Is it possible to be in love with two people? Please serious and mature answers only.?

Question

I am married and mostly happy except our sex life is lacking, so I began an affair to be satisfied sexually and have fallen in love with the man I am having an affair with. I do love my husband and he is a good man and wonderful father. Everytime I mention there is something wrong with our sex life he gets defensive, so I feel as if I were driven to the arms of another man. I do love them both and now am on an emotional roller coaster.

I asked this question for answers to "is it possible to be in love with two people?" and have only received judgement and opinions about my affair. I added personal details so maybe someone could identify with my situation, not to be harassed and called a liar and cheat. This is a real problem for me and mean and hateful things will not be tolerated. I have reported several of these answers as abuse and will continue to do as long as I am getting judgemental, intolerant opinions. A simple "Yes" or "No" will suffice.

Answer 1

In my own experience, I don't feel you can be IN LOVE with two people at once. You will more than likely love one more than the other. What you might be doing now is getting the best from both men. Since you are confused, and your husband is refusing there is a problem, is to separate from them BOTH for a while, and think things through. Maybe by showing your husband that you are serious about there being a problem, he will attend counseling with you. Also, if you are more drawn to the other man during your separation, you'll know you are really in love with him instead of your husband. But staying and doing what you are doing will only drain YOU. And I agree, no one should judge you ESPECIALLY when you are seeking some advice.

Answer 2

The only reason you are having this affair is becasue the sex is lacking between you and your husband. You said he's a good man and wonderful father. If this is the case, don't you think that at the very least you should make a real effort at dealing with your problem? Having an affair is not working out the problem, it is creating several.

When you mention to your husband that something is wrong with your sex life, of course he's going to get defensive. Wouldn't you? Have you asked him what he thinks of your sex life? Have you asked him to go to counseling with you so you can find some common ground where your sex life is concerned? I don't think you were driven into the arms of another man, I just think you took a detour to escape the hard work a marriage sometimes requires.

Don't mistake sexual release and passion for love. You haven't mentioned whether or not your love is also in love with you; he may not be. Also, have you thought about how devastating the affair will be to your husband. He's going to find out about it, it's only a matter of time. He may already sense that something is going on. Kids pick up on the undercurrents of their parent's relationship, so keep that in mind too.

The only way to get off the roller coaster is to stop the affair and work things out with your husband. If you can't work them out, then make the decision to end your marriage and move on. Bear in mind that your relationship with your lover may not be all that it seems if you make that decision.

In short, I'm telling you to make an effort to work things out with your husband. You can't take the easy way out; your affair is only creating more problems for you...things you haven't even begun to consider.

Answer 3

I don't even know where to start. I am a believer in being faithful to your spouse no matter what. I think that if you need something outside of the marriage you should divorce first then have the affair. Its too late for that, so what to do now?

I cannot imagine loving two people at the same time. I find that my man takes all of my attention and emotions. I don't want to even think about trying to share those feelings with someone else. I don't see how you could love both of them equally. You must feel a deeper connection to one of them.

It seems to me that the best thing you can do is to make a choice about which man you want in your life and then shut the other one out. You cannot continue to divide yourself between them.

Answer 4

The most common answer to why spouses cheat is that something is wrong in the marriage and the affair is a bi-product of those problems, even when most other aspects of the relationship are working well. “The problem” is often one that the faithful spouse who would never think of cheating does not see or has elected to ignore for one reason or another.
I think that do not want to end their relationship with you husband, but you want to have tha additional relationship with someone else that gives you some emotional fulfillment that you are not getting at home. It can be only achieved by working to change your marriage or get divorced.

Answer 5

I was married for ten years to a great guy, but the sex was never there. I too had an affair, but I decided that i didn't want to be the kind of wife that cheated. I felt I had to make a choice. I left my husband, but I did not take up with the other guy either. I took some time to stand on my own two feet and decide what to do next.

I have started dating again after 3 years of being on my own and I have met a truly wonderful man who loves my kids and my kids love him and the sex is amazing!! Sometimes the sex issue is really an indication of other issues. I loved my husband and he was a great guy, but I wasn't "in love" with him. He was like a brother, not a husband and a lover and there is a difference.

It is time to take a good hard look at who you are and what kind of person you want to be. Good Luck!!

Answer 6

Everybody has a bad habit of judging people here...who asks for judgement?! I won't judge you, though. Yes, I have been in love with two men at the same time, but not while married. It was hard, very hard. But I lived it so I know the emotion, the chemistry and the possibility.

I won't answer to what you mentioned and didn't ask. I guess if you wanted to know my opinion on the other things, you'd ask. Sorry you and your husband are incompatible sexually. That's really hard.

Answer 7

It is possible to be in love with two people but I honestly feel you love your husband emotionally and you love your other partner sexually.
The affair you're having will only cause your emotions to be on a roller coaster mode, highs and lows. Cheating isn't solving anything. If your husband gets defensive about sex you should just take over with sex toys and role playing this way you're hinting to new things but instead of asking him to do them, you're starting them off so he can get into the mood with them two.
Since you're with your husband much more, I say you do love your husband but you don't respect him. Sex apparently is a necessity to you and only you can drive yourself into the arms of another man, not anyone else. The man you're having an affair with is your f***-buddy. You love the way he puts it out but I highly doubt you love him on an intellectual and romantic level... you're getting intimacy and infatuation confused with love.
I think you need to drop the man you're having an affair with, speak to your husband about what has been going on, and get some marriage counseling.

Answer 8

A man has no respect for a woman that sleeps with 2 men. YOU ARE MARRIED and NO you CAN NOT be inlove with 2 men. In fact, you don't even love yourself. You need to look deep down inside of you and see what is really going on. Sex is just satisfaction, THAT'S IT. It's great when you have feelings for the person. You love your husband b/c he is your provider, he is you partner. You love your husband b/c you would never tell him about the affair, b/c you know it would crush him down to nothing, you don't want to see him hurt. Your fling, you feel excitment and lust. It's not real, you don't have bills together, kids, RESPONSIBILTIES, it's an illusion of what you want with your husband. Cut off the affair or....divorce your husband, one or the other PLEASE don't do both. It's not healthy for you or for your husband. Just think, when you are at home with your husband and you other is out with Ms. herpes/Aids, you screw him the next day and bring it home?!!?!??! You have to LOVE YOU. You deserve much more than what you are giving yourself. When we lie, it's a sign of fear, fear of consequences from the other person's response to the truth. So if we lie to ourselves, then, we are only afraid of who we really are. Keep it real if not to the hubby, then to yourself. No, you can only love one person you!! Just treat the next man how you want him to treat you.

Answer 9

By saying you were driven into the arms of another man, you are trying to displace your guilt onto your husband.

This is your fault -- not that that aren't issues that your hubby should claim responsibility for -- but adultery is a behavior, not a feeling or something else intangible. It's a behavior in which you are engaging. I think you should immediately stop your affair, come clean with your hubby, and proceed post haste to a marriage counselor.

Answer 10

I think so. Although, I am wondering if you love your husband in a platonic way (do you even want to have sex with him anymore?). I have, more than once, been in this predicament. My relationship had fizzled into friendship or partnership and I went looking for the pizazz. Other times, I was attracted to both people but just got different needs met in each place.

In the end, I decided it was selfish of me to keep both people. So even if I feel I love 2 people, I always make a choice. Good luck.