How do stop the hurt and anger?

Question

My husband and I have been separated for almost 3 months . I don't want him back. My life is so much more fulfilling, my kids are happier. Things are just better in general with out that added stress that he bought to the relationship. But with all that said I still get angry and hurt behind everything that happened with us. Sometimes I feel like I am making progress at least I know I don't want him back and maybe in time the anger will go away but when dang... I want to start dating again, but I don't want to bring this anger into any future relationships. How do I get past this anger and hurt?

Answer 1

It takes time. You have to find the positive like you said you and your kids are happier so focus energy on that. You should also talk it out with friends or a counselor.

Answer 2

Whenever I find myself going over old territory in my mind, I remind myself how long it took me to get to the point where I decided enough was enough. In other words, if you were married to your husband for years & years, don't expect the hurt & the anger to go away in only 3 months.
In the details of your question you have revealed that you have made some outstanding progress in only 3 months time.
Keep up the good work, & be glad that you & your kids are happier. Like an old wound, your troubled feelings will start to ache again from time to time, but they will heal over soon enough.
If you are ready to start dating again, then date.
A date is not the same as a committed relationship, so take the risk because it's rather small compared to a marriage.
Best of Luck!

Answer 3

Time...Time heals most of us over all. If you just keep going and trying to rebuild your life little by little and spending more and more time with the people who mean the most to you now you will find you are doing better and better each and everyday that goes by. Just fill your time with things you enjoy when you get to thinking about all of that then get busy and do something ...that's what always worked for me the best. You know you can't go back and change anything so try to think of it as a lesson learned and as time goes on you will be starting to realize you can date and have fun again ..maybe right now is just a bit too soon. Give it time your anger will fade.

Answer 4

It's only been 3 mos. It's great that you are ready to move on, but you need to heal first. Your anger and hurt is apart of the grieving process. Your "HUSBAND" just left, not some fling or ex-boyfriend. That a huge change you your life and your kids. Get your mental together and work on forgiving your husband first; thats the only way to suppress the hurt and anger. Once you have done that, then you won't need to worry about bringing all of the baggage to your future relationships.

Answer 5

I know you have heard this, but it will take time! Your divorce is not even final yet. I was divorced 4 years ago (mainly my husbands decision.) I enjoyed being a mom and did that well ,but still mourned for the loss of my husband, our family together and what could have been. I knew I was happier without him but there was still pain. He was my husband, we had a child and a beautiful home together. God has a plan for you. You don't know it now, but he does. You will be happier than you ever imagined! I promise. Take care of yourself and your children! I promise, I speak from experience. I married the love of my life this past June. It is both of our second marriages. I have gained two beautiful step daughters and the most amazing husband on this earth! I have never been happier! You will wake up one day and all of the pain will be gone! Good Luck!

Answer 6

Hi.
its a comman phenonenon to be angry, its coz the treatment u get, the ego that is hurt, the stress and sadness that is brought to u by th eperson,
ow that u have decided to move him out of u rlife and u have experienced the happiness without him, u need to help urself,,

can u go back to days when u were not with him,, and find out some activity that made u recognise,, and u were successfull, if u hve some,, start doing it and keeping urself busy inthat to oversome this mental state, it will rebuilt ur ego, and identity that gets shattered in such cases,

take care,, and good luck

Answer 7

It just takes time, have you noticed there are days that you don't think about him as much as you did? And, there will be more and more of those days. Time will heal it. I have been divorced from my first husband for 9 years, I have been remarried for 4, I still get angry at my ex for some of the hurtful mean things he did to me.

Answer 8

I think you should take about 6 months off and think about what changes you would like to make in your life to be a better person and that will help you make a good choice in men.

Don't get into dating right away..clear your mind, right now you should give your children attention because they must feel they miss their dad and you need to make them feel comfortable ...and needed and wanted. don't start dating yet ...if you do then you are selfish and your kids will have problems...there is plenty of time for you to date..take care of your kids so that they will have better mental health. YOur kids should be your priority right now.

Answer 9

Time is the only thing that will do that...But, you may not wish to wait that long...join into group activities, like bowling leagues, etc. that provide you with contacts and activities...but not one on one stuff yet. As you have other things in your life displacing the hurt and anger, you will find that it goes away faster.

Answer 10

you have to believe that its all over and it dosent sound like you do
. it may take a long time for all concerned to come to terms with the split but that dosent mean that you cant move on and learn to cope with the past as that's what it is now and whats important is the future so that you dont waste any more time dwelling on whats gone its not good for anyone concerned