Is my husband scared to have a child?

Question

We have been married almost 3 years, and we keep setting dates to start trying for kids. But everytime we reach that date, my husband comes up with another reason why we shouldn't. He says he's not scared to have kids, he just wants to make sure we're financially ready. But when are you ever ready? We have insurance, he makes good money at his job, and I make decent at mine. How can I convince him that it is time? I'm not on birth control and we do not use condoms (he pulls out), so apparently he's not THAT worried about it. What can I do to just give him that added "push"? Any advice you can offer would be helpful. Thanks.

We also have 2 dogs and a cat that are almost like kids themselves, except that they can't learn to speak english and they don't wear diapers. I don't think it's the repsonibility, I'm just not sure what's bothering him about it.

Answer 1

You are never going to be financially ready for a child... it is one of those things that, if you really want to do it, then do it. It took my husband a while to tell me he was ready! but you have to stay off his case and let him decide.... It is a very scary thing for men to commit to. Honestly darling have a sit down and tell him that you don't want to push him any more, because he might agree out of spite and then resent that child... tell him you want him to come to you when he is ready!! I had to do that and he came around after 2.5 years of bugging him I stopped and now I am 5 weeks pregnant

Answer 2

I didn't realize how scared my husband was to have children until I was actually pregnant, so it's probably a good thing that you're realizing this now. I talked him through it, and tried to give him the space he needed. (Most of his fears were of the baby dying or being hurt.)

Turns out that he was fearful because he'd been cheating on me since we were engaged, and I think he thought God was going to punish him for it. I'm not sure if God punished him (or will -- I'll leave that up to God), but I *did* divorce him for multiple affairs (most of which happened while I was pregnant) and all the subsequent lying.

Best to get to the heart of the matter before you become pregnant. "Pushing him," as you say, may only make your life (and the life of your child(ren) later) that much more difficult. Good luck!

p.s. "financially ready" is just a cop-out, in my opinion.

Answer 3

If you have any friends that have infants, offer to babysit for them for a few hours, at a time when you will both be together. Don't throw the responsibility of the babysitting on him, but ask for his help from time to time with little things.

Don't forget, he is your husband, so talk to him. If he really is set on the idea of not having a baby now, then tell him that you need to start using some sort of protection, because even if he does pull out, that is not 100% safe.

Answer 4

Ask him what is financially set. You guys already have what you need to start a family. I had my first child at 17. I was still in school, had no money and lived at home. Doesn't your situation sound better than mine? My oldest kid is now 18 and just became a father 2 months ago. My son works at Target and the babies mother does not work at all nor does she receive state aid. They are doing just fine. Doesn't your situation sound better than my sons? Tell your hubby to relax and get a grip. You both will be fine and you will be great parents...Tell you hubby NO MORE PULLING OUT!!!! ( ha ha)

Answer 5

Scared To Have A Baby

Answer 6

let me start by saying i am only 23 so i have not been in your direct situation. but as an educated male i may provide in sight. i to would like to wait untill the time is right but i have realised you will never get to that point. all you can do is set in writing, reasonable goals for your self. and when u get there try. but that is just me. be sirtian yall can have kids. as far as health. also how dose he feel about having a life depending on him? has he ever had any pets? if not get him a pet. it could help him realise that things will be fine even when he's not around.(it worked for me). also find out if he's nervious about have a challenged child. and lastly u could always trick him. lay him down and ride em till he cums in ya but he may get really mad.

Answer 7

Sounds like you are financially secure, but your husband is nervous about the prospect of children. Believe it or not, some men get jealous of their unborn kids because they know it'll take their attention away from their wives and other pursuits. There won't be time any more. You need to talk to your husband and find out what's holding him back.

Answer 8

my ex for 5 years also said the same thing let's wait until we are financially ready,come to find out he never wanted to have them.in your husband case it could be different he may be just scared to have them,being a bad father. sit him down and let him know that have a baby is very important to you and that the longer you wait the hard it will be fir you,there's more chance for you to have problem the older you get and for a guy they can be 50 that's okay.I hope you the best and god bless.

Answer 9

If we all waited until we were financilly ready there would not be any children!!! I don't know what could push him. When he is ready hes ready. Or get him really drunk and take advantage of him, well not to drunk so he finishes!!!! To tell you the truth, I don't know what you could say to him to make him want children. Seems to me he really doesn't want them. Sorry and Good Luck.

Answer 10

It sounds to me as if he doesn't really WANT children. As for giving him a "push", I don't recommend it, it could mean the end of your marriage if you do.