what would you do and how would you react if youre fiances ex (that has a child with him)is living with his mother-which is soppose to be youre going to be mother in law- i dont know how to deal with this situation- im annoyed that i have to spend every holiday with her with our daughter. Also his mother introduces her has her daughter in law- do you think i can make this work?
2006-10-10 05:37:13 · 9 answers · asked by DEDRA 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
we have a child together- and theyve been apart for atleast 5 years-were in the process of picking out a wedding cake- and she hasnt even attempted to see our daughter -shes seen her once
2006-10-10 05:45:01 · update #1
its his ex girlfriend of a few months, and i dont really enjoy spending all my holidays with her,i love his daughter-im just uncomfortable with spending and inviting her to our wedding-which was suggested by his mom
2006-10-10 06:09:09 · update #2
uncomfortable with his ex coming to the wedding-his daughter is one of the flower girls
2006-10-10 06:16:03 · update #3
What a tricky situation for all of you. Let me get this straight....your fiance's ex wife and their child are living with his mother - your future mother in law......??? You and your fiance have a child also? The next bit was hard to understand....you are cheesed off because you have to spend every holiday with your fiance's mother and his ex and their child OR - when you go on holiday - your child has to spend the holidays with her grandmother, the ex and the ex's child???? Whatever the case - yes you can make this work....but it won't be easy. Once you marry this man - you are then the daughter in law..........not the first wife. You will have to make sure that everyone understands this. I would even get a t-shirt printed that said "real daughter in law" or something like that. You husband should be on your side - and this can be tricky for him because he has a child that he doesn't want to lose contact with...........and unfortunately his ex holds all the cards on that one. Your future mother in law could be worried too that she may be denied access to her grandchild - that is - the child of your husband and his ex. You can be a real winner here - by being nice as pie about it.....always be sweet as honey to your husband's ex and to your future mother in law. Don't give them one single reason to bag you. Don't pump your daughter for information every time she visits her grandmother. Unfortunately life is messy and complicated. While you are obviously not happy about the situation - you can make it work for you. Make friends (yes really) if you can with the ex and the mother in law. Don't forget that your child is the half sister of your husband's other child. Don't deny your child the chance to form a relationship with her half sibling. Things have a way of sorting themselves out and hey - you have a wedding to plan!!!!!!!! You should be focusing on that and the lovely life you will have with your new husband. He is the one you love - he is the one you have already won over. Everything and everyone else - at the end of the day - is irrelevant. You can make this work. Good luck!
2006-10-10 06:00:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reading your question, no, UNLESS you come to terms with the situation.
You understandably feel threatened by his ex, but you have to get real. The questions are:
1. Do you want to be with this guy bad?
2. are you willing to put up with everything surrounding him to keep him.
If both answers are yes consider the following:
Your MIL is being very generous to a girl she learned to love and wants to take care of even though the marriage didn't work. No longer being married to her son did not change the relationship your MIL has with his ex. Be glad to have found a family with such big hearts and hope your fiance learned to love from his mother, and you'll be the luckiest girl.
Forget labels, ignore names: When you visit your MIL, there will be this person there that you don't need to like or even need to be friends with, just be civil to her. Imagine it is your sister in law and things might be easier to handle. If you play this right, there will be a place for you in his mother's life too, and you'll be the winner because you get to be with him too.
One more thing: What would you like his mother to call her, any other title would raise eyebrows or sound negative. Also try and find out why this was set up this way.
2006-10-10 12:51:44 · answer #2 · answered by Don't look too close! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth is, if you want to marry this guy, then you have to accept the fact, that you will always take the back seat to his children and furthermore, that woman will always be in his life.
If you can accept this and agree to live this lifestyle without ever complaining about it or feeling hurt, then you could have a sucessful marriage.
But please, why would you want this for yourself. You deserve a man who will be totally, 100% devoted to you. You dont want to have other women, and their children interferring with your life.
This guy has already had two children with two different women. What makes you think he's a good choice.
Dont make a bad situation worse by marrying it. It can only end in disaster.
You need to do what's best for YOU!
Talk to your parents. See if you can move back in with them so that you can get your life together.
Good luck!
2006-10-10 13:07:05 · answer #3 · answered by DaBoomvang 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without hurting any ones feelings you need to simply tell the mother-in-law to be that you are marrying her son despite the ex and the child he and the ex have together. Tell her you understand that there is a child involved but she is doing that child no justice by disrespecting the woman in her own child's life! (you) Tell her that its a shame that she has such little respect for her own child that she would disrespect the woman he is choosing to marry! Making the choice to marry (you) is more of a heart felt decision than the decision he made during sex to not be careful or protect himself and wound up with a love child! Tell her she needs to respect her sons choices in life!! Tell her to Grow UP!
2006-10-10 12:49:34 · answer #4 · answered by Sam 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hows your relationship with his mother? If she continues to call her the daughter in Law that's not cool, but if she's only saying that b/c he's not married and she's her grand baby's mother, then nothing a small VERY friendly chat won't fix.
2006-10-10 12:41:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long have the two of you been together and how long has she lived with his mother? Have you ever tried talking to his mother? I don't know how you deal with that, but you are a lot stronger than I am.
2006-10-10 12:41:10 · answer #6 · answered by wilsonhutchison04 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This isn't going to work; your future mother-in-law obviously prefers the ex over you and is reminding both you and your fiance of that every chance she gets.
Get out now, or be miserable for life; your fiance is a wuss for not dealing with his ex OR his mother. you deserve better.
2006-10-10 12:40:09 · answer #7 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think u better talk2 ur fiancee about all this.It's crazy.
2006-10-10 12:41:20 · answer #8 · answered by soft heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO !
2006-10-10 12:39:07 · answer #9 · answered by Geedebb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋