I m starting to second guess my feelings for the one I love?

Question

We have been together for 11 years now and we have one child For the past year ide say things that I nver really noticed before are starting to piss me off. We both work 40 hours a week and have a household to keep up. I am really getting fed up with the fact that he doesnt help clean ANYTHING! unless I ask, which by the way i hate doing. If you see it needs to be cleaned damnit clean it. He has recently started going to bed at very late hours , 1 or 2 in the morning. Im not saying that he has to be in bed with me every night, but I feel its important to be in bed with your significant other at least 3 times a week. When does he expect us to have sex??? Im contemplating leaving him or at least taking some time apart. Im not happy anymore and when I express how I feel, he says its just money problems or that i stress too much. Well you know what hes right! I stress for both of us, If he gave half a **** about stuff I wouldnt be holding the bricks on my shoulders.
Not sure what to do

Answer 1

I can honestly say I have been there and done that before. Most of all I was feeling very unappreciated and just plain wore out. Whether he likes it or not. You just need to sit down together and COMMUMICATE. Tell him how you REALLY feel and don't hold back and hopefully he will do the same. It might just take the weight of the world off of BOTH your shoulders. Then maybe you can both feel better. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Take the child to a babysitter one evening for the night and make him a candle light dinner with his favorite foods. Wear something that he likes, or just meet him at the door with nothing but a smile, whatever you think it will take to get his attention.

Throughout my parents' 50-year marriage, they have had "date night". At bare minimum of once a month, (if not once a week) the 2 of them would have a night to themselves. Even if it was a picnic in the back yard where us kids were not allowed during that time. They are still going strong after raising 9 kids. Almost all marrige counselors will say the same thing, "Couples need 'couple time'."

Do the private time once a week if possible (if grandparents live close I'm sure they will support you in this one). You plan it. Make it part of your "routine". I saw this actually save my best friend's marriage.

The worst that could happen is that nothing changes. What have you got to lose?

Answer 3

It's obvious you are very angry and probably have reason to be so. I am wondering if he is angry also or if he's avoiding you because of your anger. You have a communication breakdown going on. Some men just won't discuss issues and if that's the case, this is a deal breaker. He sounds like he may just not care enough to share the burden of talking it out, making compromises that you can both live with, and trying to heal the relationship. If he doesn't care enough to work on the problems, then you have no real choice but to leave and find a calm, less stressful life.

Answer 4

In my opinion if you are questioning your love for him you most likely don't love him the way you should. It could in fact be well deserved and based on what you told me he is distracted by something or someone else. I am a mature man that can tell you most men are very basic. We want affection, sex, & food. I hate to say it but after those 3 things everything is secondary. If you are providing all of the above then I have no answer. If your not maybe you should look into the things that are missing. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 5

Sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Explain to him that since you both work full time jobs that the cleaning needs to be shared. Let him know that it hurts your feelings that he doesn't go to bed until 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning and that you would like him to go to bed at the same time you do. Once you have expressed all your concerns if you don't see any effort on his part to change then I suggest you separate. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Try to see if you can let go for a little bit. Don't work for two; just yourself. Sometimes when we women are too efficient, men then get laid back & we end up doing it all. Unfortunately, we women have to just accept the fact that men are not as sensitive as we are. They seem to be incapable to anticipating what is needed unless they are actually head over heels over you.


Bottom line, if you're unhappy, he must be also. So you may have to make the choice of staying or leaving.

Answer 7

Honey i think alot of us women are in the same situation. Me being one of them. I go through the same exact ****,,and yes you are right,,about both of us working,,then me having to clean take care of the kid,,,homework and EVERYTHING while he sits on his ***. Its really irritating. But when im really feeling overwhelmed i have to sit down and discuss the feelings im having with him. Some times he will listen and try to help me,,but you know it doesnt last for long until they go back to thier old ways again. If you are really feeling like he doenst give 2 shits,,then maybe you should go your seperate ways for awhile,,,,then maybe he will finally realize that you arent bullshitting him when you tell him you need him. If he still doesnt change then do what you feel you have to do. If you eveer wanna chat just send me a message.

Answer 8

Go to family counseling maybe that will help . I think you are stressed and rightfully so . I mean that can be a heavy load. Find someone to help or maybe just to talk to . I know that a job and a house can be 2 full time jobs and ppl get stressed over that by itself.Please get some help through conseling.

Answer 9

If you are planning on staying together you need to start talking..... really talking. It may help to get some counseling. You have a child together, and for that alone you should do all you can to make it work. He probably has no idea how upset you are.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Before you make any moving plans....be sure he knows what you are thinking about doing...tell him that things have changed and you need him to help around the house and that having sex would be nice too...If he doesn't seem concerned or want to try to work with you....then it's really over.... If he hasn't changed in 11 years, he won't.....Good Luck....