I met my husband and I had my own home a job I liked and I was happy. After a while he asked me if I and my two children would like to move in with him.I thought about it and said yes. I was in love with him and wanted to share my life with him.So after alot of thought I moved in with him. I sold mine and the childrens home.(It was ex council so I had to pay then part of my discount back) then I had to get out of mortgage etc. So we moved in and then early this year we got married. He tells me about 4 weeks into marraige that he is in serious debt.Not a mention previously.I dont meen a few grand either,Its alot more than that.He is also not the man I married.I feel like he lied to me from the start.He coverd up his debt.Now I dont feel as though I want to be with him but Im homeless if I leave!!!all my money from my house went into our life together.If I divorce will I walk away with nothing?He is on a payment plan IVA.do I not have a leg to stand on financialy if I decide to leave.
2006-10-10 09:29:04 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are right that your man made a mistake.
Unfortunately, he's not the first person to be ashamed of being in debt. He must love you very much to have entrusted that tender ego to you. You didn't marry him lightly, you thought about it, took it slow, did all the right things, and made sure you had the right man. You still do.
Hon, try to forgive him this. You have a beautiful family, everything you dreamed of is in your hands. Will you just throw it all away?
Go to him and tell him it will be alright. He may want to get a second job, or go for a promotion. He's going to need your tender love. Give him a chance to continue to do the right thing. (He did finally do the right thing and tell you.....) He sounds like he's worth it.
2006-10-10 13:22:30 · answer #1 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two issues here first one the debt unfortunatly now you are married if he has no way of paying debt they will ask it from you I am afraid. So if you have any savings and still with him then they will expect you to pay up.The good news is it may take time for it to get to this stage as you have not said if his debt has got as far as court or bailif yet.
Next issue is I do not think that you do not love this man you have lost your trust in him because he has not been open and honest with you about his problems which I guess have been there for some time. You are thinking i expect that this man has lied his way into your life and that of your childrens because he saw a way out of his problems with you financialy. I am so sorry if I am wrong because if he has done that what a complete and utter shite of a man well no man a well words excape me.
This is what you must ask yourself first of all. Do you honestly truly think he lied to you all to get what he wanted from you a way out of debt? If the answer is yes from the bottom of your heart and you know him not me then your next step would be to go to a solicitor (free consultation) and find out what is the best course of action for you to take. It may mean starting all over again but you can do it you did it once on your own you can do it again.
If you feel it was not done deliberate and that this man loves you and your children for who and what you are first and formost then you need to sit down together and talk about every issue why he did not tell you and also how you are going to work together to try and sort this out. There are a lot of debt agencies out there who can help you come up with a plan of action.
Someone once told me and they were legaly in the know that with debt as long as you are prepared to pay something with the queens head on legal money then there is not a lot anyone can do you are attempting to pay it off. Also people are much better with debt problems if they are told of the problems first and formost instead of ignoring them.
I hope you do find some answersto this it is difficult for you and also must have come as a huge shock and hope I have helped in a small way.
PS the council will re house you if homeless (experience of that) may take time but they will help and you have to go and see them and fill in a homeless form hopefully it may not come to that but they will help you.
2006-10-10 10:09:25 · answer #2 · answered by momof3 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have your name on the mortgage now and the loans where secured on the mortgage then they are your debts and debts are not split half and half if they cant get it from him they chase you.If i were you and your not sure about this marriage get out now before you get into a bigger hole,if you divorce everything possession wise will be split,go to the local council tell them you have just been made homeless and they can get you into a B&B or refuge I know it is not a nice option but if you want out of this marriage you have to start somewhere,the council will then rehome you but it can take up to 6 months.If you have found out lies now there may be a lot more that you do not know about him.I also marride a man I thought I knew but after the wedding he also had debt but as i never signed for any of it and the morgage only in my name because he was blacklisted I never had to pay any of his debt, when we divorced he never got any of the proceeds from the house either.
2006-10-11 02:00:31 · answer #3 · answered by candyfloss 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On a very simple level, anything which you have signed jointly with him you are both liable for. Anything which is solely in his name only he is liable. It is obviously more complicated than that, though. You will end up helping him out financially so the debt WILL affect you.
Also, if the house in only in his name then if his problems get worse he (and you) may lose your home. If the house is in both names, they can't repossess it for his sole debts, but if there are mortgage arrears in your joint names then they can take it.
As long as your finances are not too entwined then you personally should be ok. In fact if you have completely or mostly seperate finances then your credit rating etc should be unaffected.
Don't be too hard on your man. Yes, he covered up his debt problem, but being in debt can be very humiliating-especially for a man-and many people do try to pretend they can ignore it and it'll go away. At least now he is trying to take control of his problem, which is a good sign. The IVA will have consequences for the future, but he is committed to a fixed amount and will not be able to get any more credit so the situation can't get any worse. He's getting himself back on track and there is still a future for the two of you - if you can get past this current problem.
There are three very good websites you might want to take a look at. All are charitable, not big-business debt-handling companies so the advice and resources are all free.
http://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk/england_wales/index.php
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/cgi-bin/viewnews.cgi?newsid1103204730,72152,
http://www.cccs.co.uk/
Hope these help.
2006-10-10 10:45:45 · answer #4 · answered by Fifi L'amour 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long have you know him? That's why you take your time and get to know the person first. You should of did a little of a back ground investigation for yourself before you married him. All you have to do is go on the internet and you can see if he has been convicted of anything or if he has anything filed against him, if hes been married before and how many time (keep this in mind for next time). But he's finacial dept will be yours if you stay married to him, I am not saying divorce him but he should of been honest with from the begining but if you love him you will stick by his side. If not, then get out asap. Now you know all this info. and thats why he probably didnt want to tell you bcuz he knew you would leave him. So you have two choices, you get your marrage Annulled and leave him with his debt or stay with him and help pay his debt off. Good Luck!
2006-10-10 09:44:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep. Debt and money administration is crucial to talk previous to marriage. Get him to sparkling that up till now you marry and outline if this develop right into a mistake or a foul habit/lack of understanding even as it consists of money concerns. Take a money administration route jointly. in case you ignore this, that's going to horribly impact your marriage. EDIT you've 8 people to this point telling you with out question you'll incur his debt. Your further comments mean you do not both elect to pay interest or you do not comprehend how severe debt issues will be. it may look trivial or humorous (lmao) yet you're in for a rude awakening in case you ignore this. Make that 9.
2016-10-16 04:19:24 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter how you end up financially at this stage LEAVE NOW. If you don't leave now you will have a bleak future, things will get worse. I have been in your position, I stayed but every few months more things came to light. He continued to take out loans and everything behind my back. Go to see a solicitor for advice, you can usually have the first consultation free. I feel for you I really do, do not let him ruin your life, I wish you well !!!
2006-10-10 09:45:44 · answer #7 · answered by Dolly Blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was very wrong not to be honest about his debt.
But be honest with yourself. Are you going to give up just because he is in debt?
How much did you really love him? he is still the same guy. He has the same personality, but you have found he isn't perfect.
How commited were you when you took your marriage vows?
What did you vow? ask yourself that?
Money isn't everything. I think it's sad that you want to walk out just because of this. It shows how shallow you are and how shallow a lot of people on this board are.
It's not the end of the world.
I think if you had any backbone you would give him the chance to redeem himself. Let him work the debt off. There are far worse thigns he could have done.
You need to make it clear how let down you feel. Don't walk away though... if you took your marriage vows at all seriously.
I'm not saying be a fool. But I am saying this is the first hurdle... are you quittting straight away?
After all he didn't quite even though you've got kids did he? I knoe you prob told him about it. I'm just saying dont be so pathetic. If there is more reason to end it fair enough. this reason alone is not enough to give up.
Fi Fi Lamour below explains better than myself. x
2006-10-10 09:32:37 · answer #8 · answered by phoenix26ashes 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
i really do feel for you ! you need to seek advice from either a solicitor or citezens advice! they'll be able to put you in the right direction...you also have the right to have marrige anuled based on the huge lie he has told... the way it looks if you divorce he has nothing to offer as the house was never in your name unless you can prove that the sale of your house was put into his debts... good luck but i would get legal advice asap if your that unhappy !!!
you obviously loved the guy though if you married him and every marrage has its rough patches maybe just sitting down and telling him how you feel and working it out would be the best thing to do.. you become asssosiated with your husband but his debt does not become yours !!!
2006-10-10 09:38:24 · answer #9 · answered by shagkitten21 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry! You should have got a pre-nupt. If he lied, then you should confront him about it first. Better yet, pack his bags, put them outside, and change the locks. He won't be able to get in, and if he goes to the police, tell them you kicked him out because he lied to you, and cheated you out of your happiness. Don't lie, tell the WHOLE truth. If you get a divorce, then he has to split everything 50/50. You won't get much, but it will be better then nothing. If you have a child together, then he has to split it 60/40 or better, and he has to pay child support. There is always your family, too, if you need even more help.
2006-10-10 09:38:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋