In my life I was in many longterm relationships. But my craziest emotionally
relationships were short and all this because of how I became while being in them! I don't why the more I like the guy the crazier I become and I don't even give them a breath (as it seems to me). I always want them to be with me... If I don't like a guy that much they stay with me for a long time because I behave normaly and just simply care about them as about a good person. But when I love somebody that much that I loose my head at first they like me so crazy too but then they calm down after some little time but I don't... And they run a way... Can you advice me something... I just don't know how can I stop and do it so that somebody whom I like so much was together with me and didn't ran away. For ex, I've met a guy from another country on-line, have fallen in love with him and already in some weeks told him I will move to his country to be with him...I know that's crazy... read the details...
2006-10-10 08:41:02 · 9 answers · asked by Maria 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
But I just always feel I can do anything for the person that I love so much!... Before I told this everything seemed to be great but after that he has changed (which seems to be not strange) and doesn't talk to me the same as before...I just wanted to be with him... So that was an example. I can't understand if I have so much passion or
what is it? Maybe I am stupid? But when I am not so much in love I can be in the relationship for a very long time until I understand I don't need a relationships
without love. What do you think of this?
2006-10-10 08:42:05 · update #1
I think I can answer your question.
You fall in love with a person whom you think is perfect. Since you think he is too perfect, you also think (subconsciously) that you are in a way inferior to him and that he might find someone better. So you start showering more and more affection on him to make him stay with you. It shows the insecurity.
Metaphorically speaking, the harder you try to hold beach sand in your hand, the faster you loose it.
Just take some time and analyze yourselves. Write it down in a paper. What you really like in a person that you fall for him? What do you think are your strengths? Just remind yourselves often that you are inferior to none of these guys and even if they leave you, you can get a better one.
And regarding that on-line relationship please be careful. You don't even know if he has another girl friend or if he is married. You do not know anything about him. Don't even consider going to some other unknown country believing someone whom you have never seen. That is just being stupid.
2006-10-10 09:02:58 · answer #1 · answered by Nila 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'll ask a rethorical question off the bat that you can answer yourself. Do you have dependancy problems?
I'm not asking this to be mean by any stretch. However it's sounds to me that you become too easily wrapped up in people. This isn't healthy mental behavior as it can lead to you being in an abusive/controlling relationship in the future. These types of things usually stem from (that's right) low self-esteem, or a lack of not knowing yourself at all.
Some things to understand about a relationship. If you are not happy outiside of a relationship you will never be happy in one. Another person CANNOT make you happy in any way. A companion is just the icing on the cake of life not the cake!
I challenge you to first figure out where you are going in life. Decide what makes you happy (without needing someone else). Fulfill your dreams and ambitions first. Do you wanna be a college dropout with two kids living in a crappy flat in europe? Or do you want to be a Culinary Artist, Ballet Dancer, or work in the medical profession? There are the important things that make you who you are. Again make sure you are in order before you try and order two peoples lives.
Relationships are extreamly hard, and it will become more and more difficult to find yourself as you grow older. My mother is a perfect example of this. She married and had kids when she was 20. She spent the next 22 years raising two boys with no thought of her own dreams. At 42 she's now trying to do the things she should have been doing when she was 20, but it's still very hard for her to find what really makes her happy. Her marriage ended at 34 not because of abuse, or anything terrible. It just ended when two people grew apart and changed, as all of us do when we are young.
I guess to sum this all up for you. If you have no family, you have no friends, you have no one else around you who cares anymore what do you have? You would be the type to say "Nothing" but you would be wrong. You ALWAYS have yourself, so make youself the greatest love you ever had, let these silly boys come second.
2006-10-10 16:15:15 · answer #2 · answered by mehoron 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you commit to a relationship too quickly.
If you think otherwise then you must be picking the wrong men.
Some people are ready to settle down. Some people are not. You seem to be picking the ones who are not. They are plentiful.
As for the bad boys you have picked in the past, you did well with them because they tell you it like it is straight up. It is the good ones who worry about hurting your feelings. Those seem to be the ones you want and those seem to be the ones you don't seem to be able to pick from well.
Perhaps you need to be looking in a new place like a church or social club where the two of you have similar expectations as to how fast a relationhip should progress. Good Luck.
2006-10-10 16:06:10 · answer #3 · answered by LORD Z 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think it's a matter of maturity, when we like so much someone, we can be possessive, but there are different degrees, when the other one feels sofocated, then we're so much over the person, we all need space and independancy.
but as i said it will come with time, for now you can just practice in controling those feelings that push away the guy you like....
remember, practice makes perfect...
2006-10-10 15:52:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You become fixated and obsessive. You cannot get the person out of your head so you need to get your fix. It is like a drug the person makes you happy and that makes you feel good, you get hooked on that and you cannot control yourself. I feel your pain. The only advice I have is realize that you have a problem and that you need to work to fix it. Good luck.
2006-10-10 16:42:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Would you like to try me as a friend to start with ?
I believe I will be able to answer all your questions slowly and provide successful solutions to your problems over a period of time.
What's wrong in trying it out baby ?
2006-10-12 05:53:26 · answer #6 · answered by James 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd love to meet you I am the same way, oh I am not sadam
2006-10-10 15:49:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes you are not to bright. falling in love on line and offer to move to a different country !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
god kid ,grow up and smarten up
2006-10-10 15:50:06 · answer #8 · answered by di05712 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why not trying to define "love" ?
Ciao........John-John.
2006-10-12 17:04:10 · answer #9 · answered by John-John 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋