How do I stop the pain?

Question

I made the mistake of asking my husbands questions I didnt really want to know, about other girls, and I got all the answers because he was honest with me. Like telling me how some of his girlfriends are hotter then me, and which he would date if we seperated, and that he would like to have a 3 some with them and me. Now its all the time, and i dont know how to stop the pain, I know it was my fault for asking the questions, but now going on 3 months and it still hurts, expecialy when i find out he was talking to one of them, or brings them up. I just want to know how to get over the pain.

Now it **hurts** all the time.

Answer 1

You asked for it!!!

Answer 2

Well now you know that it is not a good idea to ask questions if you are not ready for any possible answer.

First of all, he admitted that some of his girlfriends are hotter than you. He married you however. Obviously you have something that they don't (besides your husband). He wanted you more than anyone else in the world. That is special.

Most men would have lied to you saying that you are the hottest and that he cannot imagine being with someone else. The fact that your husband was honest says alot about how much he trusts you.

You have to tell him that when you asked the questions you weren't ready for the answers, even though you thought you were at the time. Tell him about your pain and insecurities. Tell him that it hurts when he talks to them now. Tell him that you need reassurance. If you think it will be too hard to tell him to his face (without crying), write him a letter. He needs to know how you feel.

Don't ask him to end his friendships. That is not fair; nothing changed between them since before you asked till now. You changed. Though you could ask him to keep these two parts of his life separate. BUT do you really want that? It might feel like he is cheating on you because you would be asking him to keep secrets from you.

Be honest, do you ever have fantasies about men other than your husband? Of course you do! You are human. Just because you are married doesn't mean you suddenly became blind. When you see a hunk, wether walking down the street, on TV, or in a magazine you think about him, even if just for a moment.

The threesome fantasy is probably the most common of all male sexual fantasy. Just because he admitted to having the fantasy doesn't mean he is about to cheat on you. In all likelyhood he told you this in hopes that it could come true with you but that doesn't mean he wants you any less. It also doesn't mean he will go ahead and act out his fantasy without you. Sex in a marriage can get stale if there is no change (Every Saturday night after the kids have gone to bed, in the bedroom, in the same positions, in the same sequence of events.) Fantasy and variety (different clothes, location, positions...) can go a long way.

With my man (who has similar fantasies) sometimes we pretend that their is another woman there and he directs the action "Oh I love it when you use your tongue that way while she is playing with my XXXX." No one else is there but imagination is a wonderful thing.

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

first of all they are his EX girlfriends right. second he married u and none of the others so that means that he lov es u for who u are, third u will either have to give him the three-some or tell him once and for all that u are not into that, and ask him to never bring it up again. now with that said WHY did u do such a dumb thing, u never ask anyone about their past unless u are READY, WILLING, and ABLE to cope with the answers. It is apparent that u want your husbund to make u feel better for ur mistake, but don't u think that it was u wanting to know if u were hotter than the others, better than the others, etc.... and u dcid not get the answers u wanted and now u are hurt. GROW UP

Answer 4

First off your husband is a jerk and does not deserve you! What man would tell his WIFE that other women are hotter? I know it is human nature to ask. I have done it with my husband. He laughs and tells me I am hotter than any woman he has ever seen and his life has never been better. My husband is my one great love. Have I dated other men hotter, yes. Would I tell him that? NO WAY! I love him too much I also love myself and our marriage. It sounds like your husband is insecure and trying to hurt you! My advice to you.....Get the book The Rules. Make him want you!

Answer 5

You just need some time...
The more attention you give to the past, the more you energize it. Don't misunderstand: attention is essential, but not to the past. Give attention to the present; give attention to your conduct, to your reactions, humor, thoughts, emotions, fears, and desires as they occur in the present. So break the old mold of present-moment rejection and present-moment resistance. Make it your practice to remove attention from past and future whenever they are not required. Step out of the time dimension as much as possible in everyday life. If you find it hard, start by observing the habitual tendency of your mind to want to escape from the Now. You will observe that the future is usually imagined as either better or worse than the present. If the imagined future is better, it gives you hope or pleasurable anticipation. If it is worse, it creates anxiety. Both are illusory.
You need to concentrate in yourself in order to reach your personal goals, and not being dependent on him. Remember how you were before meeting him.

Answer 6

You opened a door which you now regret, only time can heal your heart. Let him know how you feel now, and that it really bothers you when he chats with his x's and mentions he would like a threesome and even go back with them if you two part, those are deep heart hurting words for a wife to hear. If he truly loves you he will put your feelings first. Talk with him. He chose you over them didn't he.

Answer 7

He already knows who he'd date if you seperated? That fact that he already has thought about that is a big red flag. What kind of husband would think anyone's hotter than his wife? Not to mention still talks to them or brings them, for heaven's sakes. Nip it in the bud, sister!

Answer 8

Sounds like he has you insecure about your relationship and it is
a controlling type factor for some men... the only way to put a stop to this is fight fire with fire... "Wow honey, your friend Bob is hot, is he married? "Nice a**" while your are shopping in Wal-mart just drop a comment... Two can play the game... Make your point and then perhaps a good heart to heart will get you guys back on the right track.... good luck

Answer 9

I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And my friendship to share your way!
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all!

By: Kenny P. aka-Cobra

Answer 10

His answers were nothing that should bother you. Really. Everyone has thoughts like that. You should simply use some of those thoughts as fantasy during your sex....it could/would really make things spicy for you guys. My wife asks me stuff all the time, and she enjoys hearing about my little fantasies.

Again....you shouldn't be hurt for what he said. He simply trusted you in that you WANTED to hear what he thought. Enjoy!

Answer 11

I think that he is rude and disrespectful.Pray about the things he said and ask God to make him a clean heart.If he knows how bad it hurts you and he still says crazy things thats mean.Try to pretend that everything is ok and pray for him daily and your change will come just have faith.Im sorry he acts that way,But it'll get better...God bless you