What is the difference between actually helping someone and enabling the situation?

Answer 1

To help someone is a far-sighted process in which the result will be beneficial to that person as a whole; a long-term improvement that's sustainable.

On the contrary, enabling is a near-sighted process in which it's basically a short-term "fix", and the person will not have gained any valuable skills, training, lessons, etc. to be able to cope in another similar situation.

Hope that makes sense.

Answer 2

The difference is mostly a matter of whether the helping is habit that just keeps going on and on.

There is "just helping", which is, for example, carrying groceries for an elderly woman at the grocery store.

There is also helping that can look like "enabling". For example, if that elderly woman is your mother or grandmother and you make a habit of carrying those groceries for her. Someone could ask if you are enabling her to not bother trying to do things for herself. Someone else may think it doesn't kill a young person to help an eldery person and forget about who should do things for themself.

There is also enabling if a person gives an alcoholic money to buy liquor. At the same time, if an alcoholic is about to go into the DT's and some hands him a drink to at least keep him sort of ok for the immediate future maybe that's not necessarily enabling but "just helping".

Ideally, helping should be able to go into two categories: One-shot-deal helping or repeated or long-term helping that will lead to a person's being able to get himself to a point where he no longer needs help from others. One-shot deal helping is never an issue. When it comes to the second category of helping a person needs to just consider the situation and decide if it is enabling behavior and even decide if maybe the occasional enabling type of help is ok if it can be a one-shot-deal thing.

If a parent keeps money away from a teenager because that teenager will go out and get in trouble, but then a grandparent gives the kid money - that's enabling.

If, on the other hand, there's a homeless alcoholic who has a problem so serious it isn't going to be cured in a day; and it is a cold Winter night, and without a drink that person will feel as if he's going to lose his mind or may kill himself; then giving him a few dollars to get himself some mental peace to get through another Winter night may look like enabling behavior; but the reality is its just helping someone who is already in a bad situation without an immediate cure.

My point is sometimes it really isn't up to the helper to worry about whether helping may be enabling. Sometimes enabling help in certain circumstances in nothing more than simple helping.

There is a lot of gray area; and I think people need to think about how often something happens, how easily a bad situation can be fixed, and even sometimes just how compassionate doing something "wrong" sometimes is.

Sometimes people believe they have more power than they do over someone else's actions, and as a result they imagine it will be the "end of the world" if they "enable" someone. The realilty is sometimes a person will do something regardless of who is willing to enable him or not. At the same time, there are times when a second party may invite problems by enabling someone else to do something - so, again, it depends on the situation, the people, etc.

Answer 3

I guess you would have to ask yourself is what your doing to help really helping or hurting this person in the long run. Lets use an example.
1. I give you money to buy drugs so you don't steal or something else. I would say that is enabling.
2. I stop to give you a hand with your flat tire on the side of the road because you can't do it yourself. I would say that's actually helping.

Answer 4

read the book "codependent no more" I am unsure of the author. If you help them with their problems that is one thing. But if you make decisions for them they can make for them selves or get dragged in their drama with them you loose your objectivity that is enabling them. If some one needs a job, and you take them to look for one and they do not do well to get one, or they wont go on their own, and you keep trying to get them a job while they sit home and play video games that is enabling.Helping someone is like a woman with a small baby who is overwhelmed helping her some, but not 24/7 child care that would be enabling.

Answer 5

Think of in an alcoholics scenario...you would be actually helping them if you got them into a treatment program. You would be enabling them if you bought the alcohol for them or sat there and drank with them. Hope that helps.