I have full custody of my daughter (age 9), occasionally my ex will send her live in boyfriend to pick her up for her alternating weekend visitation. The police in their city (they live an hour away) have been called to their house numerous times because of domestic disputes and although my daughter says he has never hurt her personally she does feel threatened because she has seen him evidently hit her mom and her mom's other child (not mine). Do I have to let her go if he shows up to pick her up for visitation or can I legally say No she isn't going unless her mom specifically picks her up?
2006-10-10 05:53:08 · 10 answers · asked by David 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
thanks for the great answers so far and as you can see there are both sides to look at. To clarify a few things - the papers were written 5 years ago and my lawyer is tied up in some big jury trial and won't be available in the short term. Overall I'm trying to resolve this by not going to court - the first case cost me well over $7,000. The only time she will be left alone with him is in the car, her mom is usually back home by the time they return (or so I'm told)
2006-10-10 06:10:25 · update #1
Rather than causing more tension and stress, why don't you just drop her off and pick her up if it really bothers you. If your agreement doesn't specify that she must personally pick her up, I doubt you could refuse a designated person who is not impaired (drunk, high, etc). You really can't start making up your own rules as you go along.
If she is in his presence all weekend, how is being in his presence in the car different than being in his presence in the home?
2006-10-10 06:03:00 · answer #1 · answered by BoomChikkaBoom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would notify the mother that unless she personally appears to pick the child up you will not allow her to leave. Of course, you then have to be ready for the same rule to apply to you. More importantly, I would get back into court and alter the visitation agreement to state that your daughter cannot visit if an unrelated adult male is spending the night in the home. I would even consider restricting mom's visitation to supervised only because of the violence your child is witnessing. In addition, I would have a serious talk with your daughter about the importance of telling you if anything that is going on in the home is making her uncomfortable. This is a very bad enviornment for your child to be in and I would be very concerned. You may also want to consider reporting the abuse of the other child in the home to children's services or the general domestic violence to the police. Please do not hesitate to do everything you legally can to keep your child safe.
Ok, and not to scare you or anything but I think it is important to say. To all those people who say if she is in his presence all weekend what is the difference if she is alone with him in the car -there could be a huge difference! I am a child abuse prosecutor, which no doubt, skews by view of the situation. However, what I know from experience is the vast majority of cases sitting on my desk are perpetrators who are mom's new boyfriend/husband. When domestic violence enters the picture, the risk increases dramatically because Mom is highly unlikely to protect her child even if she know exactly what is going on. While a child molester is not always deterred by the presence of others in the home, certainly, presenting the opportunity for alone time is something that should be avoided at all cost. I am not saying this man is a molester, he may very well just be a violent SOB, but that in and of itself is risk enough. This sends off all sorts of red flags for me. I wish you the best. Please take action as quickly as possible to get your daughter out of this potentially very harmful situation.
2006-10-13 10:10:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
READ YOUR COURT ORDER!
My Texas order says: "Each Conservator may designate any competent adult to transfer Possession of the Child in the place of the Conservator." Also, your ex cannot delegate more rights than she possesses; so, are you 'sole' or 'joint' conservator?
Get copies of each police report as soon as you learn of the incidents! Pay for a background check on the boyfriend. Any convictions? Move for no visitation with B/F present or supervised visits only.
PS Prepare for the future!!!
Interview attorneys now, especially all the good ones! It poisons the attorney from ever being hired by your ex (conflict of interest).
Buy a microcassette tape recorder and telephone pickup microphone, and tape record every telephone conversation you have pertaining to your child! In most states you can secretly record ANY conversation you are a party to (it is perfectly legal to 'document' your life). But DO NOT record anything you are not a party to (calls of your child with other parent) - that can get ALL your tapes thrown out of court. Be sure to state the date (month day & YEAR) and time before the call is answered.
2006-10-10 06:16:09 · answer #3 · answered by redmartian13 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
by law no you don't.. The visitation is between you and your ex and you can refuse to give her to someone if it isn't you ex "for your daughter's own safety" but he's going to be there regardless if he picks her up or your ex picks her up, do you want to put your daughter through that. If your ex is having domestic disputes then you should go back to court and see about getting the visitation taken away if it's that bad and your daughter feels threatened. Having you stand outside yelling at some man and not letting your daughter go with someone that you know she is going to be with anyway is not the way to go. You are just fighting a battle that you really shouldn't be fighting. All you will be doing is causing more problems.
2006-10-10 06:03:42 · answer #4 · answered by katjha2005 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would call and ask the lawyer that handled the case and check to see if it is specified in the court documents- mine is - and only her dad can pick her up- and she cannot be left w anyone more than 2 hours and I have the option of keeping her during that time- D
2006-10-10 06:03:27 · answer #5 · answered by Debby B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call you local Court house and ask if you have the right, have your Dorice decree in hand. I think on the grounds of a domestic abusive home that your X lives in is ground enough to stop all visitation to the home until your X proves that it has change. Not sure about this but please call your local Court house or your attorney, PLEASE before you little girl becomes more of a victim. If one child is in danger then your child is in danger......
2006-10-10 06:07:19 · answer #6 · answered by Johnny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you do not have to and don't! I would make her momma take me back to court just to see her outside your supervision until she promised to keep your daughter away from this evil controlling piece of *&^%^! You have full custody and a good reason not to let her go. My dad never did this for me with my mom and her #*$&%^#%! Do it for your daughter she needs her daddy to stand in where she can't poppa. Hope it works out.
2006-10-16 02:53:39 · answer #7 · answered by determined26a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how your visitation was set up, I would give it a try, if she pushes it, maybe it will go to court and if the visitation doesnt support it, maybe it can be changed in light of your and your daughter's concerns. Best of luck
2006-10-10 05:56:30 · answer #8 · answered by roamin70 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to let her go with anyone except a person both of you agree upon.
So...no
Look at your custody papers.
Also i'd talk to a lawyer about the domestic violence thing.
2006-10-10 05:58:00 · answer #9 · answered by Dave 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No X10nth This is very unwise and if you hurt someone's feeling so what ?? If they are on the level they will undersatnd so you havent caused any bad feelings and if you did , you would not want your daughter to go with them anyway/// Just asy she is your responability //// SOOOOOO piss on them !!
2006-10-10 06:00:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋