After years of arranged marriage, you discover you have had it, and you have had to play this charade for so long that it is almost killing you!
2006-10-09 14:49:28 · 29 answers · asked by Bindle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well, first you have to think about the possible consequences of each decision, leave or stay.
1. If you stay is there a chance for happiness or will you be miserable for the rest of your life?
2. Do you have kids and how will they be affected?
3. If you leave will there be issues with your family?
4. Will you have a chance at happiness if you leave?
5. Are you in love with someone and want to give it a shot?
These are all questions to ask yourself. Ultimately I would have to tell you to follow your heart.
Peace
2006-10-09 14:55:12 · answer #1 · answered by mlpntr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, why is your marriage a charade? Love comes to an arranged marriage not necessarily as a romantic, mushy feeling of hearts, roses and candy. Love comes in the doing of little daily things for your spouse, even when he is unlovely and unloving to you.
However, if you have truly attempted to grow your love for your husband and he is unresponsive, or he is abusive physically and/or emotionally to you and your children, then it may be time to end your marriage.
What are your options? Do you have grown children you can live with? Have you skills you can transfer into a job you can support yourself with?
Can you attend school and earn a degree before you abandon your marriage? What about paying for the divorce and lawyer?
It's fine to say your arranged marriage was loveless on your part, but what about your husband? Is he unaware of your feelings... have you told him? Giving him the opportunity to make you happier is only fair... try to think of this from his side. He is going to lose his spouse and his reputation.
You have not mentioned what religious background you are from, but there are non-sectarian marriage counsellors who can help you work through your feelings and issues. Their advice may or may not be to stay with your husband, but at least you know you will have spoken to a professional with your best interests in mind. Your family may not be the best sort of counsellor as each person will have an agenda.
Please seek out some help. Good luck!
2006-10-09 15:13:01 · answer #2 · answered by Mmerobin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure my past situation fits yours, but my first marriage was set out of desperation and friendship. We were friends, he was funny, needed me and I needed the security and knew I could help him. I was approaching 30 then, he is 8 years older. It was good for a while, I loved him as a friend, but I was not in love with him. You have an arranged marriage. I do not know your culture or situation. You sound desperate. I hope and pray you are not being abused. Meaning emotionally and /or physically. View your safety first, check out your options, seek help where ever you can. I am a great problem solver. E-mail me if you want to. I will try to help. My best to you. Diana
2006-10-09 14:59:48 · answer #3 · answered by Red! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him/her. What do you both want out of a relationship , and can you get it in your current marriage. If it was arranged and you want to consider contiuing with the marriage have you considered dating each other, getting to know one another and trying to build a new, or talkt to a marriage counselor. If you are both looking for something else than go get a divorce and stand together when you are asked to explain. Maybe you and your spouse would be better friends than husband/wife.
2006-10-09 14:53:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out and save two lives. You and your spouse. Life is too short to be trapped. Hopefully you were not foolish enought to bring kids into a loveless marriage.
2006-10-09 14:52:16 · answer #5 · answered by united9198 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was married to a psycho ***** for 18 years. She was my only sex partner, hence I had no comparison, but I knew I was miserable and something was very wrong. Then I met a nymphomaniac hot babe who seduced me. My life was turned around! I wasn't a creep after all (as my ***** wife had me to beleive). I was then on a roll: I set out to seduce every attractive woman I could. Thank God this was before AIDS!!! I finally met the woman of my dreams, we've been blissfully married for 25 years. The answer to your Q: Ditch the ***** NOW...why wait.
2006-10-09 14:59:11 · answer #6 · answered by londo_h_mollari 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It might be killing your spouse as much as it is killing you. Get real with your spouse on your feelings and tell them that you can't go on living this way. He or she may feel the same way. The best way is to be honest and go from there.
2006-10-09 14:54:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i kinda understand the arranged marriage situation and it's not as easy to say divorce as is it is for people whose marriage haven't been arranged. you have a lot to consider, such as, bring shunned from your family and being totally pushed out of your community. make sure you have the support from your family and if you don't make sure that you are ready to endure all of the turmoil that lies ahead
2006-10-09 14:55:42 · answer #8 · answered by Emily F 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk with your husband and see how he feels about things. Seek counseling and help with this and try to work on and save your marriage before seeking to leave or divorce. Why have you had it? Are there children involved?
2006-10-09 14:54:04 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be sure to evaluate your feelings first. Make sure you really feel that way. You may want to just take some time off to see how it is without your significant other. Come back, or stay gone when you've made up your mind.
2006-10-09 14:51:29 · answer #10 · answered by Mitch B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋