Right now, I am very paranoid about being pregnant.I do not want any more kids. I protected myself well, but my husband did not fulfill his end of the deal.
Anyways, I cannot get in to my OB until after Thanksgiving to get a tubal, and this I have been banking on doing for some time. I already have a 6 year old, and a 10 month old, and the thought of having a baby makes me physically ill.
Thing is, I am wondering if I should get the MAP, since I did have sex yesterday on the 14th day of my cycle. I usually ovulate on the 11-12th day, so I thought I would be OK using protection as long as my genius husband did not...you know. Well, he did.
Now I am pissed at him and forcing him to get clipped ASAP, like tomorrow ASAP. If I am indeed pregnant, I will have the baby, but I want to give it for adoption because I really don't want any more kids. Is this wrong for a married couple to do? We are not poor by any means, I just don't want any more kids. Period.
Is this wrong?
2006-10-10 05:02:09 · 23 answers · asked by Goddess of Nuts PBUH 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Darlene... thank you so very much for those fine words of love and encouragement and peace. I'm sure God will so richly bless you for your humble heart and gentle nature.
2006-10-10 05:28:18 · update #1
I don't think it's wrong. It's your choice and as long as you and your husband agree then I think it's a good decision. There are lots of families out there that can't have children and would love to adopt your baby if you are indeed pregnant! Good luck with however things work out!
2006-10-10 05:08:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I gave up my one and only child for adoption, and I've no regrets. He'll be 15 years old in just a few months.
If it's what's in your heart to do, how could it be wrong? How many couples are wanting to adopt? A lot! And how many kids out there are born with drug addictions and other issues that it takes people with a certain grace to adopt? Not every couple has this in mind when seeking to adopt. So this is an awesome blessing and a gift that you have to give for a couple such as this who has wanted to raise kids for who knows how long.
And who knows? Maybe you can do the kind of open adoption where you get to see the child every once in a while - if you'd like. I did an open adoption, chose the couple I knew in my heart was the right couple, but I opted out of my choice to see the child grow up. I didn't want there to be any confusion about who the mom was. Sometimes I wish I hadn't been so adamant about keeping that option so closed. Even so, I've no regrets. I get pictures of the child every year, and when I see the ones of them all as a family, I can't see anything but how right the decision was. It was a meant-to-be kind-of-thing.
EDIT - And, for the record, I wanted kids even when I made this choice, and I still wanted kids for a long time after giving my one and only up. My biggest thing was I didn't want to raise kids alone. I wanted a family - not just kids. Now that I'm the age I am (41), I'm fine if it doesn't happen.
Not every one is the same. Some people are into having a whole house full of kids. Some people aren't into having kids at all. And some people who have very strong emotions about raising their own kids will have their opinions. I had all kinds of people like that telling me that once I saw the baby I wouldn't be able to give the baby up. At the time it made me angry. I wanted to shout at them and say, "You're not me! How do you know what I'll be able to do and what I won't?" And, it turns out, they didn't know. I kept the baby with me for 5 days and put the baby in the mom's arms personally. I just had to stay focused on that happening during that period the baby was with me was all. And there was plenty of grace to do just what I did.
The point I'm trying to make is, you're the only one who knows what's in your heart. And you're the only one who can decide what's right for you and what's not right for you. No one else can make this call but you and your husband.
2006-10-10 12:19:31 · answer #2 · answered by Carol L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In the end the decision is yours and your husbands, but I don't think you should give the baby up for adoption if you are pregnant. Have you really put a lot of thought into what you are saying? Have you ever known anyone who's given up a child? Are you sure that you could do something like that? You said that you already have a 6 year old and a 10 month old, well how are you going to explain that to your oldest child? They are old enough to know what a big belly means and they will want to know where thier new baby is. And have you and your husband even talked about adoption? Does he even know that you are thinking that and if he doesn't know, how do you think he will feel when he finds out?
I think that you need to think long and hard about that one.
2006-10-10 12:14:49 · answer #3 · answered by wilsonhutchison04 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard situation. I think it's wrong that you made a mistake and now you want to just get rid of it. I think it's wrong that your other children will see you have a child inside and then you are going to just give it away. I think it's wrong that you are forcing your husband to get "fixed" because of this accident.
Of all the things I feel are wrong, I think it's good you aren't going to abort. I think if you do an adoption where you give the child to a family you've met and like, it's better. That way you know your child will be with a loving and caring family. I think you may have a change of heart later but as of right now realize what you do will not only effect you but your husband and children.
Best of luck to you! Hope you do the right thing!
2006-10-10 12:08:40 · answer #4 · answered by .vato. 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Who are you to force your husband to get fixed?? It is 100% your responsibility to protect yourself from having kids if you dont want no more.You are his childrens mother,not his.It is not your husbands fault in anyway if you are pregnant.You laid there having sex knowing you could concieve and you made no attempts to make sure he was wearing protection.keep in mind the only way to make sure that you dont get pregnant is to keep your legs closed.It is so unfair to bring a unwanted child into this world because you wanted a few moments of pleasure.I hope by all means you are not pregnant but if you are then I say give it up for adoption and learn from your mistake and greed and lost.Oh I said lost because you will be the only one losing on giving a child up for adoption.Sorry if this sounds so mean and poorly worded but I type whats on my mind.
2006-10-10 12:25:22 · answer #5 · answered by darlene100568 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First thing, how could you expect your husband not to get off that's what happens. Number two. That's your child. You play with fire, you get burned. Number three. That's his decision whether or not he gets fixed, not yours. Your not his mother. And the thought of having another makes you ill? Then why have sex with him? That to me is disgusting. You can't be pissed at him for getting off, it happens when you two have sex, don't like it, stop having sex, common sense. I think you should keep this baby. It's not the baby's fault you don't want to have kids, don't punish the unborn for your own mistakes.
2006-10-10 12:58:49 · answer #6 · answered by Krissy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no it is not wrong, no one should not even try to persuade you into something with this much responsibility, I'm not sure what your husband did, using protection is 99% effective against pregnancy..if he didn't put the condom on that would be your fault you should have noticed and if your husband is trying to get you pregnant without your knowledge or trying to deceive you in any way you should rethink your entire relationship...even if you are not pregnant you should not have to deal with checking every condom making sure there are no holes in it every time you have sex. You need to be with someone you can rely on and trust.
2006-10-10 12:08:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide if it right or wrong..But I think you are just angry and anxious at the moment and not thinking straight...if it turns out you are pregnant then you will have to discuss the situation with your husband...With 2 healthy children already I am inclined to think when the anger evaporates you will love this baby the same as the first two...if not there are lots of couples who cant have children who would love this child...
2006-10-10 12:06:24 · answer #8 · answered by Lily 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Please dont give your baby up if you can afford it..you will regreet it for the rest of your life..call your doctors office and get the birthcontrol that is a jelly or something else that you can use that night to protect you from pregnancys..there are all kinds of birthcontrol not just the pill..i dont blame you for wanting to get your tubes tid..but until your appointment you need something good..good luck and god bless..
2006-10-10 12:12:10 · answer #9 · answered by bllnickie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what happens when this child grows up and decides to look for you? what are you going to tell him/her....I did'nt want you.
Sorry if that seems harsh but I was adopted, our bilogical parents neglected us and my little sister almost starved to death. Luckly I have wonderful parents now and would'nt trade them for the world....anyways.......are you going to tell your kids that they have a brother or sister out there somewhere? and if you don't what if they find out about it, what are you going to tell them? I don't understand how you can't want the one you may be pregnant with after having children, as much as you love them how can you give that one up? Again I'm sorry for sounding so harsh but as a mother of 2 I can't imagine ever giving my child up for adoption even if it was an accident.
2006-10-10 12:56:55 · answer #10 · answered by nelope 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋