4 Years ago my husband had a one night stand. I'm just now hearing about this. I have forgiven him and told him that we are to get marriage counseling. The problem I'm having is everytime I lie down on our bed to go to sleep I see my husband having relations with someone that's not me, how do i get it out of my head?
2006-10-10 04:19:39 · 15 answers · asked by mommy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband cheated on my 7 years ago. I am not going to lie, it took me a long time to get over it. But maybe this will help. It took me so long because I was waiting for him to make it better. I finally realized I had to get over it. Yes he had to do his part and earn my trust, but the hurting part was my job. I realized that if I wanted to stay in this marriage I had to let go. start over. If you want to have a good marriage, look deep into yourself. Wipe the slait clean. Learn to fall in love again. Not with the man you thought he was but with the man you have now. If you can't love him, then you will never get over it. Once in awhile I will think about it, but I am confident now with myself and I don't worry about him cheating. If he does not want to be with me he is free to go because I deserve someone that will love me and only me.
2006-10-10 06:18:56 · answer #1 · answered by happy96ss 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one it really hurts. I ask why he told you after 4 years? That is strange to me. I think if he told you to clear his own guilt he is mean and cruel. Sometimes in life we are better off not knowing. I wonder why he opted to hurt you at this time. My advice to you is you do need a marriage counseling. There are some big issues going on with your spouse. I would hope that you get to the real problem and that is why he wanted to hurt you so badly after all of this time.
2006-10-10 11:24:26 · answer #2 · answered by blueblossom33 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to feel that way...all your fears and insecurities are at the surface and it's hard to regain your confidence and self worth after a blow like that...I wonder what would be harder...leaving the life you've built together or trying to return it to the way it was (which the damage is done there is no going back)...both are difficult...some women are capable of doing one and not the other it just depends on what "your" willing to do...remind yourself that you are a strong person and by forgiving him and trying to make things work is admirable...you did something I could never do and I respect you for that.
2006-10-10 12:19:10 · answer #3 · answered by LaShes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time is the only answer here. He hurt you tremendously, and what you are thinking in your head is the pain coming thru. This will take time, forgiveness many times over on your part, and his understanding that he caused this pain, therefore the consequences are his, and not your fault. Seek counseling, and best of luck to you honey.
2006-10-10 11:30:42 · answer #4 · answered by daj11551 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're on the right track by going to get help. Honey, until then I don't know if you can get it out of your head. Just stay strong and get to counseling ASAP. I hope everything works out for you.
2006-10-10 11:23:34 · answer #5 · answered by Princess T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar experience. I was never convinced it was a one-night-stand and never convinced it was the only woman/time. I never speak of it because the evidence of anything else has never arisen again. I do, however, try to use the experience to my advantage. How? I occasionally dress differently, wear a wig, something hot/sexy he has never seen before, maybe false eye lashes...essentially, be someone different to provide him someone "different" without his having to look outside our relationship. It doesn't matter to me one bit that I am catering to a weakness of his, 'cause actually it stimulates our sex life and keeps him home.
2006-10-10 11:28:25 · answer #6 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
clearly you have NOT forgiven him! at least not way deep inside. be cause if you have totally forgiven, it would be easy to let that image go. bottom line, honey, do you think that's all you deserve? cause I think I deserve better than that...they do it once, they'll do it again. good luck with the counseling! wish you the best!
2006-10-10 11:29:10 · answer #7 · answered by Cathy SD 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might take years for that image to go away. When you start thinking about it, redirect your thoughts immediately. Think of a special fun place that you can see yourself, having a good time.
Oh, and divorce that bastage! He's not worth it.
2006-10-10 11:27:40 · answer #8 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this means you havent forgiven him,you need to decide if you can forgive him,if you hold on to the anger and saddness this caused you ,then you wont ever be able to let it go?u need to ask your self have you forgiven him,really forgiven him?how did you find out anyway did he just tell you?
2006-10-10 11:24:09 · answer #9 · answered by †Fakey McFakerson♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey you are right you can forgive but to forget some one that was supposed to have loved only you making love to another woman well it will take you a long time and maybe you never will forget,you just keep reminding your self why you forgave him and keep reminding your self why you want to stay with him and maybe with time and him reassuring you , you will be able to move on
good luck
2006-10-10 11:28:49 · answer #10 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋