What do I tell her about her no-good man?

Question

RECENTLY MY BEST FRIEND CAME TO ME ABOUT A PROBLEM SHE'S HAVING WITH HER MAN. LATELY HE'S BEING A REAL ***HOLE. HE VERY MEAN TO HER AND WHEN HIS FAMILY MEMBERS ARE AROUND SHE FEEL'S AS IF HE SHOW'S OFF IN FRONT OF THEM ,TALKING ABOUT HER, PUTTING HER DOWN TALKING ABOUT OTHER GIRL'S IN HER FACE.HE'LL HANG OUT ON HER ALL NIGHT AND AFTER NO FAMILY IS AROUND HE WANT'S THINGS TO GO BACK TO NORMAL.IF HE WANTS TO HANG OUT HE WILL AND MESS ALL OF HIS MONEY UP,HE WON'T HELP HER WITH ANY OF THE BILL'S AND NOW THEIR LIGHT'S ARE OFF,AND HE'S RUNNING AROUND PARTYING LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED.SHE CALLED ME AND TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS FED UP AND WHILE HE WAS AT WORK THIS WEEK SHE WAS GOING TO PACK UP *EVERYTHING* AND LEAVEBEFORE HE GOT OFF FROM WORK. SHE ASKED ME IF SHE WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING I SAID YES. WAS I WRONG?THEY HAVE KID'S SHE SUPPORT'S THEM AND HIS OTHER KID'S AND NOT TO MENTION SHE SUPPORT'S HIS LITTLE COUSIN AND MOTHER WHO BOTH HAVE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. SHE SHOULD LEAVE AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!

Answer 1

You must be a very dear friend, for her to confide all this to you. She is going to need you to carry this through. We tend to get weak when we care deeply for someone, but sounds to me, she is wrapped up in taking care of a whole bunch of folks. The main issue here, is He Ain't Pullin' his weight. She don't need him just to be another person to take care of, she needs someone that will help her and give her some attention too!! Wise call, my dear!

Answer 2

The best thing that you can do is let her do the talking and make her own decisions as to leave or to stay - if she has any sense she will leave and never look back (he's a leech and an mentally abusive person). Most women in this type of relationship will make up excuses for their "man's" behavior when confronted with the issues and how we perceive they should handle it. Stand by her no matter what she decides to do. When she has had enough she will need your help and support. As far as her supporting his family - he will have to step up to bat when the time comes as she is not obligated to support them and her responsibilities lie with her children and herself at this point.

Answer 3

I agree. He isn't doing anything but dragging her down. What is she getting out of the relationship besides misery? What reason does she have to stay for? These are the questions you should ask her. He can have visitation of his kids. He should be helping her especially when she is taking care of his family member's and children. Make her really think about this. It lowers her self-esteem and it puts alot of weight on her shoulders. She will eventually become really depressed and probably suicidal. Help her as much as you can, but only if she is helping herself. If she is going to drag you down too, then just leave it alone.

Answer 4

I don't know what to tell you I have to sister that don't talk to me because their husbands are both @**h0l# s. I hadn't seen my sisters since I was 12 years old and when I turned 21 I found them again when I did they had both married jerks they cheat on them all the time. One week end I went up there and one of their husband hit on me and I told them because it upset my tick me off I don;t go for that and they got mad at me. So my advice.Don't get involved.Stand by her let her do what she has to do on her own. Let it be her chose so she doesn't blame you later. Every time you see him you want to scream but this is her mess let her clean it or she just get herself right back into it.

Answer 5

your friend is experiencing emotional and verbal abuse. the advice that you gave her is correct. you need to stand united with her and support her decision. leaving is the hardest thing to do, but it also the best, in a situation like this. if the utilities are off the environment becomes unsafe for her children and herself, especially with winter coming. there are many programs available for single mothers that offer assistance in suitable housing and help with utilities. as far as his cousin and his mother... it's not their fault... however she has to think of her own children first. you mention that he is mean to her in front of his family members, so there is obviously someone else to take care of them. nobody deserves to be treatly badly or with disrespect. with a caring friend like you i know she'll do fine.

Answer 6

YOU SAY NOTHING!!! Unless he is cheating on her and you have proof. Other than that--she WILL find out on her own and all she needs is your total support!! All you are going to do is make her think she can't confide in you because you just don't understand. If she feels like she can't talk to you about it because it is going to make you feel even more like hating him--SHE WILL DISTANCE HERSELF FROM YOU!! If that isn't what you want--just let her know that you are there for her and continue to be her friend, boost her ego and self esteem--she'll get.

Answer 7

if she was my friend i would tell her get out now. he is just useing her and will keep on doing it he is no good and will never change . she has to think of herself and her kids first their missing out they need their mum the most i hope he dosent abuse her in front of the kids they dont need that crap she and the kids deserve better than that tellher she needs to go before she gets sick she could get depression if she hasnt already if so get her to a doctor

Answer 8

It is hard for someone who is being abused to leave. Often that is the situation they feel most familiar with because their childhood was like that. Don't expect logic and reason with a victim of abuse.

Answer 9

Way to go Rasputin, that saves me typing it, Butt Out Miss Bossy and let your friend live her own life. I'll bet everything in your single garden is Rosey!

Answer 10

This was her decision. She just wanted affirmation that she was doing the right thing. She is. It sounds like he is just adding stress to her . Yes, I think you did the right thing.