my 12y/o stepdaughter insists on sleeping in my bed i have tryed to get her to sleep in her own bed but to no?

Question

avail she has been that way sincxe she was little why does she insist on sleeping with me ?

Answer 1

This is why I don't advocate co-sleeping past infancy. The longer you wait to ween them to their own bed/room, the harder it gets. She feels secure and safe with you and she's scared to sleep by herself. Losing her biological father probably just made her even more clingy to her mother, too, so she wants to sleep with you guys so she knows you all won't up and leave her. Get her a nightlight if that helps her and maybe a big stuffed animal that she can use to comfort herself instead of you -- maybe introduce it to her as her guardian or something. Some people will lay down in the kid's bed with them until the kid falls asleep, then they go back to their own bed. That would probably make the transition easier for her. Read to her or tell her pleasant stories with happy endings about angels or other good things. Stay away from scary movies/tv shows, and if all that fails, ban her from your bedroom no matter what fit she throws. You're going to lose sleep over this for awhile.

Answer 2

Look in the mirror and tell me if you see a crutch. Some kids don't like sleeping alone. It can take a lot of effort to change that. It may not be that she has to have you there all night, but just to have you there until she falls a sleep. I don't know if she has spooky dreams or not but that can be an issue. I think the bigger issue is that her day is so busy and filled with other things that she needs quality time, even if the only time available is at night.
I spent a lot of time with my daughter when she was going through that phase. I would read her bed time stories before bed and we would snuggle. Later, she was a bit old for the bed time stories, but she still wanted to snuggle and talk about her day. I would ask her which stuffed animal she wanted to sleep with. She felt she had a choice, but the choice of me being with her was not one of them. She would take a hot bath and dress for bed. Then we would spend about 30 to 40 minutes chatting about her day and whatever came to mind before it was lights out. This became a routine and she grew to like it. So did I. She was a restless sleeper and I was always getting hit in the face and elsewhere during the night.

Answer 3

Sorry, but I think this is totally inappropriate. A 12 yr old girl should not be sleeping with her stepdad. What is wrong with you? Buy her a puppy, get her into counseling, something. Start out small. Give her a reward for sleeping in her own bed for a week. Like inviting other girlfriends for a sleepover...or a movie night..shopping spree..something. This is not healthy -- for either of you. Move forward. What if protective services got wind of this??? Think carefully about this, and take some action, you obviously seem to know that this isn't right.

Answer 4

Well, we don't know the whole story, how did you come about being her Stepdad? Is your wife divorced, did her dad leave them, or is she a widow? It could possibly be that she doesn't want to lose you, and possibly have it be the second man to leave in some way or another. You may need to sit her down and have a "man to woman" chat with her. Expalin to her she is a woman, and she should sleep in her own bed so she can have her privacy. But if she REALLY needs you, and it has to be a legit reason (I'll leave that up to you to define and agree on with her) can she come to you. Make her feel like you're doing this for her and not you. I hope I helped you. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 5

You should ask her. Maybe she has nightmares, or maybe her bed isn't comfortable. If it's something you can fix, you wont know unless you ask her and explain to her that she's getting too old to sleep with you. But... if it makes you feel any better I once babysat for a family that all slept in the same bed. The kids were 8 and 10 and they all slept in one big bed with their parents every night. I find that weird. Each to their own I guess. Seriously though, talk with her, it's the only way you'll find the answer.

Answer 6

Definitely time to put an end to this immediately. You are so asking for trouble even if nothing even the least off would happen. Where is her mom? Do yourself a big favor and stop this. She is old enough for you to just insist that she sleep in her own room. What is she going to do? Hold her breath?

Answer 7

I have gone through this with my kids when they were small....they always crept into my bed and slept in between me and my husband but once they got to be about 4 we put our foot down and insisted they slept in their own beds....

You need to explain to her that she is a big girl and that mom and dad need their privacy and that she needs to sleep in her own bed...Maybe you could take her out shopping for some nice new sheets or a new comforter, something to make her bed seem more special. Find something really pretty for her bed so it is more appealing to her to sleep in her own bed.

If it is security that's an issue make sure you reassure her that you are still there for her....that she is safe and that her room is a very safe place for her. If necessary leave a nightlight on for her or allow her to play music quietly on a radio.....

She shouldn't be sleeping with you both anymore. You have to be firm in saying "no" and stick to it. Don't even allow it one time once you have made the decision to stop allowing it. Pretty soon she will be starting puberty and she will be going through changes....she is nearly a teenager. You don't want to get in trouble for having her sleeping in your bed should the wrong person find out....like a teacher, etc....you need to be careful with something like that. It could be misconstrued as something sexual in nature....

Good luck....

Answer 8

You let her sleep with you since she was little and that is a hard habit to break!! I would just tell her that she is old enough to sleep in her own bed!!! Twelve years old is too old to be sleeping with your parents! You need to tell her,"No" and be firm about it. I would put a lock on your bedroom door so she couldn't get in your room at night. I can't imagine you having much of a sex life if your 12 year old daughter is insisting she sleep with you!?!?

Answer 9

At 12, it's time for her to stop sleeping in your bed. If nothing else, it has a really bad appearance.

Put your foot down and insist. Sit her down, explain to her that she's gotten to grown-up for that now, and it's just not right anymore.

Answer 10

on the one hand thats really sweet my son and husband (stepdad) can hardly stand each other
however that is a big problem
im trying to break my son of it now
hes 5 and hes too old so that should tell you something
i would say find out why
shes old enough to say
and then fix it
if it doesnt work try sitting with her till she goes asleep
but i agree it should end now
that really doesnt look good
ya know
thats how micheal jackson got in trouble
understand im not accusing you of anyhting or trying to imply anything
im just saying it doesnt look right
it wouldnt look right if you were blood either so dont be too offended
but if nothing else works
(and this will only be another problem to deal with...but for now will get her out of your bed)
try to get her to lay on the couch and go to sleep watching a movie
or put a tv in her room (thats actually more what im trying to break w/ my son...but it got him out of my bed...now i just have to break the tv habit...but taking it slow)
anyway...defenitley get her out of your bed
but let her know that it doesnt mean your any "further" away...sounds like she needs lots of reassuring
good luck