It's My TIME !!!?

Question

Iv'e been married 18 years, I have three boys ages 15,12,6 which now I finally have them all in school. But I have one major prob.... ( the neighbor ) I finally would have time to myself but this neighbor is always here from the time I get up to get my youngest kid on the bus till we go to bed at night. We never have time alone, he knows all of our business. plus he has no car so I have to take him everywhere or he uses the car he dosent pay for gas, oil, or anything, he borrows money and never repays it. We give him hints about gas, or I tell him I'm going to lay down but he wont leave. Im very shy, and were prob... to good hearted so I really dont know how I can get him not too come around so often !! Please Help. I sure appreciate it !!

Answer 1

Put a note on your door. Write something like I'm sick and on bed rest, please come another time. After a week hopefully he understands. I had the same problem about three months ago, I did this but my neighbor got mad at me. It did work though, she still hasn't been back.

Answer 2

From what you describe, I surmise that you must have divorced long ago.... and you have had a lot of trouble and strain, bringing up the 3 kids. Furhter , it ia also possible that you loved your husband so much and yet for no fault of yours he had left you stranded with the 3 nice kids. As they say, Love is like a spring and one cannot put it down. It will come up . May be at that critical juncture, when your husband left, you had a void in Love . This neighbour must have filled that void , at that time and helped you get over the pain and the feelings. May be for this reason you are feeling terribly indebted to this neighbour. This feeling is natural and the gratitude you have is also natural.

But, now , that the kids are on their own and slowly you have outgrown that feeling of dependence, you feel you want to get out of this emotional ( self imposed) blackmail.. You fear within yourself that he might turn around ask you" You...you.. when you needed me most , I was there and now........".

Friend, I can understand. My life has always been dominated by a sense of gratitute to many , many. I feel choked.

in your case you have to get on with your life. it is obvious that in this relationship you have , with your neighbour you donot see him as your partner to fill that void. Or else , long ago you would have proposed or given hint.May be , because of this your friend is still hopeful.

I think you should take courage and tell him a lot of thanks for what he did all these years and thatyou want to have some space..... If he still does not understand you have to ask him to leave you alone. May be your elder son can also be with you when you talk to him

Come on. Take it easy.

Answer 3

yes it's tuff. You have set up a pattern and now he's is counting on you.

I would start to change your routine first after you get your kid off to school get in your car and leave run errands or go for a walk in the park be gone for a while and when you come home if he knocks on the door you don't have to answer if he confronts you say you were in the shower

in general make yourself less available to him.

people like him will find someone else to sponge off of

Answer 4

Tell him to take a hike he is using you an by allowing him to do it your kids see it as acceptable and its not! Why does he know all of your business?...only if you tell him. Think of it this way everything he takes and uses you for is taken fron your kids as well....there is only one way to deal with him an that is to be tough.Once it is done you will feel a lot better. Think of it of showing your kids of what is acceptable and what is not or when they grow up ppl will use them too

Answer 5

you need to be straight up with him. tell him that you have decided take time for yourself. that you have family time that is just for family. if he is insisting to hang around tell him that you feel over extended to him and that he needs to find something to do with all of his time. and that you and your husband have 3 children to support, so you can no longer be his means of transportation. you also need to quit giving him money, sounds like he has plenty of extra time, so if he doesn't have a job maybe you could suggest he get one. and if he does have a job maybe he could get another parttime job. that way he could have his own life, quit intruding on you and your family, and support himself. if not, maybe he should move back with his mommy. if all else fails lock the doors and don't answer the phone.

Answer 6

life would be difficult having difficult neighbors around us. accept our neighbor just like what Christ did to his neighbors.

just try talking all things out and point out your intention but not necessarily in a manner he wont understand.

you've got to try to convince him your need of privacy nor respect to what you basically have. be thankful that he is around but put some limits to what your neighbor has been doing

Answer 7

Just be honest with him, he sounds like he is a lonely man, but tell him that you have a family, husband, kids, and that you would like to spend quality time with them, and that you would appreciate it if he would let you do that.

Answer 8

have you husband talk to him and ask him to call before coming over. Or Tell him you don't feel comfortable w/ him over when your home alone or move

Answer 9

Time to tell this mooch that enough is enough. Don't sugar coat it. Don't worry about his feelings. He is a user and a loser. Tell him to go away!

Answer 10

sound like hes taking advantage of your family good-willed.
let him knows that you need family time, and would appreciated if you could have some time alone.
You have to let him know somehow, or else, hes seem like an intruder!!