I'm single and I've got plenty of married friends. Recently, I've learned that my close friend and her hubby had not had sex for 3 years, since they married. It seems that her husband were so into work and felt that sex after marriage is different (more responsibility), he thinks marriage is hard work and is regretting marriage now. She broke down infront of me few times, but I can only provide listening ear as I'm not certain of how to advise her. THEN, I've also found out another 2 friend's whom is in similar position. What is happening ? I'm so disillusioned. Is this common ? Guys, what could be the actual reason ?
2006-10-09 15:21:15 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no this is not normal at all, that is just weird. sounds like somebody is punching his timecard in someone else's slot and has been for some time, then again he could just be one of those really really weird people who thinks sex is dirty. if he isn't getting it a home he is probably getting it somewhere
2006-10-09 15:26:11 · answer #1 · answered by smitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was just hearing about this from some friends of mine too!!! It is NOT normal, in terms of the statistics that are out there. I think what is normal for married couples is something like twice a week maybe... or was it twice a month? Either way, it was WAY more than once in 3 years! God, I hope marriage isn't like that.
I really don't know what it is, I heard it on the guy's end though. The guys felt that the women conned them into marriage and then once they were in the marriage, the women stopped wanting to have sex with the men. I don't know what could cause the man to not want to have sex with his wife? Maybe he wasn't ready for marriage. Too bad and too late now, they need to find a way to work it out since the made the commitment. They need to grow up and deal with the situation they are in whether it seems like too much responsibility or not, if they didn't want the responsibility, they should have thought about that before they made their wedding vows.
2006-10-09 15:25:05 · answer #2 · answered by Stephanie S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well i have been married for 5 years and we only had sex a few times in the first year and then in the last 3 we have had sex maybe 3 times. I do not feel as though it is common. I think that men get lazy and do not know how to love and make love. I do not know why they feel that way. I think that they have to do it in the beginning but then they would rather do other things than have sex with their wives. My guess is that if you polled the couples on here you will find this one thing to be true. If they are in love they make love quiet often. They probably cuddle and kiss and hug the rest of the night. (and i guess is there is not to many)
and the rest have sex once in a blue moon and can not wait to get away from one another cause they are not in love....
2006-10-09 15:50:50 · answer #3 · answered by Karen S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm not a guy but coming from an once married gal, I'd just like to say no that kind of marriage is not normal. True, the best thing that you can do for your friend is listen. But, maybe you could run a web search for articles relating to sex-less marriages there are bound to be a few, email them or print them for her. Also, make sure that she talks to her husband about this problem and possibly suggest counseling to them both. If they aren't talking, then you might as well tell her to move on now. On second thought, don't tell her that, she'll find out for herself eventually. Good luck to you and your friend.
2006-10-09 15:27:48 · answer #4 · answered by Jeanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a sexless marriage is never normal. Sex is an integral part of marriage and communication. If one party is holding sex away from the other, there is a deeper rooted problem that needs to be addressed. Most men will not abstain from sex unless they are having sex elsewhere, but this is also true for women. You being put in the middle is unfair to you and you need to move away from that position before some of the blame gets heaped on you..
2006-10-09 15:48:52 · answer #5 · answered by patbendrv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of times couples let their careers take preference over their marriage and sex gets put on the back burner. After awhile it's so far back there it's very hard to get it back.
It's sad but true more times than people know.
Your friend should seek counseling for herself because this is causing her a lot of grief.
Marriage take time and commitment.....it should always come first.
2006-10-09 15:25:53 · answer #6 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of women change the format of sex after they get married, like using it as a tool since she's already got him. I'm not saying that is what's going on, but believe me, something probably changed with her, and, yes, it does seem to be more and more common.
2006-10-09 16:27:59 · answer #7 · answered by WestCoastin4Life 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's not right. Is he having an affair? If he won't go at least advise her to get herself into counseling. She may have to shake up this guy!!! Both partners in a marriage show their love for each other emotionally, and physically. He is not showing all of his love for his wife. She must be hurting terribly, what a blow to the self-esteem.
2006-10-09 15:37:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to just lend a listening ear that is all you can do. If your friends do not like it to well then maybe they should talk to their husbands. You should go out and live life instead of worrying about your friends sex life. Not all marriages are like that.
2006-10-09 15:27:05 · answer #9 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lack of sex or bad sex is a symptom of other problems in the relationship. If the guy leaves the housework for his girl, she doesn't feel so sexy. Its not a nice thought after cleaning the toilet. If he says negative things to her - she will lose interest. Or it may be that the guy is a selfish loves and she is bored with him.
2006-10-09 15:28:45 · answer #10 · answered by farahwonderland2005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Married female here and no its not good. They need marriage counseling. Some men still have a Madonna/whore thing going and since she is now his wife, that means she is too 'good' to do the dirty. Sometimes men 'forget' to be romantic to their wives figuring 'they already got her'. Three years is three years too long something is really wrong there. Especially since she is unhappy, and I assume shes already spoken to him about it.
The physical expression of married love is wonderful and should be enjoyed wholeheartedly.
2006-10-09 15:28:03 · answer #11 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋