What Do I Say To Him Now?

Question

My Husbands ex has now stopped letting my Husband speak to his son,even though he knows the child isn't his (found out a few months ago)she has now told the child that my Husband isn't his real father anyway. I am so angry at her all was going well until my husband told his son that we're having two babies instead of one,I don't know what to say to my husband as he doesn't want to move on without his son but his ex is making it very hard please help I have no idea what to say to him what can I say to him to comfort him?Legal Fees don't ask they are already through the roof.Next step should we consider custody?

He's on the child's birth certificate and as far as the state where we live he is legally the child's father,they were married when the child was born he only recently found out the child isn't his when she got p issed at him and told him so had a DNA test and she was right but this child is my Husbands child he's the only father he has ever known and my husband said he never wanted him to know that he wasn't his biological father but thanks to her he now knows and he's asking a ton of questions that my Husband cannot answer like who his father is keep in mind we love this child as the child is under 15 in fact just turned 10.

Maybe you should reread what I wrote I said his MOTHER told him NOT My HUSBAND, we have whats in his best interest in mind and yes he's old enough to know that he's going to be a big brother to twins so your answer doesn't even offend me it only shows me that you are ignorant!!

Answer 1

This is a very delicate situation, especially for the child in question. You didn't mention how old the boy is... and are you talking about how to comfort your husband? I'm sorry, I'm a bit confused on that. But, if it's your husband you want to comfort...I can understand that. I would imagine too that his son is quite confused over the whole issue, even that you're having two babies... perhaps he's been the only child for quite some time, and now he's not allowed to see his father, it isn't fair what the mother is doing.

There's a law you may want to inquire about in your state, it's called "alienation of affection." Basically, it has to do with what the mother is now doing with her son, preventing him from seeing his dad. And, having found out just recently that the child is not your husbands doesn't change what the relationship was between the both of them.

I can only assume that the boy thought your husband was his father to begin with so I understand your anger at what the mother has perpetrated on that poor child. That was totally cruel what that woman did. Imagine how hurt, scared and angry the boy may be. It's interesting, but the mother sounds like an angry woman!

However, the fact that your husband obviously has an established relationship with his son and wants to continue seeing him, the courts take that very much into consideration for the childs well being. You may want to talk with a court advocate from your local court house if they are available. There may also be a mediation group locally for you that your husband and his ex-wife could attend, some take payments... but, the agreements are binding, as if a court has made a judgement. Any deviation from the agreed process is still considered a violation of the court.

There, the child's rights will be protected and if needed, a guardian ad litem could be considered for intervention if the mother is continuing to be difficult. The courts don't look fondly upon interference when the interests of a childs welfare is at stake. It's possible that your husband could even get legitimate visitation rights. I would, however, consider very carefully any issues concerning custody, that may not be what the child needs to go through at this time.

I wish you both the best. I know this isn't easy, but I hope this helps. Congrats too on your babies!

Cali... I finished writing and then saw that you added addtional information. Your husband IS on the BC ...good. Is he paying child support? Some states require it even if the male is not the biological father... If he's paying support, he cannot be kept from his son! I see he's just 10! Such a tender age to have something like this slap him in the face. I am so sorry to see this. It's very upsetting. Please seek out help through the court advocate, they can answer most questions for you, some are attorney's... then do check in your community for a mediation process... in fact, the court may have some documents (pamphlets) on that very process. Take good care....

Answer 2

You both need to discuss it in great detail, and agree on something that you are both willing to put 110% into.

Just because he is not the real father, it doesn't mean he will lose a custody battle. Fathers are already the so-called "underdogs" when it comes to custody issues, but it's possible to come out on top. I am living proof of that much, I have part-time (working hard for full-time) custody of my six year old daughter. She isn't biologically mine, but I thought she was for the first three years of her life. That counts for so much, in regards to custody.

Your husbands ex sounds rather vindictive. Making children pay for marriage/relationship disputes, is highly unhealthy and unfair. Quite sad really.

If your husband is willing to put in the work, to be a part of his son's life (whether biologically his, or not) all you need to do is support his decision, and tackle the next step with him. And of course, with his son's best interests in mind. Reassure your husband, that he is able to attain whatever it is that he wants, and that you will help him get that, because you are well aware of what it all means to him.

He will appreciate you for it.

You may not get full custody, but at least some sort of visitation rights where your husband can play a vital role in a little boys life.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Actually since your husband is not the child's biological father he really has no rights as far as custody is concerened. But then he also has no obligation to pay child support. You also have no right to be angry because she is the child's birth mother and it was her perogotive to tell her son the truth, whether you liked it or not. You have absolutely nothing to say in how she chooses to raise her son, you are not related to the boy other than being married to the man who's name is on the child's birth certificate.

Answer 4

I'm 'assuming' the boy is young. So why on earth are all you adults giving him so damn many details about his existance???
He should be angry at all of you, for using HIM as a pawn. It's the boy who needs comfort, not your husband. Why not give the poor boy a break, and some time to enjoy his life, instead of being torn apart by his so called surrounding 'adults'

Answer 5

OUCH!! that hurts.I feel bad for him.If his name is on the birthcertificate, than yes go for custody,if you can.