I found out that my fiancee had cheated on me at the weekend, i was away for one night and she brought someone back after being out. Now we are 24 and have 2 beautiful daughters, only one is biologically mine but i love this girl and thought she would never do this although she does have a past. How do i learn to forgive and forget is it possible. i am really hurting right now.
2006-10-09 22:31:29 · 33 answers · asked by lee f 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
in time you will forgive, you will never forget, but as u said you love this woman, dont let this come between you. she probably feels so bad right now. just put it away in a box in your mind. i dont think you ever get over the feeling of hurt when someone cheats on you, i havent yet, and its been 4 years, but we are still together and stronger than ever. if its is really really eating you up inside i think you should talk to her about it. ask all them questions that are bothering you, i had to do that to get over it. maybe thats what has to be done.
I do really hope you start feeling better soon, its the worst pain in the world when this happens. good luck xXx
2006-10-09 22:38:27 · answer #1 · answered by Fader's Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible to forgive but forgetting is harder. I feel for younow as I had a simular situation many years ago and it isnot nice to be on the end of it.
You can only forgive and move on if you try and clear the air as to why she did it in the first place.
You need to ask her why she did it. What is she so unhappy with that casued her to go out and bring someone else back to your home. What are you not doing or saying that she feels so insecure that she needs to go out and do this? I am not blaming you in the slightest I quickly add it could be something from her past that has made her do this, she may be someone who likes the thrill of the chase etc. You need to know the answer as to why she did this to be able to understand it and to see if you can forgive it. You may hear things you do not like from her but you can also use this opportunity to tell her why you are so unhappy and what you feel like.
You both have to be open, honest and frank with one another to move on from this.
I can understand your hurt and there are no easy answers when you loose your trust in someone it is hard to get it back and the other person also has to earn it back. Do not let her walk over you stay strong for your girls sakes and try and get her to talk she has done wrong and you deserve to now why.
Good luck
2006-10-09 23:19:57 · answer #2 · answered by momof3 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very difficult to forgive and forget if you ever can, it is a matter of trust and once that is broken it never heals completely, but indifferent!
You have two beautiful daughters with whom you can help to obtain a level of steady relationship, however, be careful as some people can take advantage of you considerate and loving nature and expect to be forgiven every time, but you will have to draw a line at some point!!! Hope she realises what she could be throwing away before it is too late!
2006-10-09 23:06:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have just answered a different one from you with different information.
This is one is really a mess.
Based on her track record you had better get used to the idea if you stay. Remember and know this, your partner made a play for him otherwise it would be rape.
Visit an advice centre to find your legal position.
If you can take your own daughter with you, do it and find a new partner. If you can't then find out what part of this women's life is your legal responsibility.
Whatever happens you can't go back to her unless as I said above you are prepared to put up with more.
2006-10-09 22:57:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poor you, what a terrible situation to be in. You both need to sit down and talk about what happened. Is she/you unhappy in the relationship? It may be easier to write down things that you both feel then sit with each other (get someone to have kids for an hour) talk through both your lists. You may have a child together but your happiness is more important than 2 parents staying together if you are unhappy, children pick up on it. Maybe try and have a night alone together, get a grand parent to have the kids for a night, spice up the night together, try and discover why it is you both fell in love in the first place.
Good luck, hope it works out for you both.
2006-10-09 22:37:33 · answer #5 · answered by pinkbabi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice
If you are a bad boyfriend and you neglect her or treat her like crap - Forgive her and try and patch up your relationship. You have a lot to lose with the kids, engagement etc. Give her one more chance, find out why she did it and make her promise not to again, and start treating her better!
If you are a decent boyfriend and you treat her good - Leave her, she does not deserve your love/kindness. She has betrayed you in a cold way. Move on, time will heal and eventually she will just be a distant memory of a bad mistake.
2006-10-09 22:42:06 · answer #6 · answered by abluebobcat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself. If you choose not to forgive you will simply become angry and resentful. Choosing to forgive is choosing to move on with your life. Accept the situation for what it is. You need to decide what you are ready to do. Will you forgive and end the relationship?, forgive and work it out? forgive, but never trust her again? You are dealing with a girl who has a past and already has two children out of wedlock? Think about it? Will you really be able to trust her again?
2006-10-09 22:45:15 · answer #7 · answered by mad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i can understand to why your hurting, I would listen to what your heart and head tell you, If you feel that you can forgive her than that is a good sign but if you feel that you cant then thats a not a good sign, This will take time but maybe if you feel that this woman is worth it than maybe you should allow yourself the time to recover from this, Perhaps you could do this together, and maybe this will help you both to have better understanding and trust in your rel, this may make you both stronger
good luck
2006-10-09 22:41:56 · answer #8 · answered by blondegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does hurt when you love someone who seem to take you for granted. The first time she strayed, you forgave her and it's very big of you to accept someone elses child as your own. From my point of view, I don't think she loves you and she is only using you as a lifeboat. She goes and stray and then some guy dump her and then you are always there. A woman will only love and respect a man who loves and respects himself. No wonder she doesn't take this relationship seriously. I am sorry for being cruel but you have to hear the truth. Pick yourself up and have self respect. No man who respects himself will take this type of abuse. Give her an ultimatum and she might respect you for that. I wish you luck.
2006-10-09 22:51:11 · answer #9 · answered by lavenderuk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know, I think you should tell yourself that this person is not important enough to you to cause you this much pain. People only hurt us when we let them! Take that power away by thinking -whatever, I don't care. S/He was a prat anyway. You truly are too good for this behaviour. Then just get on with your life - they'll soon be amazed how little they meant to you - while they are still reeling from all the stress they caused themselves! the ultimate revenge!
2006-10-09 22:38:40 · answer #10 · answered by rose_merrick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋