My boyfriend and I are fighting on the phone and we are taking a break. We are going to decide whether to stay together or not. I am in love with all my heart. I am ready to switch college's so we can be closer together. He say's he loves me but at this moment he's not IN love with me. I really don't know what to do or say to fix this or if I can. HELP!
2006-10-09 18:56:55 · 22 answers · asked by Brenda W 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I am really sorry. You should tell him how much you love him and remind him that you are switching colleges just to be near him and you shouldn't do that if you are splitting up, it will just make the pain for you worse and you dont want that, do you?I would say,Look (insert name), I love you with all of me and I dont want us to split up. It hurts that you are not in love with me but I can't make you. If you really dont love me that way I am not going to transfer schools, the only reason for that was to be close to you. So the choice is yours,I dont want to lose you but I dont want to be part of something that isnt real.
2006-10-09 19:16:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're fighting, it's bad already. If it were true love, you wouldn't have to be "deciding" on anything, girlie. Do not make the mistake of altering your life or your future by switching college just to be near to this guy. He's told you that he loves you, but is not IN LOVE with you. This is truly the equivalent to "I don't love you." NOPE, you can't fix this. This is something that you don't just fix. Let it be. Stay where you are at, if he really wants to be with you, let him figure out a way to be near you. But I'm telling you, he doesn't love you and I think you know that already. We women have this extra sense and super intuition and I know that you know what the reality is. Don't ignore yourself.
2006-10-09 19:06:32 · answer #2 · answered by SheDevil 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you shouldn't try to "force" someone to be in love with you. If you do, it won't be real anyway.
You're being selfish and greedy for his love and he's not ready to give it just yet (if he ever will). And fighting with him is NOT the way to make him care about you more or love you more. If anything, you'll only drive him away and he won't wanna see you. Then going all that way to be closer to him will be pointless.
You should be more tactful. Try to be a good friend as well as lover, or fiancee, or girlfriend, or whatever. Talk to him as a friend. Try to understand his point of view. And find out what he's really interested in. What are his needs, wants, likes, dislikes, goals, fantasies, etc. Don't talk about love and what's going on in your life all the time... and what you want. Pay attention to him and get to really know him, because honestly, it sounds like he isn't "feeling" you as THE ONE for him. Talk to him about it, because you need to know whether this is true or not. You need to know if this relationship is worth your time, energy, and sanity. You need to know whether you need a break or if you need to break loose and move on about your business. Don't waste your tears over someone who doesn't care about you. Suck it up and go on with your life. Find someone else who does care and who does want to see you happy.
But talk to him first, he may be having some issues that's taking his mind off of you. Or, he may feel pressured by you. Whatever the case may be, talk to him, and LISTEN AS A FRIEND and don't criticize, argue, demand, or belittle his feelings. Let him start to trust you and know you for how good you can make him feel instead of how stressed you are making him feel right now.
Brother DzL (AsP)
"The Player's Lifestyle" (website)
2006-10-09 19:23:07 · answer #3 · answered by mo2dajizzo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants to have cake and eat it too, so to speak.
Based on what you have said, it seems that he enjoys the freedom of not being with you in the same vicinity all the time. When you are around, it's great because he has a girlfriend that he can call and hang out with and have a great time.
However, when you are away at school, he has the option to chase other women without you knowing about it. I'm not saying he does or has been, but he could if he wanted to.
2006-10-09 19:02:13 · answer #4 · answered by errant_hero 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been thought this with my husband when we first started dating. I moved across country and there was a month we were apart. I still loved him but it wasn't the same as when I left. If you would still like to be in the same town as he is in even if you are not together then move and see if that helped. I know once we were back together I was even more in love then when we left each other.
2006-10-09 19:01:32 · answer #5 · answered by cascade_waterfall04 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely do not force yourself on him by giving up your life to accomodate him. Any great guy who deserves you would not ask or expect you to do that. And if you are the one giving up yourself so that he will love you and stay with you, you are in for more heartache later. You cannot make him want to stay. It only makes things so much worse. That happened to me when I was young. We got engaged and he chose to cheat on me.
I got myself hurt when I should have not been so afraid to have a life of my own. Now I have been married for a long time and look back and think " I am SO glad I left that guy!"
Many times we think we know what is best for us and so we go after it for whatever reason (fear, change...) but after we go on, something so much better comes into our lives! If he says that he loves you but is not in love with you, what the hell does that mean??? He is trying to find a way out that will not make things worse. Sorry.
2006-10-09 19:05:12 · answer #6 · answered by my2cents 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you tell somebody you don't love the person - you mean something and have reasons or hidden reasons, whatever.
How you can change the situation. Is hard to accept but the reality are to be how they are. You try to force him to be with you, is unreal - you want to fill him guilty and sorry, and come back.
Today you should show your proud to deserve more as a person then what you are getting.
Fights never build any relationship or make better. Get angry is the worst attitude to show up.
Is not my life is yours but right now you only torture yourself.
2006-10-09 19:08:53 · answer #7 · answered by Toto 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him with all your heart then do whatever you can to stay with him. From what you said it sounds like your very commited and care very much about this guy. You can fix this. If you havent all ready. Tell him how you really feel to your full extent. Tell him the lengths you ready to go to keep this relationship going. If he really loves you, he'll stay with you.
2006-10-09 19:03:39 · answer #8 · answered by SKATER2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he isn't in love with you why continue to see him? Obviously he doesn't feel the same way about you that you feel for him. Do you seriously want to continue this one-sided relationship? Don't switch colleges to be closer to him since it will make things worse.
2006-10-09 18:59:19 · answer #9 · answered by Miss J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you can do at this point. If I were you I would be prepared for the worst. If he feels this way chances are he has already thought about the break up and just hasn't came out and said it. It sounds like he is trying without saying it. Like he is trying to tell you without the actual words.
2006-10-09 19:01:41 · answer #10 · answered by timidlady2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋