If one's parents weren't happily married, does one have any chance of forming a lasting, happy relationship?

Question

Or is one doomed?

Answer 1

It's not doomed, but we definitely have more challenges. Have you heard the saying....."you do what you know". That applies to people like us who had parents in an unhappy or volatile relationship. Even though that dynamic makes you uncomfortable as a child - it's the only one that you know and so when you're in a relationships it feels "comfortable" to act that way. You'll probably also tend to attract people that are similar. It's unfortunate, but we're humans and this is how we are built. If you want to try and break the mold, you'll have to sit down and write out the things your parents did to each other that you never want to do in a relationship and then really work on them each and every day. You may also consider dating someone that you don't initially have a huge attraction to - but that you like. We are attracted to like creatures and your first instincts of lust and desire towards a person, may be a person similar to you with the same issues. Try dating outside your comfort zone a little bit and you may end up with a man who is more balanced. And lastly, if you're really concerned you could try seeing a therapist and talking this issue out. It's good that you want to fix these things now instead of waiting until it's too late. Bravo!

Answer 2

My wife's father was a cheating, abusive alcoholic. Her mom took the kids with her to confront him at his "girlfriends" house, where she intended to kill him. He fought for the gun, which went off and struck my wife (then a child). She's been in a wheelchair ever since. You can't get much more disfunctional than that.

Vickie and I have many, many years in a lasting, loving relationship, in spite of the obvious hardships. Three years ago we welcomed our first granddaughter to the family.

One is not "doomed". The deck isn't even stacked against you. Whether your relationship works or not is not based on what happened before, but what happens within it. It does not matter who you were, but who you are; where you've been, but where you're going.

p.s. Lighten up. Life isn't nearly as hard as you think it is.

Answer 3

No, one is not doomed. You will have a pretty bad outlook on relationships in your future though. Because you didn't have a good model of it growing up, you may become needy for a relationship in the future. In your case, just take it how it comes. Don't be in a hurry for things to be perfect, and don't feel like you have to make up for your parents unhappiness.

Answer 4

You will always have a good chance. My parents fought a lot while we were growing up. I've now been with the same wonderful man for 5 years. I just think of what they did and try to learn from them!

Answer 5

You can do better than your parents. You know what they did wrong. It takes some extra effort to keep yourself from acting like them sometimes in a stressful situation.
I'm sure there were other people in your life who had a good relationship. You can learn from them.
You can't let your past hold you back. You had no control over your parents marriage but you can have control over what your marriage becomes. Good Luck.

Answer 6

yeh i know what your saying my parents arent bad people but ive grown up with them just going at it all the time never physicall hit each other but verbally it can be just as bad as theres allways an atmosphere and not rearly a good environment to grow up in i cant exsplaine it but it does affect you when thats all youve seen growing up i think it has definatly affected me but then im still here 24 and gotta get out of this place lol.but this doesnt mean you cant learn from there mistakes but i do understand.

Answer 7

Are your friendships the same as your mothers/fathers? No need to follow in your parents footsteps, however mistakes will be made according to what choices before you if youre rushing into a relationship. Take it slow and learn to be kind and considerate of your partner always. :D:D:D

Answer 8

hubby and I have been married now for 15 years. We both had difficult child hoods with parents either divorced or constantly rowing. We both agree we are more determined to make our marriage work because of this - so it has prob given us more of a chance not less.

Answer 9

You're not doomed. All you have to do is learn by their mistakes,figure out what you think is wrong with their relationship and do the opposite.

Answer 10

Yes, b/c u have seen worlds of WRONGS and can learn from them... u will probably b more cautious and think b4 u do/say things as a result i know i have i'm 31 and still unmarried ! but i have had some long term relationships...