my husband suspects me of having an affair?

Question

i was with a friend and went back to his house his girlfriend came back and found us sitting together she went mad i told my husband but now he thinks she caught us doing something what should i do help i am married 8 years

Answer 1

You won't like my answer (no 10 points for me), but I think it's the truth. You made two mistakes. First, you had 8 years to build up a relationship built on mutual respect and trust. That's time enough, but it didn't happen. Your husband's jealousy is based either on his own insecurity as a man (which you did little to resolve over the past 8 years, though you had many tools to do so), or his lack of respect and trust towards you.
Second, you put yourself in a position where you could be subject to question. You should have never, EVER been alone with a man in his home, regardless of your friendship, intentions or actions. This made your integrity questionable. You redoubled this mistake by being physically close to him while there. This made questioning your integrity easy.

The "fix" is not what you might think, but also comes in two parts. The first is a matter of respect and trust. Tell your husband what happened, and what didn't, apologize for your mistakes (both of them), and leave it at that. Answer his questions honestly as they come, but othewise leave it alone. You have to respect his judgement, and trust him to reach the right conclusions.
The second is a matter of self respect. Spouses don't have affairs if they have high self-esteem. They have affairs when they are vulnerable, not when they are strong. Don't debase yourself with him. It will be counter-productive. Show him that you are strong, and confident. That even though you had a lapse in judgement, you are not vulnerable to a lapse of honor. Then start making up for the past 8 years of not building his (and your) self esteem, and the mutual respect and trust that should have been there years ago.

Answer 2

You elected to go to the mans house for a reason. I think that you are looking in having an affair. It is not right for what you did and if I were your husband, I would be feeling the same way. Why do some men and women think that this is what they are supposed to do after getting married. Leave you husband and get divorced and then you can sit on the couch with any man.

Answer 3

You need to sit down with your husband and talk it out. Don't let too much time go by. If you have not done any g ame playing in the past then you don't have a lot to worry about.

It is never a good idea to see a "friend' of the opposite sex at a private place. If you must meet an old frined (did he used to be a lover by the way?), then do it in a public place and let your husband know about it. Not asking permission, just keeping him posted.

He obviously did not tell his GF either.

Search your heart. Was there a hidden agenda there?

Are you bored?

Good luck. Honesty is best.

Answer 4

He should trust you and she should of trusted her husband, you just need to sit down together and talk it through don't intrupt eachother as this will just cause an arguement. Tell him what happened and if he feels a bit un easy you spending time with a male friend alone like that then you wont ever again because in a relationship you have got to comprmise and i'm sure you love him too bits and he will love you you have just got to talk this through and explain to him what happened and how his wife went so over the top and that you are glad you he doesn't go to such extremes

Answer 5

It comes down to trust. You and you only know what did/ did not happen. In a trustworthy relationship, you shouldn't need to justify yourself if you didn't do anything. You however need to sit down and ask yourself truthfully what the REAL motive was for your going to that man's house in the first instance. Perhaps your marriage isn't quite as strong or fulfilled as it should be and were secretly seeking attention (not necessarily affection/ sex). If you are totally innocent, why even bother writing here. I think you both need a break away together, even if it is just for the weekend.

Answer 6

I think your husband should grow up. I'm a woman with lots of male friends, doesn't mean I'm having an affair with any of them. And yes I've been alone with some of them in a private place, still nothing going on there! He should trust you and accept your word that it was an innocent meeting; anything less than trust is insulting.

Answer 7

Well in all honest, and just know that this is coming from someone who is fool of allot of bullsh**, BUT that didn't look good for and i can understand from you're point of view too, but i can really understand where he's coming from as well.But all u can do is plead your case and if he doesn't understand then what can u do, RIGHT. Understand him and look at it from his stand point and if u caught him with someone what would think so u can't be mad at him for thinking that way but what i want to know is, did he always know about this friend and have u guys always been that close? if so he just trippin', he trying to start something. But other wise i can understand and for your sake i hope u were not doing anything that i WOULD have done, but all in all, Good Luck!

Answer 8

Wow, why would you go back to another married man's house? You need to get the four of you together and talk over the whole thing, your friend's relationship is probably suffering as well. Or maybe marriage counseling, its a trust thing. But you've gotta learn not to get yourself in those types of situations.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

in my experiance with woman. None of you can be trusted. so why should you be any diffrent. But i no doubt that you said in your lame defence. Oh stop being stupid. There is nothing happening. But let me guess. If you foung your husband sitting down in your house or her house on there own. It would not quite be the same would it?