My partner is in denial obout drug abuse and says he does not have a problem and claims it is not hurting our relationship. I want to help him and he won't let me.
2006-10-09 18:27:13 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You've just got to be truthful. The truth hurts, right? Tell him that it's hurting you, your relationship, and most of all he's hurting himself. If you need help, ask some friends or relatives to help plan an intervention. I know you don't want to offend him, but that might be what it takes to help him. You've got to make him realize what he is doing to himself and that he has a problem. He's not going to change because you want him to, but because he wants to.
2006-10-09 18:39:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't, they will always be offended, they have to want to quit themselves.
Even an intervention may not help, as a matter of fact it may cause him to resent you more.
After you do all the research in the problems that are caused by drugs and the success rate of all the programs around.
There is really only one thing you can do if you really want him to stop.
Tell him to quit or get out,
If you don't you will always be burdened by his drug use. he may never quit and you would end up just having to live with it. and he will always control the situation.
It is not worth it and he will drag you down with him. You could try AA or some other organization that deals with this but you end up trading one addiction for another and they typically blame the non user as an enabeler. You are not at fault he is,
You can love someone without being near them. dont let him ruin your happiness.
2006-10-09 18:42:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that the only thing you can do, short of leaving, is to cite for him, chapter and verse, how his drug abuse IS absolutely hurting your relationship.
What problems do you identify as problems, especially if they're deal-breakers?: When high, he stands you up, he gets violent; he is exposing you to STD's with reckless sexual behavior, he is a danger behind the wheel, he is neglectful of children in his care, he comes onto every man, woman, and child he meets; he ignores you socially and emotionally when high, he spends grocery or rent money to get high...you name it.
Drug use is a selfish thing. There are three of you in this relationship, but he denies that there is an elephant standing in the middle of the room between you. Tell him how you see the elephant killing him, you, and your relationship with each other.
Also, get in touch with recovering addicts and do your homework. When you say you want to help him, what does that look like? What does that entail? How far does it go?
People, their needs, and what they respond to or not can be quite different. But, overall, in the recovering addict's experience, ask if your brand/type of help and your offers of help to your boyfriend are appropriate and really helpful? Or is he just sucking you in and dragging you down with him?
Drug abuse is an ugly thing. You can't pretty it up for him, you can't always be nice and polite or decide that his feelings are more important than yours so you shouldn't rock the boat, much less offend him.
In any event, I think that it is most important that you be prepared to walk away and that you clearly identify as much in advance as possible, what and where that breaking point is. In the end, something's gotta' give, and I strongly suggest that it not be you. .
2006-10-09 18:40:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you can not. Addiction is more powerful than you. A person must chose for themselves if they want to stop. There is good news though. There is a support group that addresses your issue. It is called Al-Anon. Even though it looks like an alcoholic recovery process with a similar name it addresses partners concerns with an addiction. You should be able to find a phone # in your phone book or go on-line. You will find a sympathetic ear who has "been there". Find a meeting in your area and go. You will be amazed at how many are in your "same shoes". It costs nothing. It is as always totally anonymous.
Best of luck
2006-10-09 18:54:14 · answer #4 · answered by andywho2006 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOu can't. They will feel offended no matter how you approach it. Stick to it though. They'll appreciate it when they quit. Also, get professional help and don't try to do this all by yourself. I'm glad you care. I've known some people who just do away with their friends after they find out that they're on drugs.
2006-10-09 18:30:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well what kind of drugs are we talking? Nicotine? Caffeine? Alcohol?
If we are talking illegal drugs talking about him quitting is going to come from you a lot nicer then the cops don't you think? Even if you are yelling it lol!
You must of stopped using? It is not common for a drug addicts to be around those who do not do the same as they do.......Also you can not make him! He has to stop for the right reasons, this is for himself. Until he hits the bottom (for him) he wont stop. He may even turn into a lier if you stress him out to stop (he will do it behind your back). Be prepared for him to take his drug over you. If this happens you got to ask yourself if the relationship is worth it....
If this relationship is worth it you need to think about getting into a support group for yourself. If that is we are talking illegal drugs and not drugs peeps feel are not drugs (if you understood that one lol).
I will be on drugs the rest of my life, of course there legal (from doctors) but still drugs.....
2006-10-09 18:38:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is gt him to focus on the positive accomplishments he has made well not doing drugs. Maybe suggest some fun activities he likes doing instead. My bf was the same way..he went to jail and ever since then doesnt do drugs anymore....so jail might work..but besides that..hmm..maybe talk to him?
2006-10-09 18:41:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't baby him, hit him in the face about it. let him know haw you feel, that it hurts you, and it is a problem. you can't help him by being a push over, and actually the only one who can help him is himself. he has to make a choice about what is more important.
2006-10-09 18:31:13 · answer #8 · answered by puertoricanhusker85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid you may have to offend him. Have you thought about an intervention?
2006-10-09 18:29:32 · answer #9 · answered by lucy02 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get professional help and support him. if you love him make him listen
2006-10-09 18:39:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋