what is going on!!!!!?

Question

My partner is going through depression, however if i ask her questions about her day, and what shes being doing i'm intrograting her. If i dont ask then i'm uncaring. How can I win?.ie she never mentioned seeing the doctor yesterday, so a bit shocked that shes been signed of sick for a week!. never said a word, the lack of communication isn't helping this fragile relationship.

Answer 1

Grow up!!!

Support her do ask questions but in a gental way, she'll tell you what she wants to.

Answer 2

It would be really difficult having a partner with depression.

Women can change their minds and be like that even without depression too! A lot of men say " I cant win!" "It doesnt matter what i do its not good enough". Make sure you do not start believing that about yourself.

It sounds like you are a caring partner and that you are doing the best you can. Try to be nice to yourself.

As far as the relationship is concerned and the lack of communication - I would suggest that you find a good time (when she is not too down) and talk to her about it. Tell her exactly how you feel, how her depression is affecting you as well, that you want to be there for her but she needs to try to communicate better with you etc. Dont be accusing, just let her know you are talking to her about it in an effort to improve things.

Maybe talk to someone yourself. Maybe she can include you in some of her visits to counsellor/Doctor or whatever. But even if that doesnt happen make sure you talk to someone - even a friend. It must be a difficult time for you.

All the best

Answer 3

My wife's going through the same kind of thing at the moment, but she isn't getting any help.

At least by going to the doctor your partner is taking a step in the right direction.

Remember, that if she is depressed she may not want to communicate about with you. Most people will react by telling her to 'pull yourself together', and you're probably the last person she needs to here that from.

Answer 4

Depression is an awful illogical illness that causes you to take things out on the person you love the most. I have suffered with clinical depression for 16 years, i can be unknowingly vile to my partner but he is very understanding. She doesnt mean it. Try to talk to her about it, tell her you understand and want to help. Have some sympathy, shes going through a tough time.

Answer 5

There is a qualitative step between clinical depression and 'being depressed'

one can be treated by a doctor, one may be a result of a number of factors...including unhappiness in the relationship.

try and talk about it in a general way... find out if there are any problems in the relationship that you hadn't thought about. Try and find out what was said at the doctors

Answer 6

Depression make people anti-social and it can make them anxious as well.
Always talk softly and slowly when you talk to your partner. Don't ask very personal questions, as she does not have the capacity to answer them at this stage. Spoil her as much as you can, run her warm baths by candle light, prepare good food, she's basically going though a mental hell, which no one
who has not had depression will understand. She'll feel as if everything is
to much and she can not cope with anything, so offer to assist her as much as you can. Being the partner of a person with depression is not easy, but you can help her to get through it. Allow her to sleep loads, as this is her
only escape from her hell and see to it that she eats loads of fresh and nutritious foods, including potatoes and oats, which have natural anti-depressant qualities. ALWAYS speak about positive and uplifting things, try to limit negativity to the minimum. Read her stories, and socialise with her at home like watch videos, or bake pancakes together, as she won't feel like going out. Shower her with small tokens of love, a flower on her pillow, a sweetie in her handbag, a hot towel to wrap her in when she comes out of the bath. As I'm saying, treat her like someone you know is going through hell and try to make it easier in any possible way. Good luck!

Answer 7

Unfortunately if she is truly depressed as opposed to being down in the dumps, you aren't going to be able to win. Depression consumes you, and you can't see the harm it does to those who love you. Mail me if you want to chat, I was depressed for a long time so may be able to help you.

Answer 8

That sounds tough mate, i'd maybe just do what she wants n if she says you've done sumet wrong just agree with her and apologise, even if your not necesserily sure you have done anything wrong. Maybe it helps her to take it out on someone, she probly doesn't mean it as a dig.
If you do this maybe with time you'll just be able to learn exactly whats causing her to be depressed and help her outta it.

Answer 9

how do you ask her questions? maybe you do it in a way that you sound like you are interrogating her. people going through depression really need a lot of care & love. you don't need to ask her about her day to show you love her. make her feel your love in other ways. like always being at her side. it won't be easy, but that's how you show true love.

Answer 10

Hang in there depression is a horrible illness i know i've been there, but your partner will need you. just be there for her and make sure she knows that you love her, she wil appreciate it in the end when the cloud lifts. Good luck

Answer 11

this hurts. a depressed person usually finds inspiration/comfort with his/her partner. how come she's not talking? maybe it has something to do about you or what u recently did that's causing all her depression (hope not). talk it over heart to heart.