how could a person do this to some one?

Question

my husband's coworker told me in confidence that my hubby was trying to secretly get "fixed" before I got pregnant. the crazy part is we discussed having children BEFORE we were married and that I was not going to play stepmom to his boys every summer and not have my own children. after getting pregnant, hubby went back and forth upset about the baby which leads me to believe his coworker was telling me the truth. Was that selfish of me to still want to have my own children? Why would someone try to take that away from me when he should have just left me alone and not proposed? what do you think happened here, I missed a huge red flag somewhere!

Answer 1

Your not in the wrong here.
You did make it clear and if he wanted not so badly to have a child, he could have protected himself. Despite your wishes.
If he has a huge problem with the baby, leave him. Children could have been one of the problems previously as it changes your lifestyle, body sometimes and thus depresses the "boy" in him wanting to have all attention and not be tied down. It may be more child support he fears in the long run. Maybe this will pass .....

It was not the coworkers business though and careful of facts from anyone but the source.
Sometimes they are not true or exagerated.
It could have been a joke stated.

Answer 2

Your husband is being very decietful,that is a good question why would he do something like this to you,you are his life partner and there is no excuse acceptable as to why he would even think about decieving you,so what if you wouldn't have gotten pregnant after trying didn't he know that you would eventually find out if there was a medical reason that you were unable to concieve also after you found out it wasn't you then only one person would be left which would be him,oh what a tanlge web we weave when we try to decieve.The co-worker was telling you the truth if he has the nerve to get upset after you got pregnant sounds like he has issues and if he would lie to you about something that serious I'm sure you have to wonder what else he's lied to you about.

Answer 3

Men say a lot of things while they are courting you. You may not have missed any flags. He needs to tell you why he doesn't want any more children, though he may not know himself. This issue needs to be resolved so that he will be able to have a good relationship with the new child.

If you are brave enough, you may want to sit down with the mother, or other family members of his boys and find out if he was like this when they were being brought into the world.

Answer 4

I'm not quite sure how deep was the discussion you and your hubby had. It could have been anything from one sided to him holding back his honest opinion because he wasn't comfy expressing them to you with the vibes he was getting.

I'm abit shocked that you wanting children sounds more vocal than you loving him here. Your question vocalises the children topic so much more than what he is feeling and I'd like to suggest that's wat happened in the discussion you had... That your strong desire to have your own children overwhelmed his own views and /or made them transparent.

One thing for sure is that he really loves you, else marriage won't have come on the table. But him wanting more children is a piggy back issue on this. Having children with him is mutual commitment. He's understandbly upset cause he hasn't bought in to the idea... could be finance, could be just getting along with siblings, could be plenty issues which he can't express because you WANT it.

Stop making this an issue about you. Just wat I think.

Answer 5

I don't think it was intentional that things appear he mis-lead you to believe he wanted children. I think your discussions where probably honest, however, as time progressed he had a change of heart and wanted to prevent having more children. I think it was added responsibility not anything directly related to raising your child...call it cold feet to start all over again...just a gut feeling about this...I am kinda in the same boat, thinking of starting over, and are new children going to be involved, I love children so its possible but I've already been there done that so I am second guessing my fatherly instincts....perhaps he was too...good luck.

Answer 6

he lied, and its a deal breaker...but for now its time to sit him down and plan ahead. start letting him know that you still want children (without letting on about what you have learned) and get his reaction. he may have just been having a man thing at the office. but if the reaction is really negative, then get some help for him to talk it out. if you want to keep him, keep it low key and find out whats behind this feeling he's having. do not charge in with accusations and anger, or you'll end up in court.

Answer 7

No, you aren't selfish to want a child, it's selfish and dishonest for your husband to have expected you to marry him under false pretenses. I'd be questioning the actual stability of the relationship though.

Answer 8

Your husband seems to be hiding his true feelings incase you dont like what he has to say. I think its time for you two to have a long hard discussion about what yor both want. Good luck.

Answer 9

sometimes people want what they want.... he wants someone to be mom to his kids during the summer but he wasn't wanting to have more kids but since you are pregnant he's out of sorts over the matter.
Since having kids was discussed and he was playing like he's fine with it ... tell him to shut up with the drama and behave himself .... also talk with him about what was revealed to you.... the secrets need to come out and be resolved....

Answer 10

No, I don't think you missed the warning sign.

Most ppl have it within themselves to be competent liers, and it sounds as if your partner is one of them.

He simply may not have expected things to turn out as they have, though he should have seen the signs.

I am not defending your man.

I am trying to say it is not your fault.

Good luck.

And God bless.