How many other people think that living together BEFORE Marriage is actaully a smart thing to do?

Question

I am a FULL believer in "livng in sin". I feel that the only way you can truly KNOW a person inside and out, you have to actaully live together for a while. Think about it, if you marry a person and then move in with them, what if you find out that you cannot stand your partner? Then you have a real expensive divorce plus all that money wasted on a wedding. To me it seems more economical and less hassel, both parties can just walk away. Now if living together is successful, then all the more to look forward to when the wedding comes along. I wonder why a romatically involved couple living together before marriage is still considered Taboo to some extent. Any thoughts are welcome! Thanks

Answer 1

I think that it is a smart thing to do as well. If I hadn't done it I might have married my last boyfriend and OH what a disaster that would have been. We had been dating for 2 years and lived together for one and it was an easy decision to end it after living together. Anyway, my parents lived together for 4 years before getting married and they have been married almost 30 years now, so I'd say that was a good thing for them.

I think it depends on the person and their belief system. Some people really want to find a match, someone they can live with, and others just want to get married. For those people who want to just get some man or woman to marry them, maybe being responsible about it and living together would ruin the "fairy tale" (lie) idea for them. I think a lot of people who get married live in fantasy land and just want that fairy tale that you learn about when you are a kid, but really they should be thinking much more realistically about finding a partner who you will share your life, space, and time with. That is just my opinion though.

Answer 2

Most people talk about how the divorce rate is higher when you live together first, but numerous studies have shown that if you live together with the INTENT (not possibility) of getting married, than the divorce rate doesn't change, however if you live together and "well see what happens", the divorce rate it higher. Most people attribute this to not communicating properly/shrugging off fights, because you can always "just move out", and therefore you arent forced to work through the problems like you are when married. That being said, most people who dislike living together before marriage also "dislike" premarital sex.

I've lived with my boyfriend of 5 years for 1 year, but then again were getting married in a few years.

Answer 3

Actually the rate of splits in marriages after living together is pretty much 50%. I lived with my ex for 6 months before we got married, we lived together "part time" for three years prior to that, we divorced 17 years after we were married. If living together is successful that's it...that doesn't mean a marriage will be successful, people change over time and what might have been important to them when they were younger isn't or they've accomplished those goals and have other goals when they get older.

Answer 4

I completely agree with you. Just make sure you find a place that you can afford on your own just in case it doesn't work out. But, I think if you live with someone, you get an idea of how they like to live, like if they're a slob or neat freak, hog the bed a lot, etc. Also, you get to see how their moods are on a regular basis. Some guys are different at home than on a date. Then, you can also get an idea if they want a spouse or another mother.

Answer 5

So far I have had three long term living with each other relationships. The first one I married. The second too controlling, the third the best one yet.

Answer 6

In theory it makes sense. In reality, you, as a woman are making yourself into a wife without any commitment. Your guy can go and cheat on you and you have absolutely no moral right to object. And if doesn't cheat on you, just having that option open to him is there like an elephant in the living room. If you do go ahead and move in w/him I think you will realize it isn't be the pretty, "smart-thing-to-do" picture you imagine.

Answer 7

Absolutely...as long as they don't have kids. If they do, they might as well get married because they are forever tied to that person anyway. If they don't, then they can break free if it doesn't work out, with no strings attached except for who gets possession of the doilies.

Answer 8

If you are looking to prepare yourself and your partner for marriage, living together first is not the way to succeed, at least that's what the divorce statistics tell us. MORE marriages end up in divorce for couples who LIVE TOGETHER first. It seems counter-intuitive, but it's what every marriage counselor/statistician will tell you.

Answer 9

I suggest nobody gets married until they are AT LEAST 26 and have travelled Europe at least twice!

Until then, live as GF/BF, see how realistic marriage might be, but the above rules are CRUCIAL as far as I'm concerned.

Answer 10

before my brother and his wife got married they lived with each other. They always fought alot and never agreed on things. sometimes she would leave and she wouldnt come back untill the next day but they always worked things out becuase they really loved each other. i understand what your saying you get a head start on what it would be like living with the person but to tell you the truth i really dont know if its a smart thing to do.