I recently separated from my husband for the 2nd time in 1 year due to his infidelity with the same woman.We've been married for 24 years.I just found out that this wan't the 1st time he's cheated on me.I knew something was wrong b4 but didn't think anything actually happened.Wrong!Let it be known that he's an alcoholic and has gotten worse throughout the years.He's blamed me 4 so many things and I know it's due to his drinking.I was completely faithful to this man.He was my 1st, since I was 16 when we met.I started having feelings for another guy years ago but fought the feeling because I loved my husband.He is now living with this other woman and has stopped going to work.We bought a new house 2 years ago, and I wish I never had.He should've said he didn't want to buy this house.Now I am stuck with all the bills.I still love this man, the love of my life.I am in counseling but every time I see or talk to him I get depressed.It is easier now.Anyone with similar story, please share!
2006-10-10 09:48:39 · 18 answers · asked by BluePassion 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have 2 children. One grown one still at home.He recently came over and told me that he didn't know how much this was going to hurt him.He wants to get help and wants me to give him another chance.I really wish deep down inside that he would get the help and be the man I know he can be, but I can never, ever trust him. I told him that if he gets help and becomes sober and starts to show that he is serious about our marriage and his sobriety that maybe we can work something out. He could even find a furnished room or something near us. We moved 50 miles away from where we used to live, but we still work over there. This is what I would hope for and even though nothing is impossible, I don't believe he will do this.
2006-10-10 09:52:01 · update #1
You are still young and you deserve to be happy.
Get a lawyer to draw separation papers to set financial responsabilities, protect your assests and your credit.
I know that this hurts but it has to be done, you have to protect yoruself and yours. I'm sorry to hear that you are in this istaution, but if he is living with someone else, and this is something that is not new to you, then you should accept that he has moved on and should act on the reality, instead of holding on to nothing.
Good luck
2006-10-10 09:53:49 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, do you want to keep loving someone who is sleeping with another woman. Anyways, go to your bank that is financing the house, and file a quit claim deed, or put the house on the market. Contact your lawyer, get a divorce, and take the man for everything he is worth. Then walk away, and don't look back. Move forward, girl. I have been there, and you have to get past this with out destroying yourself in the process. And why are you talking to him, he cheated again and again. Think about it, do you want to have feelings for someone who hurts you time and again. Instead of getting depressed, be glad that he is someone elses problem
2006-10-10 09:56:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that being overly aggressive about asking for sex is a huge turnoff and makes me not want to do it. The fact that my boyfriend never asks for oral sex makes me want to give it to him more. If it's not your thing, it can't be forced, and if he absolutely has to have it, he'll get it with or without you. To me he sounds pretty selfish (especially if you've never done it before-- being pushy is so gross.) Stay the way you are, if you change your mind in the future, that's fine, but don't let him force you (or talk you into) doing something you find degrading, you'll end up regretting it (especially in the instance where you meet someone you do really love and want to be with and you decide you want to do that for him-- the learning experience that comes with being in love and wanting to do things in a consensual manner can be really exciting and passionate.... just giving a dude a BJ because HE LOVES THEM is so lame, I'm rolling my eyes as I talk about it.)
2016-03-28 04:02:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You told a very compelling story, but didn't really say what advice you needed. I too have lived with addiction in my home.
One thing that helped me a great deal was a book called "Co-Dependant No More" by Melodie Beatty.
I recommend it for you, especially where you say you still love your husband, & get depressed everytime you talk to him.
So far, you are doing GREAT. You stood your ground when he cheated, you are moving on with your life, & are taking good care of yourself by going for councelling.
It is understandable that you might get depressed from time to time. Those times will gradually become fewer & fewer, so keep up the good work, & continue to take care of yourself.
2006-10-10 10:01:06 · answer #4 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People endure alot of things in life that cause them misery, suffering, heartache, etc. But there's ways to put a stop to that. Love yourself and know you can do better than this. Stick him with the bills, an attorney will help you go about this. You have alot of living to do, you're better off without a alcoholic cheater that has a problem going to work and accepting responsibility for his actions.
2006-10-10 09:57:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The years of drinking, lying, and cheating have changed him. He is no longer the man you fell in love with so long ago. You are in love with a man who no longer exists.
You should treasure your memories of happy times. You grew up with this man and it wasn't always a bad marriage.
Remember the good times, but its time to leave the rest behind and move on. You have changed over the years, too. Now you are ready to move on to a man who will love the person you have become. Your future is waiting for you so get out and enjoy it.
2006-10-10 09:55:43 · answer #6 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't let him get away with this, take him to court and get alimony. You shouldn't have to pay all the bills on your own.He's an alcoholic he did that to himself. Don't let his blame on you get you down. All his decisions were made by him and that was his choice. He's just blaming and pointing fingers as a way to get out of what he's done wrong. It's always easier to blame someone else for your problems than to take the blame on yourself. Don't let him get away with what he did. You were faithful and you didn't act on the chance when you had it. You deserve more than what he's doing.
2006-10-10 09:54:50 · answer #7 · answered by babieshay27 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey your answer is right in your question. It has happened to me and many other women. U are bigger than this, drop that zero and get u a hero. Maybe stay on your own for awhile and see life thru your eyes not others.
2006-10-10 09:55:56 · answer #8 · answered by vickie p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the key to this is--your still making excuses for him. Get over it. 24 yrs. and he's still at the games. Please. you only thnk you love him--its habit--he's a habit. think your life is going to change? think again! Sorry but, you really need to reconsider all this, he's a looser. Your worth so much more. Get out, do something social, you'll see there are soooo many nice guys out there---your x is not one of them.
2006-10-10 10:06:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get you over with this man. You deseve better than that. If he couldn't respect a relationship as old as yours, then don't expect miracles to happen because they don't. Move on with your life.
2006-10-10 09:54:35 · answer #10 · answered by skepty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋