Help please.?

Question

I had arranged marriage while studying law. Then everything felt perfect & fine. But I found him arrogant & stubborn. My parents said that it will get alright with time. He is earning well in a multinational. Immediately after studies I concieved. Now my baby is 1&half yrs. My husband got promotion and is very busy. He travels alot and when at home spends all day working on the computer. I have become his PA or servant. All I do all day is cook, clean and take care of the baby. I have no time for hobbies or reading or taking care of myself. I am completely dependent on him. He doesnt take notice of me anymore. We have good sex and that is all. When I try talking to him he says that I am very negative and selfish & ungrateful.This is what all mothers do and you are feeling bad about it! He has even started screaming at me for little things. He ignores me when at home & keeps working. I want to start practising but will he adjust as it will make me busy? He has no respect for me.Pls help

I am completely dependent on him now.I have no friends as they have all moved ahead. I am very depressed at the little things like he raises the vol of the tv when I talk.Or he will abruptly end the conversation. I have become like a servant now. When I tell him I want to work he says, 'wait till the baby grows then you can do whatever you want.' My parents know about his behaviour and tell me to adjust as things will get better. How I don't know. My full day is spent in housework and where will remain the time for self improvement and personality development. He doesn't like to be disturbed during work and that means for whole day. I yearn to talk to some adult.He doesn't even bother to lift his eyes off and look at me while working.I was shocked yesterday when he told me that I lacked class. I work for him all day and this is what I get.There are several instances that make me feel depressed.I want to start practicing but that will require alot of sacrifices and adjustments from him.

Well I do try to talk but it always ends up in arguments where I get the blame. And as far as our families are concerned they want me to adjust adjust adjust.

Answer 1

Dear friend,
Sorry to hear this. The Buddha said, A man's/woman's best friend is his/her own disciplined mind. You only can eat your food to live, you only can take your breaths, Nobody can do that for you. And you only can think for yourself.
Many times in this selfish world, people use others for their own comforts. But if you start taking charge of your life, things will start coming your way.The trick is to start in your mind.Change from the victim mode to Winner mode.Start thinking like a winner ! Read empowering books !Gather your mental powers through concentration. Focus them on your problems and you will find them disappear.Dont bother about others for your life decisions. It is a fight for survival and evrybody has to do it.

Do what you feel is correct, when you think in a clinically detached way.

Answer 2

Is your husband home 24/7? Are you saying that he is always there and is keeping you as a prisoner? Because you are being a house wife and mother that should not bring your spirits down. You should be considering your self as one of the lucky ones that has a man there by her side. The reason why he could be talking this way to you is because you are showing him that you do not appreciate what you have. If you did you would be more then happy to provide for your child & husband until your child gets into school. You can study on-line and finish what you had started before you married. This way when your child starts to school you can begin making a life for yourself. I really don't understand why you went ahead and married this man. It was an arranged marriage! You are suppose to want what is best for you and marry someone that you love, not marry this person because your parents tells you too. This is your life, not theirs!
All that I can say is that you got your self into this situation and you are going to have to deal with it or get out of it. You should worry more about how you feel and how you think of your self instead of worring about the way that your family or anyone else thinks or feels.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

Sounds like a dork.
Have you tried explaining (perhaps in a letter) that you are feeling ignored? I don't mean blame him or attack him. Do not use that tone or he will get defensive. Try saying simply "I feel bad because I don't have any time for hobbies or reading or taking care of myself."
That is the crux of the matter, anyway. What you want is some free time.
Since it was an arranged marriage, love is a lot to ask. But since it is a contract, there are responsibilities on both sides of the table: yours to bear his children and care for him, his to support you as best as he is able and care for you. It sounds like you are getting the short end of that deal, since he is "earning well."
Sit him down and explain, in a non-accusatory fashion, that you need him to supply you with assistance (a part-time nanny or maid) so that you can have a little free time.
Sounds reasonable to me. Good luck.

Answer 4

I wish I could help you, but this is a really hard situation to get out of. You are obviously a ambitious person and if you finished your studies, then I think you should l consider leaving him and start a life with your baby. You sound strong enough to do something like this.


You have been deprived of falling inlove and having all the things people dream of.

You obviously want a career, a loving husband that you love and to respect and love you back(Dont mean to jump to conclusions, but I didnt see a "I love him" anywhere) and children and you want to have a happy life and this marriage is what brought this sadness and loneliness to you.

I cant tell you to leave your husband, its not always as easy as it sounds, but I suggest you speak to him and your parents and sort this out. You are not feeling like this for nothing.If you dont do something about this now,he will break your self esteem and you wil be bittr and depressed forever.Do it for yourself.

Answer 5

1. You change ur hobbies now.

Your hobbies will be :-

1. Help ur husband.
2. Love him.

3. Present yourself happy and satisfied before him.
You can improve your friend spectrum also. Nothing wrong with it. But you should take care before selecting a friend to disclose and share family problems. An internet friend is better for it , Who neither know you nor your address or name.
Your husband must be tired in the evening, you help him, love him,
you are the one and only person who can give some relief to him
Enjoy your life. Best of luck

Answer 6

Dear Dippy, focus on the positives in your life. Your husband provides well for you and you have been blessed with a lovely baby. Modern societies tend to undervalue the role of mothers and homemakers and labels them as "servants" or "slaves", but we are so much more than this. If we as women value our unique roles as mothers and wives as being precious and privileged, then our husbands will value us. Change the way you look at your life. When you are cooking, cleaning and caring for your precious baby, understand how lovely it is to be in a position where you are able to create a harmonious home for your family. Do you ever tell him how grateful you are that he provides so well for you? Are your conversations with him uplifting, or do you really complain? If you can make the time with him precious and positive, then he will want to be with you and your relationship will improve.

Answer 7

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. Being a housewife can be an awesom experience as long as your husband takes time away from work after work hours to pay you some attention. It sounds to me like he won't bend his time around you if you do start to work. Dispite what he says, not all housewives put up with that. I sure as hell don't! Perhaps you two should seek some professional help. If it doesn't get any better, well, you're a lawyer.. do your stuff.

Answer 8

This sounds like he is moving towards physical abuse. Where are you? Most cultures have some kind of law or custom against mistreating women. After all where would be all be if we did not have women?

You are probably in a dangerous situation. Find help somehow. Put in a search on the Internet for "battered women's shelters" or domestic violence. He may not be hitting you right now, but eventually he will. Good luck.

Answer 9

Dear Dippy,

Completely empathise with you.I can only say please find out his sense of humour quotient , his favourite comedy movies or serials or books or comics see where you can fit in and try to gain his respect by being your self not by succummbing to him only in bed.This geek of yours treats as you as one more of his gadget if am i right , he has not made efforts to help the woman in you EVOLVE .Best way is to catch up with old friends ,relatives spend some quality time and take up one hobby which you always loved and wanted to do in your free time do that with complete PASSION as if you life depends on it then you see how your life changes .step 1 become financially
independant and you should respect yourself FIRST AND FOREMOST.Hope you understand my dear friend, take care wish you cheerful time ahead , smile now change your attitude from victim to a learner every day. Is possible show hjim two movies - ANURADHA AND RANG BIRANGI both directed by hrishikesh mukherjee and do let me know your opinion

good luck au revoir madame'

s9 [e-mail]

Answer 10

there should be some reason that he is ignoring you.is it the burden of work?or something else is bothering him.you can ask his friend circle.or you also can ask his best friend what is the problem or what he think for you.or may be he is planing or worried for your and your childs future.may be he is mentally disturbed.how is his attitude toward his child.may be he is possesive for his child.if he is earning good then listen what he says.may be he wants that only.you have only one child you can manage anything at home only.you dont need to go out.give him some time,like 1 or 2 years till ur child begin to go to school