my mother in law has not spoken to me "nicely" since I've been pregnant, we live in different states and there isn't much commnication anyway. I sent her a baby shower invite and never heard a response from her, however, she recently went on a cruise but always complained about not having enough money for anything. I don't make any points to speak to her when hubby is on the phone with her I just carry on with what I normally do. is this healthy? what do I have to look forward to when the baby is here as far as dealing with her?
2006-10-09 17:50:01 · 11 answers · asked by Kisses 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I had a fine relationship with my mother-in-law until she died. It was my father-in-law I always avoided, but for more extreme reasons. I don't think it's unhealthy not to get along with your mother-in-law. There's no rule that says you have to get along or not get along with his family. As long as it stays somewhat cordial, it's normal. What you have to understand about her is that some people just gripe to gripe and never have anything nice to say ever about anyone or anything. As far as the money is concerned, she just likes having something to complain about. It gives her something to do and it makes her happy to pretend to be a victim. You won't change her and she isn't going to change on her own, so there's no point in stressing out about it. There's no reason why you should go out of your way to talk to anyone who's not truly supportive of you, including your mother in-law, so don't worry about the phone thing. She's really calling to talk to your husband and eventually your kid, and not you, anyway. When you do have to talk to her, just hold your tongue and be polite when she says something off. You can vent (but don't be too hateful about it) to your husband later, but there's no sense in permanently making the situation worse by going off on her unless she says something truly out of line. Even then, I'd probably have your husband talk to her about it or wait until you're calmer before you go off on her...
2006-10-09 18:08:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't healthy, but you don't need to do anything. You never see her or talk to her, so don't worry about it. Focus on how happy you will be when the baby comes! Maybe she'll change when the baby comes-who knows. But don't change for her. Continue to be yourself regardless. If things get worse or even more tense while she is around after the baby is born, have a talk with your husband. Maybe he can do something to ease the tension between the two of you. Good luck.
2006-10-10 01:02:26 · answer #2 · answered by Jenna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you're both being not only rude, but childish as well.
No it's not healthy for the attitude of you both, which actually puts your husband is a lousy position. After all, it IS his mother. How do you think it makes him feel to have the two women, that he loves dueliing. It certainly wont get any better once the baby arrives. I do hope it's not her 1st grandchild. All lives can become a living hell.......including the baby's in time.
2006-10-10 01:00:42 · answer #3 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is being a big baby because she is jealous she is not the center of attention and you are, I can tell because of the cruise but no money thing. She probably expects you to walk on eggshells around her too. My mother in law is like that. She wastes money on such stupid sh!t just because she had a coupon for it, yet she always acts as if she and her family are going to go broke and has my hubby (her oldest son) pay for him and me when she invites us out to eat. But you can't say anything cause that may hurt her feelings! BAH! If she says some rude bull sh!t to me, I don't let her get away with it,I tell her how I feel, I put her in an awkward position right back. My husband is a pilot and he has to watch his driving speed so as not to get tickets or he can't fly for a while, cause your driving relfects upon your flying. So, she asked me how long it took to drive from Alpharetta, GA (north of Atlanta) to Columbus, GA. I told her it was the exact distance as from Alpharetta to Auburn, AL, so about 2 1/2 hours. She shook her head and said, "no, I don't think so, he had to have been speeding when he drove from Auburn to here and vis versa," wich was insulting me cause then that means she was accusing me of speeding too when I said I wasn't and she was calling us liers, "so I explained to her the pilot situation, and she said, "No, I don't believe you". So, I let her have it, I told her "That's incredibly rude of you to accuse me of lieing when I told you the truth, you asked me how long the drive was and I told you, that should have been the end of it. Joel and I don't speed because it is unsafe and we don't want to run the risk of getting a ticket. I don't appreciate you treating me and talking to me like a child. Don't ever let that happen again". She actually doesn't say so much bull to me anymore cause I'm gonna call her out on it! If you're mother in law has a problem and you did nothing wrong, take a stand and tell her you think it's bull sh!t. There's nothing she can do about it. You're married to her son, you're HIS WIFE, and the mother of his child, she needs to accept the fact that her turn is over and it's your turn now. She has a choice, she can be adult about it and accept it like all other mature adults, or she can be a baby and continue with her temper tantrums, but if she choeses to have a tantrum, keep you out of it because you have better things to do with your time that deal with her baby sh!t! GOOD LUCK and CONGRATS on the baby!!!!
2006-10-10 01:23:37 · answer #4 · answered by afafae25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not living with your mother-in-law and she's not part of your daily life...forget about her! Why are you letting this woman pollute a part of your life that should be joyous and precious! And she might be annoyed at the prospect of being a grandmother (while she still feels young) so that could be the reason she's rude. Forget about her, enjoy your baby and Grandparents are not that important to kids if you don't have to live with them.
2006-10-10 00:55:01 · answer #5 · answered by DrSH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes your reaction is healthy...mother in laws are funny. but you did mention that you live in different states..... that's great.
my mil lives just minutes away, and never tells you she's on the way over. i think they get jealous that their little boys are all grown up! they need to realize that their little boys still love them even after the cord is cut! good luck with your pregnancy, don't let anyone spoil this beautiful moment in your life!
2006-10-10 01:04:04 · answer #6 · answered by magdalina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That depends on how much she wants to be a part of the baby's life. I would however suggest that you start talking to her when your husband calls her. That would be a very nice as well as respectful gesture on your part.
2006-10-10 01:01:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe after the baby is born she'll turn around. Maybe she's just disappointed or something? Hopefully he gets invovled to ease the tension.
2006-10-10 00:56:04 · answer #8 · answered by xxxdarksakuraxxx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can only be yourself. If there is a conflict with you and your mother in law, your hubby should get involved a little bit to ease the tension. You should not change who you are to please her. If your hubby askes you to bend a little, do it for him but never for her.
2006-10-10 00:54:31 · answer #9 · answered by dirkdiggler9999 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for your pieces of your mind try very hard if not she will fill his head full of crap that is not true
2006-10-10 00:55:41 · answer #10 · answered by rradboys 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋