me? My husband loves me, and thinks I'm very important, and respects me.
Show your wife how proud you are of her (and it wouldn't hurt to throw a bone to your sister-in-law) - a better use of your time than futilely trying to drag the cavepeople out of the stone age. Good luck!
2006-10-10 14:20:45 · answer #1 · answered by peculiarpup 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your wife's mother shouldn't of left out your wife and sister's name. It's kinda disrespectful since your wife and her sister are playing a role in the party too. Now, I'm not sure about the customs and beliefs that the Cubans have-but if it was me, I'd talk to your wife's mother and say that it wasn't fair to leave off the daughters' names on the invitation if they are planning it too.
It wouldn't really be right of your wife and her sis to stop planning the party-for it's an 80th birthday they are planning and it's very important. So she should keep planning the party for her father but make sure that her mother knows that they would've at least come AFTER the son.
I think Grandma needs to include all of her family-Cuban or not Cuban. That's just my view though-again, I don't know the customs and beliefs that the Cubans have.
2006-10-10 14:15:03 · answer #2 · answered by sweetdollツ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The father is 80 years old! That in itself is a blessing. Enjoy his day. Remember who the celebration is for, don't ruin his day with hurt feelings. Everyone should put their feelings aside and honor this 80 year old father.
How many people agrue over something trival like this, only to have the family member to not be with us on the next holiday or celebration. Honor this man and love him while you have the time. When he passes, whose name was on a birthday invitation will not be an issue.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUBAN FATHER!!
2006-10-10 14:36:15 · answer #3 · answered by emotional blonde 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that some cultures put to much in a person's self worth ..ie the sex or born in USA or wherever ..People have feelings and they see the favoritism but that is how she was raised You don't have to agree with her BUT I would state at the party OH BTW Mom FORGOT to say the party was from ...then name the missing people ... I was an asian child ..Girl
2006-10-10 14:12:42 · answer #4 · answered by southernn_sky_2020 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hate to say it but i will, if my spouse was not invited or welcomed to attend something special as that, i would stay home also, send a card and let it be known that you both would have like to attend but due to not being recognized you feel it best to remain at your home
2006-10-10 14:11:39 · answer #5 · answered by mamma bird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
CRAZY FAMILY IS FAMILY YOUR MOTHERN-LAW IS WRONG BUT SHE SET IN HER WAYS JUST KEEP PUSHING
2006-10-10 14:14:54 · answer #6 · answered by sugar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋