I'm new to this board and I want to thank everyone for responding. I have to add to my previous post that I left my husband 5 years ago because of his drinking and self destructive behavior. He went into a rehab program for 4 weeks. I was fully supportive and was willing to work on trusting him again. He is part of a very supportive AA group and has continued to go to meetings even though he "fell off the wagon". He has been lying to them just as he had been lying to me. His abuse never turns outward. He may help around the house and has always held a job but he has no ambition and no sense of responsibility. He has stolen money from our son and won't work more than 30-35 hours a week. I have done everything to keep the stress levels down for him and even cut him off from the bank account to protect him from himself. I would support him if he came to me but he waited for me to find out, he admitted that! I don't believe in divorce so this is really hard for me.Thank you all!
2006-10-10 04:57:59 · 9 answers · asked by Mom first 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't believe in divorce either, but there comes a time when you have to take care of yourself and your family. You can separate from him. You need to find someone who is as supportive of you, as you are of him. Will he go to counseling? He is obviously selfish & immature. Honey, you have done your part. He needs to be responsible for his own actions. It's time for him to realize there are consequences in life. Good luck, dear. And it may not hurt for you to get some counseling as well as your son.
2006-10-10 05:05:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bad news is that 60% of all drinkers never stop they just move into the closet. If he can become one of the 40% then it takes lots of hard work to stay on the wagon. It is more addictive that drugs and cigs. Alcohol messes with your mind and your life. Most of us don't believe in divorce but don't stay just because you do not believe in divorce or for the kids. That causes more harm than good.
Do you still love him? Can he support the family? Can he stop lying to you (that is addictive too)? If he is stealing for his habit it may be too late. Don't ruin your life and your kids to stay with a man that is self-destructing as he will take you down too. It is like the titanic going down. You are there, on board, you see the danger you stay with the ship and you get pulled down into the sea of destruction you die (inside).
You have lots of decisions to make. Good Luck.
2006-10-10 05:09:37 · answer #2 · answered by Nevada Pokerqueen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi
That was me 5 years ago, the alcoholic, my boyfriend of 5 years put up with my bs time and time again, we seperated got back together and now we have a 3 year old and I put things into perspective. Drinking obviously wasn't working out for me and if I wanted to be lost and alone then that is where is was taking me. I haven't had a drink since Dec 19th last year and our relationship is stronger then ever. Don't give up, if it's meant to be it will work out, I even did the AA and rehab stuff and lied and now it is so far behind me......
2006-10-10 05:03:55 · answer #3 · answered by momma whitley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most people do not succeed in their first attempt to quit.
AA/12step rehab is one of the least effective methods:
What works:
http://www.behaviortherapy.com/whatworks.htm
AA effectiveness:
http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-effectiveness.html
I was one of those who got worse by my involvement with AA. I bounced in and out of the rooms for almost 20 years, only managing a few months at a time. Five years ago, I got help for the depression that caused my alcoholism (rather than the other way around) and have been sober since.
One Harvard study concluded that the best factor in someone maintaining sobriety is a supportive spouse.
I wish both of you the best.
2006-10-10 08:23:57 · answer #4 · answered by raysny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe in divorce either. You'd be amazed if I told you what I've been through and am presently going through to keep my marriage together.
I have been rewarded for this and I am expecting great rewards in heaven, because of my faithfulness.
Yes, what you are going through is really hard. My encouragement for you is to keep your focus right. Don't even try to focus on the whole picture. Just focus on one problem at a time and the best solution for it. That's all any of us can really handle.
God can change things in a heart beat, when the time is right!
2006-10-10 05:42:49 · answer #5 · answered by delmaanna67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a recovering alcoholic 5 years sober . Please do yourself a favor go join an al anon group , they will show you what to do to deal with him . This program is not for him at all it's for you ! Right now you are enabling him .
The most loving thing you can do for him is tell him you do not approve of this behavior and will no longer allow it ! My husband never stopped enabling me and my drinking nearly caused my death . no I'm not blaming him , he didn't know any better . I have a 360 page if you need to talk !
2006-10-10 05:10:09 · answer #6 · answered by Geedebb 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you are a very strong women! I also do not believe in divorce, and think you are vourageous to keep living life, and trying to help your husband!!!
Pray, all things are possible through God and the Blessed Virgin Mary... If you can, and know who I am speaking of, pray to St. Monica for help.... Read her story if you do not know much about her....
2006-10-10 05:02:44 · answer #7 · answered by lily 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you may not believe in divorce but do you believe in separation?most abusers of substances need to hit rock bottom and lose most of what they hold dear before they can see what it is doing to them,,,if your husband knows you will always take his drinking he has no real reason to stop,,if he never loses anything he has nothing at all to gain does he,,this cant be good for your children either,,seeing dad like this and mum worried all the time,,,,,he still has his job which is good but he is still an alcoholic and if he is now lying to the AA he is planning on keeping on drinking too.he wont be strong enough to make these decisions for himself and the family but you can,,tell it like it really is,,,,,he quits or its over,,how much do you really want to take............liver and kidney failure,,debt,,lies,,yellow skin,,sweats,,twitchings,,violence,,a life wasted and death,,,,,,,,,,is this your perfect life?
2006-10-10 05:08:47 · answer #8 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Pray about it ......God bless you
2006-10-10 05:29:22 · answer #9 · answered by tmmglbrt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋