i love you more then the world. i always have and always will. the smile on your face lights up my day. the way you say my name makes my heart flutter away. i cant wait to hear your laugh, so sweet and so gentle. i feel something for you. but i often wonder if its true. i know you do not feel the same way. so i will wait for that day when true happiness unfolds and you are in my arms once more.
2006-10-10 11:40:37 · 19 answers · asked by runfree925 2 in Sports ➔ Baseball
sure, why not.
2006-10-10 12:51:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try this:
I love you more than the world
i always have and always will
the smile on your face lights
up my day
the way you say my name makes my heart
flap away
i can't wait to hear your laugh
So sweet , so gentle
you know i feel something for you
and i often wonder if it is true
you do not feel the same way
And i don't want you to go away
so i will wait that day - when happiness unfolds
and you are in my arms
once more
2006-10-10 18:54:06 · answer #2 · answered by catherine 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
its good... but you need to write it in stanzas like this:
i love you more then the world.
i always have and always will.
the smile on your face lights up my day.
the way you say my name makes my heart flutter away.
and it ALMOST lacks rythem... thats what poetry is really about. not rhyming. it barley has rhythem, so think about that before you write your next one. but its pretty cool!
2006-10-10 18:49:45 · answer #3 · answered by Marissa 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why is this in the baseball section???
here's a better poem:
if you dont know baseball
go away
if you dont know of baseball
stay away
2006-10-10 18:52:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you wrote this to give to someone, I am sure they will appreciate it because it is written from the heart and seems sincere. On general poetry merit it is so so. Sorry, but you asked.
2006-10-10 18:44:55 · answer #5 · answered by dudeman 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Even thou you chose the wrong category, my answer is: I like your poem because it's a little naive but plain and honest.
2006-10-10 18:49:25 · answer #6 · answered by Andi Rolf 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
a little ruff around the edges keep trying
2006-10-10 18:43:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's okay.... Don't expect to make it to Def Poetry Jam or anything though...
2006-10-10 18:42:46 · answer #8 · answered by jimmy h 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it is sweet that is how I feel about my x
now go read the poem I just posted tell me mwhat you think
PLEEASSSE : )
2006-10-10 18:43:57 · answer #9 · answered by Missbribri 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Too cheesy.
2006-10-14 15:13:39 · answer #10 · answered by krimeboss001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cut out all unnecessary words.
it will become shorter snappier and have more rhythm.
2006-10-10 18:43:57 · answer #11 · answered by tui 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋