Marrage problems?

Question

Me and my husband just had a baby 6 months ago and now he is not happy. He told me last night that he thought that marrage and kids is what he wanted but now he isnt happy and he said that he thinks he maybe wasnt ment for a family life, but he still wants to work thinks out if we can and maybe if we can simplify everthing it might make him happy. I just want some of your thoughts on this I am pritty sure it is over but he said he still loves me and misses me when we are apart

Answer 1

Well tell him it is a little late to be thinking about this now. You chose to have the child so guess what, he already has a family. There is nothing he can do about that. You can't just kill the child because you don't want it any more. Quite honestly what he said is ludicrous.

So he has a choice, he lives up to his responsibilities and stays or he leaves. If he leaves he will have to pay 20-30% of his income to you in child support. So the choice is his. You got pregnant 15 months ago, and he has waiting until now to decide he doesn't want a family life, that's BS.

Answer 2

First of all let me say that I am truly sorry that you are going through this.
I think that if he said that he still loves you and misses you when you're apart you still have a big chance of getting your marriage back on track. It is not uncommon, after the birth of a child(especially the first) for people to feel overwhelmed. But a lot of people don't understand that after a while the "newness" of the marriage wears off and then you are just faced with living everyday life(work, bills, babies,spit-up, dirty diapers, etc.). My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years and I think that just in the last couple of years have we settled into a very comfortable place. It's not always exciting and sometimes people think that if the excitement is gone so is the love, but that's just not true. I think the kind of comfortable love that we have is the best kind of all. The reason I said all of this to you was to say that if you and your husband stick it out through the tough times then you will be rewarded with the comfortable times. Marriage is HARD and you have to work at it everyday. Just because he is feeling overwhelmed at the moment doesn't mean he isn't cut out for marriage and family, it just means he's feeling overwhelmed and maybe the both of you need to sit down and discuss how to solve that problem, not him breaking your heart and leaving you and your baby because things are rough right now. Maybe you can get him to go to talk to someone with you. Even if it's just to have someone there to teach the two of you how to communicate and help each other without it turning into a big argument or drama session.
My husband and I went through some pretty bad times but what got us through was that we BOTH placed our marriage above everyone and everything else. We know that if our marriage isn't good that everything (including our children) would suffer. Even when we have been so mad or frustrated or overwhelmed that it would have been easy for one or both of us to walk away, we refused to give up on the vows that we made to each other and now we are doing wonderful. We fought very hard for our marriage and it has paid off. I am sure that the vows you and your husband took also said something like, "till death do us part". Not, " till things start to get hard do us part". Tell him that. And even if he decides that things are too hard and wants to leave, this is your marriage too and you don't have to give up on it. Tell him that you are not going to and the you and your marriage and your child need him to not give up too. I know that I am rambling so I will end this but be strong and remember that nothing goods comes easy, Try reminding him of that. Good luck, God bless and have a blessed day... :)

Answer 3

Don't be so hasty. You have both just gone through a massive change in your lives. Having a baby effects you both, physically and psychologically. It puts a strain on your relationship and there are some tough times to come through.

Your lives as you new them have changed forever and that takes some getting used to. It could be that he's scared....by fatherhood and responsibility. Or that he's depressed - happens to Dad's too.

If he is still wanting to sort it out, then it isn't over. He is at least showing signs of wanting to sort this out and that is a major step. He should talk to someone, his GP or an independent group......there are many on the internet. You can give him my yahoo id and he can mail me anonymously if you like. My wife and I went through a similar experience, but we got help and we are really happy again.

The most important thing is don't underestimate the life experience you have just gone through and the change that has occurred. Be strong, be there for each other. Don't forget to love each other and be a couple, even though you have a baby now.

Most of all, good luck

Answer 4

To me it sounds like he is scared of the responsibility, how old are you two? how long have you been married before the baby? It is good that he wants to work things out and that he still loves you. Take a good look at his childhood, what was it like , how did his parents get along? A lot of times it is not what either one of you have done wrong, it is the past that shapes the person you will become. You both brought a lot into the marriage that you may not have been aware of, and it will effect the marriage be it in a negative or positive way. The best thing to do now, is counceling. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, in fact it takes a lot of courage. Best of luck and God Bless

Answer 5

That is very sad to hear and I am sorry for you. This happens a lot especially when a married couples don't discuss what they expect from a family before they start one. You guys really need to reevaluate your relationship. You should both sit down and be very clear about what you expect from the other and decide if both of you are capable of providing it for the other. Marriage counseling is a great thing if you can find a good counselor. He feels the way he feels right now but that doesn't mean that after some guidance and understanding he won't change his mind. He could just be struggling with whether or not he has what it takes to be a good dad. Try talking to him about that and give him a lot of reassurance. Good luck!!

Answer 6

I went through this, too, but it was when I was pregnant with our 2nd child. He said he wasn't happy, left, came back a week later, the next year he did the same thing, and the year after. The 3rd time, I told him to stay gone. Now, I am in a good, healthy realtionship, getting married next May, and he is free to do as he wants and sees the kids when it is convenient for him. Some guys just can't handle being full-time parents. My ex prefers the bar life to family life. Try counseling if he is willing, or having him or you stay with your parents or friends for a while. I hope you guys can work it out.

Answer 7

When you had the baby, "reality" kicked in. For men, it's scary because, it's no more fun and games, and all about providing. Living the "single" married, but still a bachelor's life is pretty much over. It's a sign that he is growing up. Men NEVER want the family life until they are in their mid 30's......... I sitll have 5 more years to go. Hang in there and keep your Bible handy. You will need it. Then, your husband may have some other insecure issues going on. Talk to him and be his friend. A wife is everything, so just comunicate and raise you all's baby. Because, mommy is always available.

Answer 8

Sounds like he is a bit overwhelmed, new baby, new marriage.
Maybe he is afraid that he won't be a good husband or father.
He needs to talk about what he is feeling with you so you can help him through it.
Somebody at work could be putting things in his head.
Maybe some chick is hitting up on him.

The marriage is not over if it was he would have never said anything to you, he would have just packed his bags and left. He is asking you for help with this problems he is having he wants to fix it or he would have never said anything.

The best thing for you is to have both of you seek a counselor, I have heard of men going through a depression after kids are born they just need help adjusting to a whole new world.

Answer 9

He might be going through a hard time becuase now the dynamics of your relationship have changed. Your child now has taken up more of your time and energy and he's not the only one in your life and he has to share you.

I wouldn't hasten to say your marriage is over. How involved is he in the care of your baby? Perhaps he feels left out. I'd consider family counseling too.

Good luck

Answer 10

Tell him to get his a s s to a counselor right now, lol! He's whining because his life is now complicated... a child, a wife that's now a mother and can't be his mother anymore, lol. He's also seeing that he has to actually plan for a different type of future than he thought. So what?!? Many new dads go through this... panic phase. He'll be fine, and he'll enjoy it when he quits denying in. He needs to suck it up and be a dad. He's going to be a dad whether he stays or leaves... shouldn't he be there, with you, watching this child grow up? Good luck! :o)