When is enough, enough? Am I looking for a way out?

Question

I had an affair about 2 years ago, my wife almost had one. Meaning she was kissed by another man at work (after hours) but didn't go through with it, or she says. We went to counseling, I told everything, she held back. Things have been going good except for the last couple of months. I scanned our cell bill and found that she is still in contact with this guy she almost had an affair with. I am the primary care giver to our kids. I cook, baths, get homework done, sign report cards, permission slips. I clean half of the house, do half of the laundry, and maintain the yard work, and pool. The kids come to me when they have bad dreams, cuts or need sympathy. I have asked my wife to take one of the kids to their practice, it started at 5:30 she arrived at the wrong field at 5:45 and it took her 20 min to decide she was at the wrong field. All the while my daughter was teling her she was at the wrong field. We both work outside the home, and we can not seem to connect latley.

Answer 1

Darlin', I hate to be the one to break the news, but you are gay.

That said, I guess you are looking for a way out.

However, your way out may not be the traditional break-up. Sounds like your wife has a friend. She's probably not going to be shocked that you want a friend, too. You two need to talk. See if you can come to friendly terms that meet each of your needs,and the needs of your children.....ie, you have your friend, she has hers, and the marriage remains intact.

If you can come to terms with the fact that each of you want other partners and still maintain your home and finances, then so be it. It keeps the kids secure. Eventually you guys may decide a divorce is in order but now is not the time to panic. Neither of you are in a relationship that requires your daily presence.

So, go be honest, be respectful, offer her a choice, and see what happens.

Answer 2

Are the people answering above even reading the question? YOU had an affair. Of course she is making you do the work. You are paying for your infidelity. Is she supposed to just forget it? She is probably just talking to this guy about what a slimball you are. Try being super nice to her. Taking care of the kids and being a good father is not the same as being a good husband. How about putting some of that energy into your wife and your marriage? Take her out to dinner. Get a relative to watch the kids and meet her after work for drinks. After a few weeks of this, she will forgive you. Then you will have a much more contented household. When mama is happy, everyone is happy. I just love how people who had the affair get self righteous.Try what I am suggesting. You will think tat you have met a new woman. ( Sending flowers to work would help also,)

Answer 3

Well, you should probably stick it out until the kids are 18- they obviously need you to care for them because their mom is a flake. If you leave, at best you'll get joint custody, so half the time the kids will be under tremendous pressue when their with the flakey mom.
Try counseling again, or agree to some ground rules while the kids are still children and bite the bullet. You two adults need to stop messing around with other people and start behaving in a way that gives the kids peace, calm and stability.

Answer 4

counseling can only take you so far, and you seem to think the first didn't really take. one, have a meeting of minds. and it's really hard to make dates. especially with your spouse. so, get committed. sit down make a schedule that will work for the both of you, that is sharing every thing : work, together time, and family time, a date. a time to clean house, a time everyone works on the yard and flowerbeds, clean the garage, start making it a family project and it will be a lot easier on everybody, hey, it's worth a try.
try this, maybe, it will bring a meeting of the minds, or bring other issues out in the open..... good luck

Answer 5

Work on connecting, you still don't trust her even thought it was you who cheated. Maybe its because you cheated and you want her to 'even' the score. Go back to counseling, where there are children involved it is always better to try to work it out, and since you both work outside the home, then its no big deal that you both work inside the home. So stop looking for sympathy on that count. To a hard working woman that comes across as a 'poor pitiful me' approach.

Answer 6

you both sound like bad ppl if you really loved her you wouldnt have cheated and if she loved you she wouldnt even kissed another guy you need to get a divorce it sounds like a loveless marriage and thats not fair to the kids. your wife also sounds like an idiot waiting at the wrong field for 20 min.

Answer 7

Your wife did indeed go through with it. File and get her forced to leave if you are the primary caretaker. She got away with it by telling a lie and continues to get away with it. Hire a PI if you want concrete proof.

Answer 8

yal , it is rough when you get caught up in your own lil' world. thank god my kids were never involved there. sounds exactly like what she is doing...caught up in her own lil' world. i would question her about the contact with this dude , telling her there is no need to fib about it , you have the phone records. you have your hands pretty full the way it is and it sounds like they may become even fuller because if it is going on , that is grounds for custody. good luck sweety

Answer 9

Only you will know when it's enough. Strange how we will take it and take it over and over. The day will come when you will be done and there will be no question.

Answer 10

it sounds like the best thing for you two and the kids is a devorse sorry and good luck