i walked in the snow naked to the air
sweat from a sauna,
Bathing thee .. air
hair aglow glass filled light oil and sweat shining there
till she haild me naked till the snow blew us away,
cold stone , formika styrine homes ashes to a new generation of welth and industrial power
lover of a suacide cold filee air
say long get read and answers !
not related :
write words to the stars : http://www.keo.org/uk/pages/default.html
my thoughts and photos : http://uk.blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-KAjGw0g1bq2P18ZB9JKMjynO8KOX;_ylt=AhuW7dI4YGfC8ROnhCsNOMAsFOJ3
http://www.flickr.com/photos/quality-photos/
2006-10-10 00:13:01 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
Yup- it's a stream of thought poem... did they call this 'beat' at one point? The last line is quite an abrupt end, or change of the flow to a tender beginning.
Are all the words spelt correctly? Of course, it doesn't matter when you read things aloud, and you can mispell wilfully if you so wish, I mean, this is our language to do with as we please... still, correct spelling can help the readers' comprehension.
I was sorry to see the negative responses people wrote to your work, don't listen to them.
2006-10-10 00:34:24 · answer #1 · answered by Buzzard 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think this might be your first poem.
Nobody's first poem is good.
My first poems were excruciating, but now I get published.
I suggest that you read some poetry before trying again, and while spelling is not so important, good spelling will make people take you seriously.
You would not design garments or write songs without looking at the work other people are currently producing. Same goes for poetry. Read some current poets: Sharon Olds, Simon Armitage, Billy Collins, Elaine Feinstien, Carol Ann Duffy, Patience Agbabi, Helen Dunmore, Fleur Adcock, Benjamin Zephaniah, Roger McGough to name but a few.
This will give you an idea of what good, modern poetry is like.
2006-10-18 07:09:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you using spelling errors as part of the poem?
Perhaps you can use adjectives as nouns, nouns as verbs, etc.
It's a theory that there is no such thing as a bad poem.
When you are in an extreme emotional state, your heart writes the poem for you.
2006-10-10 07:40:05 · answer #3 · answered by sixgun 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
At least you are making the effort, unlike that Pu$$y avtar, keep it up and learn from your mistakes. All poets have to start from somewhere.
Poetry is like beauty, only the beauty is in the eye of the beholder, poetry is for the lovers of good words put together.
2006-10-10 07:18:29 · answer #4 · answered by ashok kumar 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
great site www.authorsden.com if you want to put your poems on that. You get feedback from other authors - its a big site.
Ermm its ok.
I don't have time at the moment to read your blog, but will try to get there later!
2006-10-10 07:19:32 · answer #5 · answered by Smiler 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its a lovely poem.. it may not make sense to readers, but as i recently learned in lessons, is that peoms are there to make us think, unravellling them and making your own sense out of them. I bet it means something you poet.
2006-10-13 15:44:42 · answer #6 · answered by b.hole 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's a poem, unless it starts out,"There once was an old lady from Nantucket..."
2006-10-10 07:22:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What load of dung
are you trying to learn English
or just murdering it?
2006-10-10 07:22:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Not my type of poem, but that's not important. It was well written.
2006-10-10 07:23:38 · answer #9 · answered by rhymingron 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's terrible. But what do you expect from a pu$$y from the UK?
2006-10-10 07:14:46 · answer #10 · answered by Avatar 1 · 0⤊ 6⤋