I have a daughter who is living with a drug dealer. As I type this, she is in labor with their child. I refuse to be around him because I don't agree with what he does. I would have never thought that my child would be dating and having a baby by someone like him. I do not go over to their apartment because I don't choose to be a target of his wickedness. I feel like she is already a negligent mother because the baby be a target. My daughter is not on drugs or anything like that. He is currently on probation and I want to contact the authorities anonymously and have him violated. Should I do it?
2006-10-10 03:43:00 · 14 answers · asked by gigi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
In response to luby, if he is a drug dealer why would I want to go over to their house? Being that he is a drug dealer, they are automatically in danger! Turning him in would be done ANONYMOUSLY
2006-10-10 03:52:45 · update #1
Turn him in....
2006-10-10 03:59:18 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your daughter is the one who needs protecting and now your future grandbaby. However you also must know that until she understands what is going on there is little you can do that will not anger her.
If you turn him in you will need to have proof of your accusation.
Do you have that. My guess is you will not get your daughter to testify and if you never go over you have nothing to give the police.
At best you can perhaps have the police begin watching him.
If they believe his house is a drug house they will go get him but it will not be pleasant for your daughter.
This is a bad place for you to be. You need to do what is right for your daughter but you risk loosing her for a very long time or until she comes to see what is going on.
Get your daughter alone. Take her out for tea..coffee..something....and tell her what you know or feel.
See where she goes with that. It she makes it clear she thinks your wrong and you should just leave them alone.....you may have no choice. On the other hand....depending on how you handle it....she may come over to your side and agree something needs to be done before the baby is here.
The only real thing you can do is to let her know you are always there for her. There will come a time when she will need that support. "It will happen". She can get it from you or someone else so it is now up to you to let her know it can always be you.
2006-10-10 04:00:26 · answer #2 · answered by John B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have stopped going round, maybe the slight interference could have made your daughter come t her senses.
Do you really believe your daughter doesn't do drugs if she is living with a drug dealer? I know its a bit harsh to say it but it seems highly unlikely.
If you refuse to be around him it means you are refusing to be with your daughter at a time when she really might need your love, help and support.
Having him violated maybe isn't such a good idea, it may result in your daughter being involved and her baby being taken away.
If you think that is best for your daughter and her child then go ahead and do it but you are the only one who can truly decide what to do.
2006-10-10 03:50:38 · answer #3 · answered by *Care Bear* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should. She may hate you for a while, but at least you know her and that baby are safe! It is one thing for her to be there, she is grown, but a baby is helpless and what happens when he has people in the house that are on drugs and they harm the baby? Or if he has a bad drug deal and the whole house is shot up? Drugs are a VERY bad scene for a baby to be in. If you trully want to help and the authorities do nothing, call child protective services and they will remove the child. I know this sounds awful to do to your daughter, but its obvious she isnt thinking about her baby's safety or she wouldnt be there! Please do not allow this to continue! If you do nothing and something happens to the baby, you will never be able to forgive yourself. If you need moral support, feel free to instant message me or email me. My screen name is angels_among_us7777 email is the same @ yahoo.com! Good luck!
2006-10-10 09:53:11 · answer #4 · answered by Patty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, I don't know if you are being blind but there certainly are not many people in relationships with drug dealers who are not on drugs themselves. I would assume your daughter is mixed up in it.
Second off, if anyone called the police anonymously on this guy, I'm sure that your daughter would ASSUME you did it and practically disown you. Causing friction in their relationship with each other is only going to make THEM a stronger UNIT while alienating YOU from your daughter's life. If your daughter and granddaughter's safety is more important to you than her love, then that is certainly the route to go but I'd almost EXPECT that to be one of the last times you see or talk to them for quite a while if not for good...
The other alternative is just let her make her mistakes then be there for her when she does. Quit harping on her about your disagreements with her staying with this guy. Tell her once and for all something along the lines of:
"I don't agree with this behavior because I fear for your safety and wellbeing and your daughter's safety and wellbeing, but you are an adult and can make your own dicisions. I personally think it is a huge mistake but this is going to be the last time I discuss it with you unless you ask me for my opinion. You are a grownup and can make your own decisions about what is best for you and your daughter BUT I am also a grownup and can make my own decisions and I do not want HIM in my life, which is the best logical decision I can make for myself, so I truely hope you will maintain your relationship with me but respect my wishes to keep him out of the relationship between you, your daughter, and me. You are my daughter and I love you and your daughter and will be here for you if this doesn't work out but I wish you the best. Fair enough?"
That would be my advise!!
2006-10-10 04:03:35 · answer #5 · answered by TopherM 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't contact the authorities.
First of all I understand your not liking what your son in law does, however, it is her decision to live with him. Like it or not he is the babies father.
The more you complain about him the further you will be pushed away and you will not get to have a realationship with your Grandchild. You're daughter needs your support and you are going to have to make an effort to make things okay.
My main concern would be drugs being kept around the baby.
Goodluck!
2006-10-10 03:53:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
is he STILL dealing? do you have proof? does he do drugs or just sell them? maybe he really did change and maybe you daughter is seeing the good in him while you only see the bad.
if he's still dealing tho, you need to get your daughter out of the house before you contact any authorities, or else she will be charged too if there is anything in the house, and that baby is going to be taken away.
and just so you know, drugs arent wicked. the people who treat them that way are. i know MANY reputiple people, with families, who smoke pot regularly. they would never endanger their children or let them even know they do drugs. most keep the fact from their partner too. most people will just do the drugs to escape from stress. so dont go judging him for selling drugs if thats all he's doing.
2006-10-10 03:49:26 · answer #7 · answered by mickey g 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should be there for your daughter irregardless of the boyfriend. She needs your love and support. Keep in mind that there is always a chance that he will change. One of my cousins and his girlfriend were in the same situation. They are now happily married with 2 kids and no drugs.
2006-10-10 04:21:51 · answer #8 · answered by ModelFlyerChick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why can't you just be happy for her i can see you wanting the best for her but sometimes you have to let them go and make there mistakes so that they can learn and see it the hard way you should want to be in your daughter life and also your grandchild even if you don't accept her bf and don't go doing wrong to her bf because what goes around cums around
2006-10-10 03:49:29 · answer #9 · answered by ♥*♥Bahamian Gal♥*♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO UNLESS YOU SEE A HARMFUL SIDE TO THIS WHERE IS GOING TO PUT THE BABY AND YOUR DAUGHTER IN DANGER
and you should go their more often see whats going down
2006-10-10 03:46:44 · answer #10 · answered by luby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do it and your daughter finds out she will hate you forever. Do you really want that on your conscience?
2006-10-10 03:46:49 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋