My fiance tells me what to do, when to do it...I just cannot live! He makes me tell him where I am every second....what do I do?!?! I dont want to ruin my life, but I dont want to lose something I've always wanted...
2006-10-10 13:56:26 · 36 answers · asked by mandapierson 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Manda,
I guess you have to ask your self have you always wanted to be controlled? On the other hand he maybe insecure is there any reason that he may feel that way that you know of? If you love him talk to him and be honest with him and your self put it all out on the table the situations the options and don't be afraid to call it off if necessary.
2006-10-10 14:02:25 · answer #1 · answered by shawn_mauldin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have always wanted to be a door mat? Cuz that's what you are right now and will continue to be after you get married. I've been there before and it doesn't get better, in fact, it gets worse and worse. Never ever allow someone to act like this towards you. They knock down your self esteem until you honestly believe that you love them, when really all you want to do is run like hell. Run and don't look back if you don't want to be the door mat. Counseling doesn't help anyone that doesn't want the help, so unless he really honestly wants to change(and for more than just a couple days/weeks), counseling isn't going to help him. It can help you to understand why a decision like this is hard to make. Good luck dear
2006-10-10 14:09:51 · answer #2 · answered by spunkyshell2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why have you always wanted someone that acts like he is your father?
His controlling ways are only going to lead to abuse in the future.
Get out of this relationship while you can. Your fiance is insecure and has low self esteem. He doesn't love himself, so he can't possibly love you.
Without trust a relationship is nothing and it seems as though he doesn't trust you. If he did, he wouldn't be wanting you to do everything he says and wanting to know what you're doing and where you are every second.
Marrying him will be your biggest regret, so let go of him before you tie the knot.
2006-10-10 13:59:12 · answer #3 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Is living with someone who tries to control every aspect of your life what you've always wanted? Because that is what you're going to get. Marriage will not change that.
You love him, and that's fine - you don't ask to love someone, you just do or don't. What you're facing is a choice about what to do about it. If this quality were to stay the same, or even get worse, would you want to live that way? That's the choice here.
If the answer is "yes, it's annoying, but I could live with it," then fine - it's just a character quirk, you learn to live with it.
If the answer is "no, I would go insane," then you try to talk to him about it. If he's willing, you get counseling - family or couples counseling isn't just for married couples. You can get it (and should) before marriage.
If he won't go, then you have to ask yourself if you can live with this for the rest of your life, because he isn't interested in changing it. If you can't, or don't want to, then you go - and love him from a distance. Good luck!
2006-10-10 14:05:38 · answer #4 · answered by peculiarpup 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, be honest with us. You don't want to lose something you have always wanted. What is it? Have you always wanted to be controlled by a man? Have you always wanted to be kept under someone else's magnifying glass to make sure you do what you are told?
Or have you always wanted to be married, and you think he is the only way you will ever get there? Do you honestly love the man for who he is, or do you love him because you want to be married?
How in the world could you ever love someone who had no respect for you as a person? You are just a possession to this jerk. Things will only get worse if you marry him. That's how men who abuse their wives started. They are controlling the the beginning, then they start to physically abuse their wives. You really don't have much of a future ahead of you with this guy.
2006-10-10 14:01:29 · answer #5 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a signal of lack of trust . To my understanding he does not trust you and/or feels insecure or he is being unfaithful to you and he is afraid that you might do the same thing to him. I know this is hard to hear but for me this is not a healthy relationship. You should not be in a relationship where you feel like a prisoner. In my opinion you should sit him down and talk to him about the situation and find ways you can resolve them. If this does not work then you should leave him. Clearly in this world you WILL find a person where you feel safe and loved. Please do not feel that because this relationship does not work you are not going to find a better person that gives you the respect and love that you deserve. There is always a special person for each and every one of us.
2006-10-10 14:08:37 · answer #6 · answered by Liz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself. Do you really want a man who tells you what to do and when to do it . It'll only get worse not any better. You can try talking to him but usually a man that is controlling will always be that way. And as long as you continue doing everything he tells you to do he feels you have accepted his ways. Plz don't think that it will change after marriage cause it won't.
2006-10-10 14:28:37 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've always wanted someone to control you?
That's what you're life is going to be like if you marry this guy.
Your marriage will be a divorce waiting to happen or perhaps something much worse.
Really think about this and make the decision to leave....you deserve so much better.
2006-10-10 14:02:14 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar experience and although it was profoundly painful because I was in love with him (I think I was in love with him more than when I married my actual husband) I left him because I felt I could not breath and I realized I would end up in a bad relation. That guy married a woman who was raised in an arab country and I bet she loves that he controls everything because that is what they are trained to fall in love with. Someone told me that this guy will find someone who likes his way and if I felt like I was soffocating then it was not the right onw for me/ I was also about to marry him and that made things even worse but you get over it. Good luck
2006-10-10 14:03:28 · answer #9 · answered by Incredula c 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you think you can spend the rest of your life putting up with that behavior? It has gotten progressively worse right. I mean when he met you he didn't tell you to go home and wait for him to call. It will get worse. And if you are willing to put up with it ask yourself Why. Do you need a dad? Wouldn't it be nice to have a partner? or even a boyfriend in the literal sense. Life is long and full of people.
2006-10-10 14:03:22 · answer #10 · answered by stephaniewilliams414 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋