i live in a joint family .. my husband is great..but unfortunately inmyinitial years of marriage i was NEGLECTED tothecore ..i was young ..but i managed.. sadly enough i had an emotinal affair with my brotherin law (husbands youngerbrother)its not that we made "out" or kissed ... but yeah...we had our few "moments" of hugging..it allgot over in2003(startedin2002) he was engaged..(arranged marriage) ..but as we continued to live under 1 roof ...we started fighting tooth and nail... in the mid of this year..SURPRISINGLY..as now im a mom too...something triggered off and hello... we realize there isstill lots of potential...but no physicals...fyi. now he is getting married end of next month ... yes.. things did happen on/off b/w us .. (emotional) but now ..iv stopped myself. At ,times he does .i know this sux ..but this is 1 reality of mylife.im SCARED... whats gonna happen??? wat on his wedding day... wat ..im scared!!!!!!!!!!
2006-10-10 13:21:39 · 14 answers · asked by barley 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
WELL...my keyboard is bad!!!
Im already a MOM... things happen ... i did not choose this situation...but iv chosen my actions ... that is solely my way of being committed..i know i can never calll myself loyal..but i admit it.
Non..of us can move out .. hence my Question!!!!!!!
Sorry.. i beleive i come across as a smug!!!!!!!!!
if someone thinks they can talk to me..plz mail me!!!
2006-10-10 13:29:19 · update #1
peculiar... can yu e mail me???
moving out is impossible..so is impossibleattending wedding functions..from Ato Z
2006-10-10 13:38:48 · update #2
i think i should have mentioned it>>..although these things happened ... there was NEVER AN ACKOWLEDGMENT sp?
yu know what i mean??? it happens..we are kind .. or he may touch my hand/cheek but next moment he /i will act normal....!!!!!!!!! i justdunno whatto do!!!!!
2006-10-10 13:58:04 · update #3
can anyone talk to ...im so stressed!
2006-10-10 14:05:09 · update #4
Wow. Heavy stuff. The good news here is that you don't have to magically get over him, which might be next to impossible, as it usually takes time.
You didn't ask to feel this way - you just do. Right or wrong comes in depending on what you do about how you feel. Arranged or not, he's going through with the marriage. No matter how much pressure is put on him, he's a free person who is making a choice - to go along with the arranged marriage. If he wanted to be with you, he would be. You have to respect his choice.
Okay, so there's chemistry between you. Put it in perspective. So there's chemistry - that isn't the beginning and ending of the world. You're going to feel "chemistry" with various people over the course of your life - attraction is a normal part of life. Plus, you were neglected, so you're vulnerable. Any attention would feel like a VERY big deal to you.
What to do? Get out! Take a class. Meet some people. As you feel more confident about yourself and meet lots of people, you'll be able to put this thing with your BIL into perspective - he'll be AN attractive guy instead of THE attractive guy. In the meantime, ask yourself why this guy was getting so close to his brother's wife? Attraction or not, he didn't have to pursue that attraction. He could have kept his distance. That was also a choice - and not an admirable one.
Also ask yourself who you want to be - do you want to be the woman who cheated on her husband (with his BROTHER?) and broke up her brother's marriage? I'm guessing you're better than that. So you feel tempted - remind yourself that you are not that person, you are someone with honor, and keep your distance from your BIL. Be pleasant, be cordial - but from a safe distance.
BTW, "lead us not into temptation." Staying in the same house is playing with fire. Playing with fire is tempting, but it never ends well. What you do is make other choices, and stick to them, to be the kind of person you can respect. Good luck!
2006-10-10 13:32:57 · answer #1 · answered by peculiarpup 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, it sounds as if you have woven a tangled web! First, it is an understandable situation as far as you 2 being closer in age, under the same roof, him single at the time, and you not completely happy in your marriage. now in reality WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? With that said , you need to talk to your b-in law and explain exactly how you want the do's and don'ts to be between the 2 of you. Stand by them and stay away from him w/o looking to obvious to everyone else. Second, become good friends with his intended to help yourself to care more for her as a friend than for him as a would be lover. Tell him you will never mention anything to her but that you want to be friends with her since she and you will be in the same household and a part of the same family. Concentrate on yur marriage and child/children. Don't ever confess to ANYONE, if the family is close enough to share a household then they are a lot closer then you would expect in conversations. I'm sure it's like living in a glass house. My thought are with you, Good Luck!
2006-10-10 13:48:54 · answer #2 · answered by Liome 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl I have been in your situation and don't let these people on here put you down, my husband neglected me too and cheated on me like crazy. His younger brother did not live with us, but we got close and things happened. You have to be careful in the one, I got hurt, as my husband/his brother found out about us and now they won't talk to each other any more. Mostly the brother won't talk to my husband, I don't get that part. I don't reccommend you hide your feelings as you may regret it. I know I didn't tell his brother how much I really loved him, now it's too late, he won't talk to me either. It's partially my fault, as I let my stupid husband convince me that he said things he didn't and threaten me with my kids and car and such in order to make me tell his brothers wife about things. So anyway, like I said, if you feel you care a lot for this guy tell him, he may secretly care for you more as well. I don't know your situation but in mine, he cared a lot for me to, and we had a great relationship till my husband ruined it. Your husband is a jerk, as is mine, and you need to go for whatever it is that makes you happy. If you don't love his brother, then I would say don't even make the step, as it will kill the brothers relationship, how well do they get along? You need to evaluate the whole situation before you make your decision because if something does happen and your husband finds out the brothers will most likely never speak again. But I'm just telling you from my experience. If your feelings are just like and lust, leave the husband, stay away from the brother, someone will come along. Hope this helps.
2006-10-10 14:10:04 · answer #3 · answered by countrygrl278 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are emotionally battered. your husband is good for nothing & doesn't know how to take care of a wife. I'm sorry but I think the best wasy for you to get out of the situation is literally get out of the house. find your own place then redeem your self respect. what happened in that family house with your brother in law is not your will. you make an excuse not to attend his wedding. at least you don't have to worry how you might react during the day. like I said, start looking for a place of your own & move asap.
2006-10-10 13:31:32 · answer #4 · answered by lette 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
pleaseeeeeeeeee tell him how oyu feel about him....if you love him an he loves you then you need to tell him how you feel if you an him decide you wnt to be toghther then you need to telly our husband that deep down he new it because he neglected you an you found an alternitive of his love....it would be hard but i am sure you would make it an your baby would be in a more stable surounding because you an him wouldnt be fighting as much as you an your husband ....on another side if you decide not to tell im how you feel you will suffer seein him every day w/his wife an in the future mabe there kids plus you being un happy w/ oyur neglectful husband an your child caught in the midle of your un happyness an your neglectful husband......you decide how you want to live because we here can do no more for you....you have to decide what happens next....good luck an i wish you an your new babe the best bye bye an you can email me or instant message me on yahoo if oyu need any thing else....bye bye
2006-10-10 13:45:54 · answer #5 · answered by none of your biz. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that's scary. I extremely have 4 cats residing jointly for round a million a million/2 years. i wish no longer some thing like that takes position. i might want to take the cat to the vet and get it regarded at. That basically would not look widespread.
2016-10-16 04:24:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got no good options. If you make any kind of move for the brother in law, you will destroy the trust of your husband and his family. You will have to take one for the team and keep your mouth shut. Otherwise, you may end up on the street. It will get better with time...
2006-10-10 13:26:09 · answer #7 · answered by JillA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.All of you should put everything on hold. People search out other people for reasons. And if you have to ask questions about it then there are open ends. Open ends and lies always come round. Nothing good can came from you all in the same house, especially with truth untolds.
2006-10-10 13:26:57 · answer #8 · answered by Zookeeper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you may be missing out on the real love of your life here. Am i close? Don't let him marry until you confront him and at least give an opportunity to be honest with you also. Perhaps you should divorce, and marry the love in your life.
2006-10-10 13:25:36 · answer #9 · answered by janet r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spell check...or fix your space bar...ummm...you're obviously not committed to your husband, because you just stated it...so...abort the baby, crush the man's heart, and confess your feelings for his younger brother. Feel sick to your stomach yet? So do I...you need help lady, you'll only find that from a licensed psychologist...go.
2006-10-10 13:25:08 · answer #10 · answered by Kamikaze 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋