I need some advice on my husband! I am sad.?

Question

I am always catching him looking as lesbian porn. And I ask why do you look at it you are happily married. He replys I don't know and every answer is I don't know. And he says I have been doing it before I met you and so on he says. Its because you don't give me pictures. But I have and he still looks at sluts all the time and it makes me feel like I am not good enough for him. What should I do?

Answer 1

I go through the same thing with my husband, and he says all the same things as yours (he did it before we met etc...)

It's really heart-breaking. They don't realize how much it can hurt us to know they get off on looking at other women. Especially when they're sneaky about it.

You're right, it makes you feel like you aren't good enough for him. But the truth is, even if you were absolutely perfect and had one of those porno star bodies, he would still look. That's what men do. Try not to let it make you feel insecure, which I know is easier said than done, trust me.

If it's any consolation at all, just know that your husband is not the on;y one doing this...pretty much all guys do it.

Men have this need for fantasy which includes looking at other women, and watching other people have sex. Believe me when my husband tried to explain to me how he enjoys watching sex with "someone different" it broke my heart, but I'm slowly realizing that it's not that he's unhappy with me or our marriage, it's just this need that guys have to "have their cake and eat it too" At the end of the day he loves you just the same.

If you need to talk email me [e-mail]. Good luck hon.

Answer 2

It is natural to look at porn even if you're in a loving and commited relationship.
I've looked at porn and I am a woman that is happily engaged with a man that I have been with for such a long time.
The problem with porn and your only concern should be if it comes in the way of your sex life and real life situations. As long as he is still acting the same towards you, making love to you, and caring about you then it really isn't a problem. You feel ugly because he watches it but he is only doing what he has done before he knew you. It doesn't mean that you're not attractive.

Answer 3

First of all I would say your husband probably has some kind of addiction to the porn.
Don't ever let yourself feel like you are not good enough. This is has nothing to do with you, but with him and it is a problem and if he understands that it bothers you and does not stop it, then he has little respect for how you are feeling and if he can't stop, then he needs to get himself some help.
You are fine just the way you are. Don't let someone else's stupidity make you feel less about yourself.

Answer 4

There are two issues here. The first is that he doesn't seem to respect you enough to not look at the porn while your around. He should at least care about your feelings enough to limit his time looking to time when your not around. The second issue here is with you not feeling good enough for him. This is a normal reaction by a lot of women but the truth of the matter is that isn't how your husband sees it. Guys are visually stimulated. When they are looking at porn it isn't to compare you to them, it is strictly for that stimulation. When he looks at the porn what actually goes through his head is probably thoughts about you more so than about the women he is actually looking at. The solution there for to this issue is two fold. One, you need to relax a little and realize that you are good enough and that his looking at porn has nothing to do with you. Second, he needs to respect how you feel about this issue and restrict his porn to times when your not around. If he can't respect you and places his need to look at porn above you and your feelings then you have a serious problem and need to rethink this relationship.

Answer 5

He probably wants to know it the women are doing something to please women that he hasn't thought of.
I think most men that are open minded enjoys looking at women on women and I wouldn't be jealous, and ask if he minds if you watch & both of you comment at what you see.
I always see jealously as an unsecurity and one can get over that by knowing they love who they are and there's no need to compete in any matter. It would be a boring world if everyone was the same.
You're OK, just jump into his way of "exploring".

Answer 6

This is fact ! A man always wants a woman out of the bedroom, when the doors shut you must become his personal toy. If you don't know how to handle it, get out. Although, the challenge is worth the anticipation in his eyes. Learn to be dominate. Tell him what you need, then if that doesn't work, show him how to do it.

Answer 7

It's just fantasy. You are his reality. His wife. The porn is just fantasy. A sexual release. Don't let it bug you. When he stops coming home, and starts spending time else where, and loses interest in sex......THAT is when you should be upset!

Men are visual....he just likes THAT form of imagery to stimulate him. Why don't you watch with him.....and give him a real reason to be stimulated? Even if you watch him while he watches them....if you do things right.....he will soon start to 'watch' YOU.

=)

Answer 8

Tell your husband to trash the porn, where it belongs.

Garbage In/Garbage Out!

Your husband needs counseling. The sooner the better.

Answer 9

Set aside that particular peccadillo, and consider the rest of the relationship. Does he take care of his responsibilities? Do you enjoy being with him? If the answer to these is Yes, forget about his reading habits. If No, it may be time to split.

Answer 10

Ask him if he would be okay with you looking at gay men porn. After he really thought about it, he would realize how much he would hate for you to be looking at not just one man, but several men... together. After he sees how it is from your point of view, he might change his mind.