Husband slept with my cousin?

Question

I have been married for nearly 12 years. I met back up with my cousin a year ago at my grans funeral. She came down to see me and we started spending a lot of time together. She got on really well with my husband and we used to have a laugh together. I found out two weeks ago that they had slept together in my house whilst I was asleep upstairs. The pair of them have told me that it just happened and as soon as they realised what they were doing they stopped. I dont know how to cope with this. I love my husband but i feel completely betrayed. I find myself wndering how many more times this has happened. They both say it has not happened before and would not happen again. But they are not going to tell me the truth. I only found out about one night.

I dont know when they stopped. They said everything happened so quick and before they knew it they were having sex and then stopped. But the fact is that they still both did it in my house whilst I was asleep upstairs. I have asked why it happened and neither of them can give me an answer. They said they dont know. I am so confused dont know what to think. Want to forgive them but dont know how to

My husband has done nothing since I found out but try and be nice to me. But he and she will not give me a real reason as to why or how it happened. He says he does not fancy her. I asked if there was somethine wrong with us he replied no. Our sex life is better now than it has been for years. What am I supossed to think.

Answer 1

If someone dropped a plate and broke it, would you throw them away with the plate? Forgive him forget it and move on

Answer 2

Either there is hidden problem in your marriage which you do not see or even suspect, or they engage in infidelity purely for the sex.
The physical act of infidelity is not necessarily the most damaging element. An extra-marital affair is conducted in secrecy. This secrecy once it is discovered, undermines an otherwise healthy marriage The idea of trust, openness, sharing and the belief that you belong to something all will unquestionably be damaged. At this point, the cheater needs to own up t o things and the victim needs to be able to express what they are going through openly. Then the issue that led to the affair can be addressed and both parties need to take responsibility for the problems and how they will be fixed. Yes, marriage can survive infidelity and a happy marriage can be restored wit patience, sincerity and effort. Some of the hurdles that will arise are the victim’s inability to get over the deception, the adulterer’s inability to realize what the have done and how wrong it is or a general inability to address and fix the underlying problems. I do not think that your husband and cosign are sincerely regretting what happened, rather they are trying to find an excuse for betrial.

Answer 3

For starters, I hope you've made it clear that shes not to be seen again. The problem with someone who has cheated on you is that you will never again trust them the same way. Its like putting together a delicate porcelain vase, sure you can glue so it looks pretty good, but it isn't something you trust to put water and flowers in. And the glue lines always show. Whether it was one night or a dozen, it doesn't matter because your trust was broken. I don't think its necessary to dump him because , if his other behaviors have been decent it could have been a midlife crisis with a dash of very bad judgment. That's what I hate about adultery, it can't be taken back and the marriage made whole again.
Many women have lived with the knowledge that their husbands have strayed and kept on with the marriage and gotten to a level of happiness. Others try to get over it and can't. If it still bothers you six months from now then talk to a professional, and see if that can clarify matters for you.

Answer 4

Your cousin and your husband disrespect you in your own home --- he and she were looking for some quick fun and they found it.... unfortunately he sacrificed 12 years of marriage and she sacrificed family bond for her moment of pleasure....the reality sets in and they are faced with what has happened.... broken trust and strained relationship between cousins/family.... and you are faced with the betrayal by your own husband and your cousin and the fact it happened in your own home is the ultimate humiliation!
Now, you are wondering should I stay and work things out or do we end the marriage? hard decisions.
The first thing I would tell you to do is get out of the house and put some distance between yourself and your husband and the house--- those things are tied to bad memories now.
You need time to think without being around either of them or the house. After you have had time alone, then go get some therapy for yourself first (you sound really hurt) then decide if you want the marriage and if you do, have a meeting with your husband and see if he wants the same thing.... lay out the ground rules and then get marriage counselling together.

Answer 5

i dont blame them for dis owning you. your cousins husband. that is sick. how would you feel if it was the opposite way round. i found an answer that you had sent to someone: by Zoey Member since: 10 September 2009 Total points: 93 (Level 1) Add to My Contacts Block User Best answer 0%1 answer Member Since: 10 September 2009 Total Points: 93 (Level 1) Points earned this week: 93 Add to My Contacts Block User are you treating her good? try treating her as you just met make a total fuss of her and don't try and ask her for sex wait until she is ready maybe a gentle talk over a candle lit dinner about the problem.. good luck and i hope she isnt cheating! 'HOPE SHE ISNT CHEATING' seems bit rich come from you dont u think. you got yourself into that mess now you will have to get yourself out of it

Answer 6

I know this is going to be incomprehnsible to you, but I would bet 1million dollars that your husband has no emotional attachment to your cousin whatsoever. It makes more sense that a man would have a affair, or whatever 12 years into a good marraige. I would conisder that healthier that 3 years into a bad one. He made a huge mistake, and I am sure both were feeling guilty or you'd never known about it.
If you going to stay married, your gonna have to forgive them both... I would also ask your cousin to only be around for funerals if need be. There is no reason for you to reconcile with her, but since she is family , you're gonna see her again.
if this is too much for you, save yourself the years of frustration and file for divorce... and honey go for it all.

Answer 7

I think that you should consider the fact that a cheater will cheat again. However, because you have been married for 12 years, I think that you should give your husband a warning...if he ever cheats again, then thats it. You should also speak to your cousin and tell her that you would prefer it if she would not be alone with your husband...or something like that. Make your concerns heard, and be sure to explain that you're dissapointed in both of them, and may never trust them again.

Answer 8

I am so sorry that you are going through this. How incredibly selfish of your cousin and husband. Stuff like that does not “just happen”. It’s a choice, and they both chose to betray you. Your husband chose to forsake all that he vowed to you 12 years ago. I could never stay with my husband if he did that to me. I would kick him out immediately. If you do decide to give him a second chance, things will never be the same. You should seek counseling to help you through this time.
Please remember, not all men cheat. You can find one who will treat you like a queen, but you have to leave your rat of a husband first.
I'm so sorry...

Answer 9

You should go to your cousin and ask her for a dollar and when she give you the dollar, tell her that your ex husband is hers. Then go to your husband and tell him that he have to move out of the house because he now belong to your cousin. And for now on when ever you see your husband or cousin you show them the dollar, that's how much they both worth. You are still young and you will find a good man that will appreciate you and respect you and will make you happy. Good Luck.

Answer 10

Cheating is cheating but this is really bad considering it was your cousin and in your own home while you were there. Honestly if it was me I don't think I could ever trust my spouse again. And without trust there is no relationship. I mean, if he would do that, what are the odds that he has been having other affairs with other women that you have no idea about? Pretty good I would bet.

Answer 11

If he was bold enough to do it with you in the same house what happens when he's not in your presence? I don't believe in "it just happens" but only you know if you can forgive him and move on or leave his a** If your cousin is living with you that hoe needs to go. Never have a female around your man when you are not present.