Iv been seeing this lad for a few weeks n we have just make our relationship offical.. Ever since we did i cant stop being para that am gunna end up getting hurt.. My past few boyfriends really did hurt me and am ssooo scared to get close just incase he does aswell.. I get stupid thoughts in my head n its driving me mad.. My friends say i should just tell him how i feel but because we havent been 2gther all that long am affraid am going 2 scare him away.. aaahhhhhh!!! i rally need a time out!!! lol
2006-10-10 02:13:01 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First, how old are you? If you think you would scare him away by talking to him and telling him how you feel, then he's not the one for you. Good luck.
2006-10-10 02:17:27 · answer #1 · answered by Joe 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I did that when I was in high school, and a bit after. The only thing that being nervous or jealous does is give them a reason to look other places. Yes, you may get hurt, but if you're basing a relationship on the fact that you might, it's like basing whether or not you leave the house in fear of getting hit by a car. Don't worry about the things that might happen, you will miss out on the good things in life! :) Just live, and let the things come as they do... even if you do get hurt. It sucks when it happens, but it doesn't end a life!!!
2006-10-10 09:25:47 · answer #2 · answered by monarchfly7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you are a human being and you attach yourself to things/people for your sense of worth or identity.
It is very natural for a person controlled by their ego to fear getting too close to another person so that they do not get hurt and does not mean you are an emotional f&ckup. It is a defensive mechanism just like we don't walk into a fire to prevent us from getting burnt.
The only difference is that there is potentially a lot of pleasure and fun in a relationship but humans have a greater force which makes them avoid pain then the force which makes them pursue pleasure.
Get close to him but the key is to not get dependant on him. A relationship is about enjoying it……while it lasts. Because it will inevitably end either through a breakup or when you leave this world.
The key to happiness to accept that everything is impermanent….when you truly accept the impermanent nature of the world - things, situations, people etc will come and go from your life and you will enjoy them while they last but there will be no clinging, no dependancy, no 'neediness'……..ultimately if you can achieve this state you will be free. You will be still enjoying the crazy cosmic dance around you.
2006-10-10 09:22:37 · answer #3 · answered by abluebobcat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you atually get together?
Just because you were lonely and jumped at the chance of a relationship or did you actually look to see if there is genuine potential to accompany your values and direction.
We get lost in lust, 1st of all thinking that this "lust" is love but in fact not. 2nd, when in love we're blind and oblivious. That's why we need to set ourselves outside the situation to look at it objectively. 3rd, 2 people that are attracted to each other change their ways and hide their negative traits at first but eventually turns back to who they really are.
If you can't be naturally open to him but instead have to work on it then maybe it's not a good start. If he really loves you then he won't be scared away, if he does get scared away then you were just another fish in the sea to him and not a special one.
IT SOUNDS HARSH BUT TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL STRAIGHT AWAY. THIS WILL BE THE TEST TO MAKE OR BREAK IT BEFORE IT GOES TOO FAR. If it scares him away straight away without being understanding- he would have hurt younlater anyway when you're feelings would have been to strong.
You should really work these things out before you get into a relationship - don't let you're emotions make you impulsive or neither hesitant. In cases like these you use your mind, not your heart.
"Love is not looking in each others eyes and saying 'I love you' - that's lust. If you can stand together facing the same direction and saying 'I love you' - that's love that can last" -- some qoute from don't know who actually...?
Good luck
2006-10-10 09:36:56 · answer #4 · answered by madmax 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the point of any relationship that is making you feel insecure! When my parents died in my early twenties it made me realise how short life is. My wonderful partner has a close family history of heart problems and 3 of his closest family members plus other haven't lasted longer than 45, he is 51, we have been together for 3 years and although he is very healthy as they were I will make the most every single precious moment we have together. Yes, I could spend the time worrying but I would much rather spend the time being happy than wasting it
Think about it!
2006-10-10 09:35:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you think now is not the right timing, just go and relax yourself a little. stop thinking about it. the situation will get worst if you r not claim enough. r u sure this realtionship won end?(just in case it really works). i know how it felt to be hurt when you end a realtionship, y so rush for a another?cz everyone get 1 and you don? you need to think again what you r looking for not bam at the wall again and blame the guy are bad and unsensitive. first you must know what you want then you go look for it. pls don look for guys because he is cute (but he is a a** h***). you should know much more than we. don rush for a realtionship that you r not ready for or you will keep on upset for nothing. remember what do today will effect you life 2morow.
2006-10-10 09:24:03 · answer #6 · answered by aeeyo1314 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its no wonder your feelin insecure if you've been treated bad in the past. I think you should talk to your fella and tell him how insecure you feel and hopefully he will be able to reassure you that you won't get hurt by him. I had the same problem a few years ago and I spoke to my fella and told him how i was feelin. He totally understood and really made an effort to make me feel secure in our relationship.(It must have worked as we got married 2 years ago!).
I still give him agro when he gets in from a night out with his mates but at least he understands why. Good luck be happy!x
2006-10-10 09:22:40 · answer #7 · answered by EVSCHICK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AH! It's a matter of TRUST issue.
How do you really trust anyone UH?
Answer: TRUST IS EARN NOT GIVE! and babe you been given it away like it was water.
So your in love, so what? what does that mean?, Chemical pump thought your brain making you see rainbow and flower everywhere? If a person can place his resposiblitiy for you over his own and in time his own family then it is earn.
So how do you earn Trust?
Answer: Time, It takes time and deeds. So far none of your past date past that did it?
good luck
By the way your not from US are you.
2006-10-10 09:22:51 · answer #8 · answered by Kenshin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calm down, whenever you care a lot for someone you insecurities and fears come out because your so affraid of losing them. Its normal. You have to tell him how you feel, have him reassure you make sure he understands. Although men don't say it., they feel the same way. They just keep it inside. Try telling yourself it will work out until you have a reason not to
2006-10-10 09:37:32 · answer #9 · answered by AnnaG 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't take life too seriously, just have fun and see how it goes. What is the point of ruining things because of your fears. He may have been hurt too but you just get on with it... you love and learn. It's better now because you are less likely to take any rubbish from him (as you will know the signs) Just forget about about it and get on with it - or you will be on your own regretting what could have been.
Good luck!
2006-10-10 09:18:15 · answer #10 · answered by Chazza xx Baby born 7/11/09 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget the past, I bet you know some guys who have similar tales about getting hurt (beleive it or not) but don't really talk about it. Tell him how you feel, be honest, tell hiom to be honest too, and take it at a speed you can both be comfortable with.
2006-10-10 09:20:21 · answer #11 · answered by madbrew2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋