he doen't know that i have been trying that long to see him and he sent me a letter via my 3rd lawyer.that he doesn't want to see me.and not to bring his mother to court.i'm am completly beside myself on what to do next.i can't wait any longer. the mother had totaly brainwashed him had said all kinds of bad things about me to him
2006-10-10 09:44:21 · 5 answers · asked by rick7425rick 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your right mom did brainwash him. It's not natural for a kid not to want to see their parents unless they are told otherwise. (what else explains adopted kids w/great parents that want to meet their bio-parents?) Most boys want to know their father even if he is the biggest jerk in the world. But the mother is feeling his head with stuff and lots of guilt. If he said "don't make my mother go to court" sounds like she is playing 'poor me your dad is so terrible he wants to take me to court to see you'.
The courts should intervene and if you honestly have been trying the whole 6 years they will be records of it. Can you write him back? If you can you must guarantee that the mother doesn't get the correspondce first but that it goes directly to your son. Tell him everything...let the lawyers read it but if they hand it to mom he will never see it. If you say the lawyer can read it but the mother can't that shows the distrust of her...hopefully that will open the courts eyes.
Good luck...you may have a long expensive battle ahead but I admire you trying I hope it turns out well!
2006-10-10 09:50:54 · answer #1 · answered by MaryJaneD 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My question to you is, did you abandon your son or did his mother banish you from his life?
If you abandoned your son, right now he is a teenager, things are already hard enough for him and now he has this father who left him and his mother long ago that now wants to see him. He doesn't understand the reasons why and he doesn't know what has been going on.
If you've honestly wanted to see him for so long, why didn't you make more effort to do so? You should have gotten the court and lawyers involved long ago. I'm not trying to be upsetting or out of line but this exactly what is running through your sons mind. He probably doesn't want to see you because he doesn't think you love or care about him and he doesn't want to lose you like he did 6 years ago.
What you need to do is find a way to apologize for your absence in his life and growing process. I can't guarantee he'll forgive you... he probably is very upset with you at the time. If the mother has brainwashed him then there's not much you can do because you can't take back the lies she once told him.
Instead, look past it and look to being the better man. Try desperately to get in contact with your son to show him how much he really means to you. For all you know that letter could've been a false statement really written by the mom.
2006-10-10 16:53:33 · answer #2 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry that his mother has been trying to sabotage you. You'll have to file a petition with the court for visitations/joint custody. I would definitely get some family counseling, if he hasn't seen you in 6 years it's going to take some time for him to adjust.
2006-10-10 16:51:28 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you want to do the right thing for you ? or for your son right now......think of things from his perspective--his mom is all he knows and represents security for him--whereas you have been away a good part of his life---now i dont know the circumstances and im not judging you--however, i think softly and gently is best right now---get to know him slowly--send him e-mails /phonecalls letters ----get to know him as a person--as a friend-------children respond to love--------through your actions which he is watching very carefully i would think, he will come to know you and draw his own conclusions about you-----your son is 13--just the age where he needs his dad and might be pulling a little away from his mom--teenagers do that---you need to be there to help him make the transition from boy to teen-----
2006-10-10 16:51:27 · answer #4 · answered by darkangel1111 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes the court can offer couseling for the both of you , even if it is hard to see him please make sure you take care of him financially, he is a boy now but when he becomes a man and has learned to think for himself it will be a little easier for him to forgive the long absence
2006-10-10 16:47:31 · answer #5 · answered by chaun_blue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋