Is it ok if I would allow my wife to contact her ex bf?

Question

I married a year ago to my wife.Before my wife and I started our relationship & marriage,she had a boyfriend.They had child,a 4- year old boy.I'm now the stepfather of this child.Lately,my stepson has had to be confined frequently at the hospital for treatment of his asthma.My wife wants her ex bf ( biological father of the child ) to know the boy's condition and ask me if she can contact him.Her reasoning is that since he is the father,he has the right to know about his child's health condition. Is it wise for me to allow her to contact him? Her ex bf still wants her back,and I'm afraid this would allow him to talk to her out of our marriage,as he had once treatened before.Right now,I'm out of the country,and am worried about him and my wife getting together often.Please advise.Many thanks.

Answer 1

I wouldnt allow it... put your foot down and be a MAN.

Answer 2

Wow, this really is a sticky situation. Since he's the boy's father he does indeed deserve to know that the child is ill. That's if he cared. I doubt that he does, though, because if he did he'd be making regular visits with the kid and would know his condition already. If I were you I'd just let sleeping dogs lie and not give him an opportunity to try to manipulate your wife into a relationship.
The only thing you have to worry about is the fact that he may, at some point, want to have a relationship with his son. If he does that will mean regular visits.
Does he pay child support? Has he relinquished all custodial rights? Has he made any attempts at communication with his son? Since I don't know much about his relationship with his son I can only assume, from the limited information that you've supplied, that he is a self-absorbed jerk who only cares about himself and is willing to commit adultery and break up a marriage in order to further his own agenda. If I were you, I'd tell my wife to not communicate with him until he shows himself to be a responsible father. When he starts acting like he cares about the kid THEN he should be told about any emergencies and health problems. Until then she doesn't owe him a thing.

Answer 3

Seriously, this question is like " be damned if you do or be damned if you don't " kind of thing.
You never mention how long was it before she broke up with her ex and the time you got married?
Another thing, the child has a right to his biological father ( unless his real father is unfit Moran). If interference from you in separating father and son, you will most assuredly regret it when the child reaches adulthood. The child turned adult may hold it against you. Hence " be damned if you do and be damned if you don't ".
There's no relationship in the world that is a more rugged test of our self-reliance than marriage. When you married your wife, you married her in faith and love. You openly and totally committed yourselves to each other for the rest of your lives. You made promises to each other to never hurt one another and to be always helpful and respectful of each other, always trusting. Why are you questioning your wife's trust? She hasn't done anything to deserve your doubt, or has she?
Your marriage has to be adjusted according to the little boy, and I'm sure you want to see the child grow up well-adjusted also. I also don't mean to adjust your marriage, I mean you need to adjust yourself to your partner. You have to realize your wife's virtues and be more sensitive to them, and you can start by not looking for flaws in her character so early in your marriage. Be a little more trusting and be thankful that her son has a chance to know his real father. It doesn't mean that he will not love you any the less, in fact, he will probably, and so will your wife, love you all the more for the way you handle the situation now.
For right now be considerate of her concern for her son and show her that you too are genuinely concerned also. God Bless.

Answer 4

Remember this that man did not just leave you wife but his child women don't easily forget that. Since you seem to have such concerns I think it would be best to talk to her about the boyfriend coming back into your lives. Explain to her your fears, tell her you trust her but you know that the two of them have a history and his treats he made before. Tell her you understand why she wants him back into the child life but you want to make sure that it is only the child life. Bottom line you need to talk to her as soon as you can before this eats as you and you do something you regret. Good luck I hope everything works out for you.

If has not been part of the child life for a year or so then where has he been as a father? Why now.

Answer 5

If she wants to contact her then she should, its not a question of asking you because its about the child not you. But from what it sounds like the bio father isnt around so why would she want him to be in the picture now if he hasnt been there for however long.

If he wants her back thats his problem because if you are secure with your relationship then nothing like that will happen if you trust your wife. Hope your stepson is ok

Answer 6

I would tell her how you feel and let her know that it does bother you. The only way you marriage will last is to trust her. if you step sons medical condition is this severe then he has a right to know but no right to intrude into your relationship with your wife. after all she DID marry you and not him so that has to count for something right? love is the greatest thing in the world and if you have it then you will be just fine!!

Answer 7

If you and her married now and you trust your wife there is nothing for you to be afraid of..She married you because of the fact that she loves you and shes willing to spend the rest of her life to you..

What happen to the past should not be bring back to the present..Every one needs to move on...

He is the father of her son, of course the father has the right to know the conditiion of her son especially if he/she is sick and in a bad condition...The fact that she ask you if she can contact him ask in relation to his son...( you can tell that she respect and honest with you...)This does not mean that there would be a chance for them to be together..You shouldnt think of something that will harm your relationship.. Love is trust, dont let insecurity goes to your mind..its not healthy...

Answer 8

If she truly loves you don't worry.His attempts are probably a pain in her ***.Whatever he did to cause the breakup must have been pretty bad & if she has to let hem know what his son is going through it sure doesn't look like he relly cared anyway. Sounds like he was more after bragging rights instead of a relationship.Hopefully your wife is smarter than that. It also sounds like she needs you to lean on if you can get there.

Answer 9

Of course she must tell the boyfriend, he is the boy's father and has a right to be involved in his care.

You will have to learn to trust your wife, because this man is going to be in the background for a long time to come, until the boy is grown up and leaves home.

Answer 10

Your wife is a free woman with a mind of her own. This also concerns another mans son. Neither of these people are your property so the question of allowing your wife to do whatever she wants is ridiculous. You have to trust her and your marriage. And if the ex thinks he can "talk her out of your marriage" then he doesn't place much value on her mind either. Trust your wife-- it will make you happy.

Answer 11

I think u shud let her contact him. This will make her aware of the trust u have in her. If she loves u, she will never leave u nor listen to the ex. He really has the right to know about the child. We dnt know the reason y they seperated but if he left her n ur good to her, she will not fall again for any of his games.