2006-10-09 18:46:00 · 13 answers · asked by blue 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It just goes to show us that " heredity " does not equip a child with proper attitudes; children will learn what they are taught! We cannot expect the desirable attitudes and behavior to appear if we have not done our early homework!
It is most important for a child to respect his parents and not because we want to inflate our egos, but because the child's relationship with his parents provides the basis for his attitude toward all other people. His view of parental authority becomes the cornerstone of his outlook on school authority, police, the law, the people who he will eventually live and work for, and to society in general. The flaw you see right now coming from your daughter, probably is a result on your earlier parent-child interaction.
If a child can successfully defy and his parents for the first fifteen years of his life, flouting their authority, he will eventually develop contempt for them. If a child outsmarts his parents and wins confrontations and battles through the years, he is more than likely to disrespect them in his teen years. He probably figures that his parents are not worthy of his respect and he probably would not want to identify with anything that they represent.
Break down in mutual respect bears many painful consequences within the family unit. Discipline and love are not " opposites", one is the function of the other.
Considering your daughter is 17, sit down and try to find out why she is so rude to you and try to persuade her to change her behaviour towards you. If she persists in her rude bahaviour toward you, I would seriously consider " tough love " and be persuaded to let her go on her own. It is not wise for a parent to be too demanding and authoritative with an older teen-ager; otherwise you may force her to defy your authority just to prove her independence and adulthood.
I think it is much the wiser to treat your daughter, being 17 years old, like an adult; she's more likely to act like one if given the status offered to other adults.
Perhaps, when you sit down to talk with her about how she is rude to you, tell her how you feel about her disrespect and how you would like to be treated, she will know that the responsibility is on her shoulders to change her behaviour towards you. Also by telling her how it makes you feel, she will realize the consequences of her rude behaviour to you and hopefully act accordingly to change her ways.
Think of it in this way, " I love my daughter too much to let her behave in this manner ".
Another thing to consider is that " respect is a two way street " and I seriously think that you cannot require your daughter to treat you with dignity if you cannot do the same for her.
Be gentle on her ego and never belittle her or embarrass her in front of her friends. If you have to punish, administer it away from curious eyes. Always consider her feelings and requests honestly. It's the time now to really show her that " you really do care about her ".
Perhaps you are 12 years late in disarming your little time bomb, but you have to start sometime and also " it's better late than never ".
2006-10-09 20:30:44 · answer #1 · answered by trieghtonhere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm really sorry about this! I have a friend who has a daughter around that age and things get heated sometimes too. Try not to blame yourself unless you did do something wrong? Your teen has a lot of hormones rushing through her body, she probably also has a lot of stressors in her life that seem unsurmountable. I know this sounds funny, but remember that she has not yet learned the skills to handle stress yet! Best Wishes, things will get better!
2006-10-09 19:26:57 · answer #2 · answered by desiree_vanrosendale 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember when you were 17? Let your daughter know that you are the parent and that if she continues with such dis respect then there will be a punishment. However, you can just hug your daughter and let her know you love her. Its alright to be your daughter's friend, but being a parent is priority. You just need to know when which role is appopriate.
2006-10-09 19:08:17 · answer #3 · answered by bobbiericky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i will tell u something I'm 28 and i hate my mom ....and i treat her bad ...u know why? because she treat me in a weird way she always criticize everything i do ..i tried to be nice to her but still she is even worse ...so i always say if she treat e like a Friend i would change my attitude towards her.
so i beg u be a Friend to yoUr daughter she will love u ... show her that ur interested to what she do in life join her....let her feel safe
don't be rude to her like my mam...
ask her why she behaves like this ....be honest and friendly she will love u
2006-10-09 18:52:53 · answer #4 · answered by black cat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to let her know straight up that you will not allow her to speak to you in that manner. You need to discipline her and stick with it. When she is with her friends and disrespects you, you need to tell her friends that they need to leave. Sure she will act like you committed the worst crime ever, but chances are that her friends wouldn't get away with talking to their parents like that.
But another thing, before you go and ground her or whatever, take the time to talk to her. Maybe she is having a hard time with something else in her life and she is taking it out on you. What ever you do, don't call her names or put her down, this will only make it worse.
2006-10-09 18:52:57 · answer #5 · answered by jack russell girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's a teen. It should wear off next year. Then she will start being nice because she will always be asking for money when she is in college! Good luck! I put my parents through hell, and boy, am I getting payback from my 17 MONTH old! I feel for you!
2006-10-09 18:50:38 · answer #6 · answered by miyazaki75 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should approach this problem very gently. Try to understand what her problem is and speak to her and solve it. Politely make her know how she should react during these situations and ask to solve it without losing the temper.
2006-10-09 18:50:13 · answer #7 · answered by akilashiva 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Kindness kills, she act as if it does not bother you, then when she thinks she has you licked and tells you she needs something, just smile and say, nope, disrespect is not treated in this home...
2006-10-09 18:54:31 · answer #8 · answered by Ladeebug71 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Show your daughter how you should be treated. You have the authority over her!!!
2006-10-09 18:47:55 · answer #9 · answered by ~Amor~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take controll....she needs to respect you...if she's driving take the keys, take the thing that mean the most to her....n all the PRIVILEGES that you ALLOW her to have (key word is ALLOW) ....its nothing to take them away right???
2006-10-09 18:53:01 · answer #10 · answered by So_Needless_2_Say 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋