My husband and Iare divorcing after a very loving marriage. He was having emotional afairs with women he met online, calling them, cahtting until all hours of the morning. I never planned it to be this way. Any advice on how to fix my relationship or deal with this pain.
Counceling is out of the question, we have no insurance. He doesn't seem to want to change his chatting online either. We agreed to remain best friends at least and take care of eachother. But I miss him with every part of my soul. HE was my first everything.
2006-10-10 10:44:46 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It wasn't a "very loving" marriage if he was cheating on you emotionally. There was something missing in that relationship. You need to realize that. If he can't stop his "chatting", then he either has an addictive personality or doesn't care enough about you or the marriage to try to right his wrongs. YOu are still hurting and he is causing it. Why do you feel the need to be friends with him? You're holding on to what "was" instead of what "is.
I'm not saying that your marriage can't be fixed, but you both have to want it and be willing to work to remedy it. You say you have no insurance so counseling is out of the question. This is critical, so think of something else. If you are part of a church, go to your minister or rabbi. Go online and look for solutions. Talk to someone you trust (maybe your mom or sister) for advice. You have to either work to fix it or remove yourself from it. You are allowing yourself to be used and emotionally abused.
2006-10-10 10:53:51 · answer #1 · answered by Apple21 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Because he was first doesn't make him any better then anyone else and if there was love in that marriage, you wouldn't be getting a "Divorce!"
First of all, if you don't have children then you are very fortunate. That makes things so much easier. If he finds the need to socialize with others on-line and with women then its plain that he doesn't appreciate being first as much as you!
Second, He might want to call ,but dont waste your life and don't be the kind of friend that keeps the fishing hole accessible,either, because it will only make matters worse.
Thirdly, For your peace-of-mind and to show you, there is another world out there, get involved in something that will keep yourself busy and involved doing anything else, but being your x's groupie and talking to him on the telephone. Go out with your girl friends and play bingo, go to a casino, PTA meeting.
If you both haven't had children, you don't have anything invested and you don't have any reason to rescue this sad marriage. Your fortunate you found out now, before you had children! Keep in mind that all men aren't Internet junkies. I'm sure you could find someone as good. If you do find someone before he comes to his senses, Go for it!
I have to comment on an earlier post: Not all men are the same and you can have a different experience, but change your expectations. "It is not ok to communicate with other women on the Internet when your married!"
You could take this chance to go back to school.....
Iv'e been married for Thirty years this January!
Good Luck!
2006-10-10 18:49:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deal with the pain by feeling it. The only way out of pain is through it.
You also may want to be careful with how much contact you have with him. It will make it harder to get over him.
Why would you choose to remain connected to a man who would do this to you? Why would you choose to try to salvage something with someone who so blatantly disrespected you?
I understand he was your first everything - but you will love again. Many of us have been there before. Just because he was your first everything does not believe he deserves you NOW.
Do you have a journal? Pick one up. Start writing in it whenever you feel like calling him. Write a list as to why you aren't with him - the things he did that hurt you. Just promise yourself that you won't call just at that time. You won't call for that moment, for the hour or for the day. Just one minute at a time.
If he doesn't want to change his chatting, he doesn't want to change. Chatting online with other women inappropriately is cheating. Who needs a cheater?
You will get through this.
2006-10-10 17:51:07 · answer #3 · answered by knoxymama 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually, as far as I know, marital counseling is seldom covered by insurance. The pain WILL go away, even the worst pain does. I wanted to just take a bunch of sleeping pills and never wake up when my then-husband walked out on me to be with someone else. But now, five years later, I'm married to a wonderful guy, and I thank my ex for giving me a chance to meet someone so wonderful. There's no "quick fix" to it, you have to live the pain and feel the pain, but it's going to get better as time goes by... Just be strong, and get your friends to help.
2006-10-10 17:55:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, no one plans on their marriage ending in divorce. Even though you're hurting right now, time will help you to get over this. Your life will not stay the same forever, changes will occur and one day you will look back on all of this and realize you did the right thing. He may of been your "first everything" but he's certainly not going to be your last. Some day you will meet someone who will cherish and love you and treat you like the gem of his life. And itr will happen in time, all in good time my dear.
2006-10-10 18:01:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most likely your husband has no plans on leaving you. Men are visual creatures and like to look at other women. It has nothing to do with you. You can call it emotional cheating or whatever you want to call it. Most likely he is having sex with the women that he is chatting with online. If you leave him and move on to another man, the next man will do the same thing or worse. I know it is hard for wives to understand that their husband might be having sex with another woman and still go home to them. A woman's first thought is that her man is going to leave her. Most husbands are very happy and have no plans on leaving.
Do you go to a church? You could get counseling through church. You don't need insurance to get counseling, just pay for it outright. It won't be that expensinve. Good luck.
2006-10-10 18:05:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Lost love is so hard to deal with, I am going through the same. Just try to be strong, keep busy and hang with friends, if you have any. Please read my 360 blog, and if you do, please leave me a comment. Stay strong and time will heal all of the pain that you feel right now. Allah, (God) loves you and is just trying to make you stronger, a stronger woman to deal with the future. Good luck my friend and move on, for there are greener pastures in your future.
2006-10-10 23:17:51 · answer #7 · answered by sharkscue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you will ever stop feeling the hurt until you come to the conclusion that he is no good for you. Why would you want to stay with someone who has done this to you? cut your loses and move on!!!
2006-10-10 17:58:53 · answer #8 · answered by lookingfor_mrrightnow 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People change over time. The man you married all those years ago is not the same today.
2006-10-10 18:26:05 · answer #9 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check with a woman's shelter or abuse center. I am sure you can some free counseling & support. The local church,etc.
2006-10-10 17:53:43 · answer #10 · answered by waitingtoexhale 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋