This all happened before i even met my husband. Hope you can follow this. Joe (my husband) was best friends since childhood with Paul.. Well Pauls girlfriend Lisa cheated on him with Joe.. They had an "affair" for a while until Paul found out. Paul forgave Lisa & the affair ended.. Needless to say Joe & Paul's friendship was over... Well, when i started seeing Joe some of his friends filled me in with all the details about Joe, Lisa, & Paul. I asked him about it & he said it was true & he wished he could go back & change things.. Well I found out that lisa & him were still contacting each other & Lisa even sent him an email saying she missed him (yeah i snooped to find it). I told joe that if felt the need to stay friends with her, we couldnt be together. So he promised me he wouldnt contact her anymore. Well since we got married I found emails from them. I despise Lisa & he knows it. But he still talks to her behind my back. What should i do. I love him with all of my heart...
2006-10-10 06:34:46 · 11 answers · asked by Pissed 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have never caught him telling her anything out of way to her... but the fact is he still keeps in contact with her. & i know her husband doesnt know a thing about it..
2006-10-10 06:41:03 · update #1
Well, the first question "Does Lisa know how you feel? If not, get on line and set up a meeting. You and her only. You get her in a mutual safe place (for her) and lay it on the line. I had a good friend who stopped talking to me when he got married. I found out later on that it was because she thought I wanted him. I never did, unlike in your situation. You need to cover your bases and find out what your husband is telling her and if it is a 360 from what he is telling you. After that you can make a decision.
Knowledge is power and the more power you have the better the out come for you.
After this meeting (or even a email conversation) make an educated decision. Leave or stay, it is your life and you are the one that will have to deal with all decisions you make.
Who knows, she may truly be innocent in this and your husband may be the one who needs to be kicked to the curb.
Either way, he has contact with this other women and lies to you, I hope for the best for you and your marriage. I know husbands are suppose to be your best friend and when their is a tear in that trust the pain is mind shattering. I have felt that type of betrayal and it sucks!
But, you will do whats best....Good Luck!
2006-10-10 06:53:04 · answer #1 · answered by robin dupree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain right now PISSED. I'm PISSED for you. I've been through this and I'm still going through it right now. I always say there's no way to stop this. My husband still talk to his trick *** so call friend. I've found email from her saying she miss him being together and he lied and said that it was just a joke on me because he knew i was looking into his email. What a joke Huh? Well any way when your tired you'll know what to do. I'm not tired yet and I'm not letting any woman get my man. SO you just have to keep his mind on yu and Lisa will be gone before you know it.
2006-10-10 06:54:20 · answer #2 · answered by Good2Go 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now usually Im nice in situations like these but its time for the gloves to come off. You got her e-mail address right ,well send her pics of you and your hubby together and let and some nice messages like I miss you too. Never curse or say anything mean (remain a lady) and send them as an attachment to him too, same rules apply remain a lady.It may seem childish but the fact is she wants what you have and she aint getting it.
2006-10-10 06:44:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think an ultimatum is in order.... Tell him, it's you or her. But be prepared to follow through and leave if he chooses her. I can't imagine someone who is truly interested in being with you jeopardizing it by engaging in a fruitless "affair".
If you can't do that, I guess you're at his mercy, and you could just try and ignore the fact that these two still keep in touch.
2006-10-10 06:40:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wowzers! i'd be furious! and i wouldn't trust joe or lisa any farther than i could throw them. cheetah's (and cheaters) don't change their spots. all the apologies on earth won't change what they did once and i would not stick around to wait for him to "contact" his skanky friend anymore. give him an choice. as far as i'm concerned, he's already entertaining the thought and considering their history, i'd be really snoopy! best of luck to ya!
2006-10-10 08:38:14 · answer #5 · answered by green eyed sole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want a relationship based on honesty and commitment don't you?
If so then you know the secrets and lying is just the start to many bad things. If you try to build a lasting relationship on lies it will never last.
Sorry. Good luck.
2006-10-10 06:40:35 · answer #6 · answered by razzyrascal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He still has unfinished business with her. You can't ignore that fact. You can do better. You deserve a man who makes you his #1 choice, his priority, rather than anaother "option".
He has lied to you and deceived you. You can't ignore that either. That behavior should tell you that (since the behavior doesn't match with what he says) he is insincere and lying to you. And lying and deceiving you should tell you that he has other priorities, and his loyalty is elsewhere (not to you).
It wold be ill-advised to tolerate. Such nonsense from your husband. File for legal separation and show him you mean business. Talking about things is useless at this point. You have to show him with your actions and your behavior. he needs to know that you can do better than him if he is to continue with this, and you have no fear of abandonment.
Sometimes guys count on a woman's fear of abandoment whan they choose to cheat. yes, it IS cheating to maintain relations with other women that exclude you, and he wouldn't do with you right there. Cheating doesn't mean just sex.
Guys cheat because they feel more powerful with an ace in their back pocket. They don't know how to talk about their feelings of inadequacy with you, and are afraid to tell you what they need from you to be fulfilled. They're sometimes too chicken to tell you that they need to feel sexy, attractive, powerful, admired, saught after, and pursued by you. They find it easier to "get back" at you for not fulfilling them (as if you knew and denied them) and go trun away, outside the relationship to someone else (who knows nothing of their flaws and failures) to reinvent themselves and serve their egos.
Your descision to either fix the situation, or raise your standards of what is unacceptable. You need to make your "dealbreakers" known, loud and clear. This situation can be resolved, but only if you both want to save the marriage.
It is possible to recreate the "rush" you feel when a relationsips is new. When your body makes dopamine and releases endorphins, you feel a "high" when you're starting out. But when you come to know each other better, you being to learn about your partner's flaws as well as his good qualities. Your body produces less chemicals that give you that "rush" and creates more chemicals that promote long-term feelings of comfort and acceptance. You need to do physical activities that engages both of you, in order to recreate these chemicals. Rackettball, salsa dancing, other sports, flirting and dating, and teammates in a competition. That, and you need to allow your mind more time to clear the "noise" (responsibilities, obligations, hurt feelings, and partner flaws) to focus on being in the moment, when you're getting physical. You need to allow your body more time to respond.
If you love him with all of your heart, raise your standards. Let him know what you will and won't accept. Let him know you are not afraid to be alone. Tell him you want to be treated like a priority, not just another option. Tell him you want to hear him call her and break things off while you stand and watch. If he has a problem with that, you will know that he is not committed to the marriage or to you, and you can do better.
2006-10-10 07:18:00 · answer #7 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl......your man can't be trusted! He's talking to her behind your back so think what else he's doing behind your back?!?!!? Or could be doing eventually.....you better tell him what's up. If he's wanting to talk to her, then I would say goodbye!!!!!! You are setting yourself up for disappointment!
2006-10-10 06:38:43 · answer #8 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either you have to accept it,since you are married, or leave him. I have trust issues so I say leave him.
2006-10-10 06:39:27 · answer #9 · answered by sspinnj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well let's see he was in contact w/her b4 marriage and after?????????? What do you think??????? And if you guys live in the same town??or close?? Dump him. Case closed
2006-10-10 06:44:29 · answer #10 · answered by carmella.2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋