In NEED of help with 10 year old who refuses to do school work in school.?

Question

My 10 y/o son has ADD & ODD. We can not motivate this child to do any school work. He plays sports and has recently become ineligible to play. However, the school's rule is that you sit out one week and they reassess your grades the next Friday. Next Friday rolls around and I discover that he sits in class and will not do his classwork. We have taken everything away from him over time and it seems that he does not care. We are at our wits end. I know he is capable of doing the work.

Answer 1

Have you had a formal meeting with the school staff? If not I think you should request a meeting. Does he get any one on one help at his school from an aid? If not I would suggest you bring up the possibility that he has a set number of hours per week with an aid.
If it is any comfort, please know that you are not alone with this problem. I am an ex special ed teacher (retired) and over the years encountered many such children who behaved the same way.
He is probably feeling totally overwhelmed with his ADD and OCD and literally does not know where to begin or end. If he had someone who could do one on one time with him at school, this person would help him organize himself.
Have you tried using a small reward system of some kind, like a chart with points for the good stuff. Make a chart that is simple where he can earn his points for doing the right thing. But he has to be aware that when he does not follow through he can also lose points. Set a realistic amount of points for a week. If he attains all of his points he can be rewarded with something small on the weekend. Such as a trip to the movies or even a rental movie or whatever kind of thing he enjoys. You can also just let him earn cash, a small amount, like five dollars and he can save it up to buy something he wants.
You can also try and arrange that his teachers also keep a simple daily graph that comes home to you at the end of each day. Showing if he accomplished work etc each period. Say a chart with a green dot in the square if he finished that particular lesson and a red dot if he did not. This way you are able to keep track of his daily goings on at school and it also makes him aware that you are knowing what is going on. With the school chart at the end of the week he can be taken to a seperate room and be allowed to pick a small item such an eraser or a pencil or whatever from a goodie bag. Picking a small reward out of the class is in order that other students don't feel they are being gyped. We used this method with quite a few kids and it was often very successful in motivating an unmotivated kid. It is a small thing and does not take much of anyones time, but it gives the child a goal.
I really think you need to insist on a meeting with the school staff ASAP. Not just his teachers but an entire team, his teacher, school counselor, principle, school nurse and anyone that you think should be involved.
Good luck to you and your son, I can also relate as a mother not just as a teacher. My now 25 year old son was the same way. He eventually made it through school and successfully graduated high school, but with the help of a team and slightly modified teaching techniques. By the way my 25 year old does fine now. You can get through this. Take care and have a good day!

Answer 2

Reward him when he is doing his work. Work closely with the teacher, observe him in classes see what is going on. He may be distracted. I have worked with ADD kids for a long time and often the ODD part is more just a symptom of the ADD especially at 10. Likely, he either doesn't get it and doesn't want to ask for help (common in ADD) or he is bored and would rather do nothing than to put out the effort to complete the work. As his parent you know him better than anyone, go see what he is doing in class. Ideally, if there is a way to observe without him knowing. Likely, he doesn't get the connection between not doing the work and missing sports, a week is a long time in the life of an ADD 10 yr old. Likely he is angry since he doesn't know why he isn't playing..... really he doesn't get it, I know it sounds odd, but it's true. Maybe a check list on the fridge to show him his progress towards playing in the game. That way at the end of the week he can "see" whether he is going to play or not. More suggestions would be asking the teacher to give you assignments a few days before so that you can break it into smaller less overwhelming chunks. Split a work sheet in two. or ask the teacher to do this. Find a way to make the assignments more multi sensory. cutting, drawing.

Just some suggestions. Hope they help. Good Luck.

Answer 3

As a teacher, if a student doesn't do the work, I try to find out why. In this case, I feel like I need to understand your son's situation better before coming up with a plan. In general, children with ADD need plenty of physical activity and changes of pace in their learning. But it sounds like there might be more going on than you describe in just your question. Is this completely new behavior? Has he been working diligently in school up till now, or has this been a problem since kindergarten? If this is something new, then you need to consider what has changed at home or at school that might be troubling him - are there tensions or new relationships in either setting that might be distracting or bothering him? You know how hard it is to concentrate on one thing when you're unhappy about something else. Or does he have a new teacher who isn't explaining things in a way he can understand? Is this an academic issue, or an emotional issue?

I'm also wondering how long he has been identified as having ADD/ODD. Has he been receiving treatment - like dietary guidelines, medication, an individualized learning plan at the school - for some time, or is this diagnosis new? Who is coordinating his plan - you, or a private or school counselor, or a special education teacher or a physician? Or a team of all those? Does he need a change of medication? Are expectations consistent between home and school? Do you need to meet with your team to change the plan? If you don't have a team like this, maybe you should talk to the school counselor and special education teacher -- or his classroom teacher if he doesn't spend time with a special ed professional -- and his MD about putting together a team that can brainstorm and all get "on the same page" about trying some different approaches to help your son become a more successful learner.

Psychological research has shown that rewarding desirable behavior is more effective than punishing undesirable behavior. But brain research has also shown that people under about 21 do not have sufficiently developed frontal lobes to accurately weigh the long term consequences of what they're doing, so extrinsic motivators like rewards and punishments are going to have limited effectiveness with children.

Think about what kinds of things keep you going when you're working on something challenging, and the kinds of things that make you feel like giving up -- those same things, same feelings, are what motivate school children also. If you stay with activities that are fun, that you feel successful at, then your son may need a learning environment in which he has fun and feels successful also.

I also liked the suggestion that you spend some time at the school. We had a student last year who would not do the schoolwork as part of the class when left alone, but when an adult - one of his parents, or a volunteer or teacher's aide - sat with him, available for one-to-one coaching, he stayed on task and accomplished a huge amount of very nice work.

Everybody is different, and no single pat answer will fit your situation exactly, but these are some of the directions I would suggest you think and brainstorm in order to help your son.

Answer 4

Ok, heres the deal. Hug him the minute he walks thru the door, then 20 minutes later hug him again. Then 30 minutes later hug him again. And from then on every hour hug him. I went thru this with Matthew. We adopted him. To begin with he was distant. He had an attitude from you know where. But we broke him by showing him LOVE. I'm not saying your not showing him Love, but we learned the attention is what he needs. And we treat him just like we do our other four boys. He's finding we wont bend with the rules either. I use a switch on him as quick as I do my others. He needs to know that we love him as much. We dont play parchoality. And he knows he will stand in the corner for 20 minutes at a time if he goes to far. I tell him I love him everytime I get onto him. Tell him all the time you love him, tell him everyday. Sit with him and say can you show me ( If you dont know how) how to do his work. get involved. I'm 44 yrs old and I've still got to go thru this one more time, with my three year old. And believe me, I'M STILL LEARNING. So be patient with him and try to do his work with him. show him your interested. GOODLUCK and GOD BLESS.

Answer 5

I had this very same problem with my son and the "magic trick" for me was listening to him. I started to realize that all he talked about was video games - different characters, different moves, things to do in the game and I realized this was all-consuming for him. He didn't do his work in school and it took him hours to do his homework because he was off in la-la land thinking about the next move he needed to make to get to the next level in his game. I sat him down and told him matter-of-factly (didn't raise my voice) that I knew for a fact he was smart and perfectly capable of completing the work and I know he was daydreaming about video games and that unless he stopped IMMEDIATELY and completed his work every day at school THAT VERY WEEK he would LOSE his video games forever. I told him that when he walked through the door of the school he was to completely turn off the thoughts of video games and think only of school while there. I told him that if he started thinking of his games to think about what the consequences would be and then make the choice to STOP and FOCUS on the work in front of him. It made ALL the difference in the world! He gets his work done on time and his homework takes 20-30 minutes instead of 2-3 hours! Maybe it will work for you too. You have to be ready to stick by your guns though and really do what you say you are going to do for punishment or he will call your bluff and you will see no change.

Good luck and God bless!

Answer 6

I suffered from ADD growing up. I'm know I still have it, but I can actually control it a lot better now that I am older. I was the kid that you just wanted to beat, jumping off the walls, attention span barely long enough to tie my shoes, etc. I was on ritalin until 6th grade and did decent in school. I was taken off of it 7th, 8th, and 9th grades. My grades suffered tremendously. My mom took me to my physician and he gave me Aderol (sp?). I hated it, but my mom and I had a deal. I stayed on it for a quarter of school and we noted the grades. They had improved, so the deal was that I could go off of it for a quarter but if my grades slipped I was going back on it. I've been off of it since 1999. I graduated with honors from high school and just finished up my assoc. degree and persuing my bachelors. My advice is definitely to reward with positive acts or praise. I never reacted to being punished, I didn't tie the consequence with the action, but I sure loved it when I was praised for doing something good. I would do whatever my parents wanted if I knew they were going to go nuts over it. Also, I did better in school with the subjects I liked, so maybe you can find a way to make them fun or interesting to him. Try and set a schedule when he gets home. Like, as soon as he gets home, its homework first. If you praise his doing well with the new schedule, he'll be more likely to stick with it. Also, when his grades go up, have such a huge response to it that he just thinks, wow, look how proud they are of me. Maybe it will work to make a deal with him, like $1 for every A, or if he gets all A's and only 2 B's, he gets a new video game (or something he would be really excited to get). If he has something to strive for, more than likely he'll work harder for it. I really do not think punishment is going to solve this. I know this was long, but I hope it helps

Answer 7

Go back to his IEP and request an Interim Conference - - he may need a classroom aide to help him stay on track in the classroom and to keep him working.

I did this with my own ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) Children -- they needed classroom aides to stay on track with their classwork -- because distractability and other problems (like the other students making noises, the whirr of the a/c ducts, the crackle that the light fixtures made, etc) all broke their attention spans and they needed to be refocused constantly.

Answer 8

I know it can be difficult dealing with a child who has these disorders. My nephew has ADD and Aspergers....

While schooling is obviously very important, there does come a time when you have to accept that not all children (particularly those with disorders) are just not academically driven and allowances need to be made. My nephew actually began to excel and apply himself more once he felt there was less pressure from us all for him to perform.

We all sat down and just said to him that we knew how difficult it is for him to keep up, to concentrate etc and so we just want him to do his best at his own pace. Also that we understood how discouraging it could be to be in a class full of children (without issues) and having to compete with that.

Having said that, you have to be careful that this is all said in a positive manner and without implying that you have simply given up because he's useless...as Beez suggests, using positive reinforcement rather then punishments may work for you....good luck to you and your boy.

Answer 9

If you have had him diagnosed i assume he is on meds or you had him on meds and took him off. is he taking them? and if you see them go in the mouth is he swallowing them? ok....that said....this is what i think because i work in special ed....autism. you need to be more stubborn about this than he is. you need to say what you are going to do as a punishment and mean it. follow thru. if he steps it up a level then you need to also. you say you've taken things away....but have you made him GIVE them away? this is a matter of wills as far as i can see. tell him you love him but you cannot allow him to destroy himself in any way and if you see him doing that you will take tough steps to stop his behavior. its kinda like being the alpha dog thing. reassure him that all this pressure will end when HE ends the behavior that is ending it. tell him the answer is simple....he stops and you stop. be prepared to go to all levels. if you lose this fight with him you will lose from here on out. get tough but not mean (yelling screaming hitting)

Answer 10

This sounds extreme, but I would think as a parent you have to do whatever it takes. Could you attend school with him for a few hours and work beside him and show him what is expected? It seems like he can't relate your taking things away from his refusal to do the work. Good luck.