What is the best way to handle major stress factors like marriage problems and death of parent?

Question

I lost my mother to cancer a month ago and my husband to a series of flirtatious emails that I sent to an old friend. I know it was wrong but he has left me to think things thru and I'm struggling to understand why I wrote those stupid emails.

I am unemployed without mental health insurance.

Answer 1

Consider getting some grief counseling, or marital counseling. If you did a stupid thing out of pain, perhaps a counselor can make him understand that. I think you need a professional to work you through the steps.

Answer 2

Your husband has to understand that although you were wrong in sending those flirtatious e-mails, that at the current time, your mind wasn't on the right track. I'm sure you've been feeling neglected, depressed, lonely, and tons of other emotions from losing your mother. Although you were flirting with another man, you didn't actually have sex with the man, I am assuming since you didn't mention anything of the sort.
Your husband has the right to want to think things through but you need to call him and talk to him about how you have been feeling lately and how truly sorry you are about the mistake you made. That, right now is a terrible time for you and you had so much on your mind.
I highly suggest marriage counseling and personal counseling for yourself. Your marriage can be saved, you just need help working on it, compromising, and having your husband gain back trust. You'll need personal counseling for grief and so that you can learn to cope with your mothers death but have someone there to lend an ear.

Answer 3

(((Kathleen))) My condolences on the loss of your Mother, I am so sorry. That certainly isn't an easy situation to be dealing with, and now, your husband having walked out. Your plate is a full one.

While grief is different for everyone, additional stress added to it (husband leaving) can compound everything by intensifying your feelings of loss. You may even feel a sense of abandonment. You didn't mention if you have children, relatives close by, perhaps a brother or sister, aunt? But here, it is very important to (as quickly as you can) seek support through communication, even when you may not feel like talking, it is comforting to have someone around, especially with you husband gone now. Make contact by phone if you have even a friend you can talk with. The main thing is to not be alone right now if possible.

It's important to have a network at this time. Comfort is equally important... and perhaps that is what you were seeking when you wrote the emails to an old friend. We act and react different ways when we suffer a loss... it may have been a way of reaching out. Don't be hard on yourself Kathleen. You're going through enough already.

I understand that you don't have coverage for counseling, but I will suggest here that your local hospital may have a Chaplain who deals with loss frequently and may be able to talk with you. Also, check your local newspaper for community services. In my area, there are several support groups for grief/loss, either through a church or with someone who has suffered loss themselves and has started a group for just that purpose, to help others.

Try thinking about one thing at a time for now... the rest will fall into place as it should. Apologize to your husband when you get the chance... and Kathleen, try to take care of yourself for now, seek the comfort... seek other's out, communicate as much as you can... and let the tears flow.

I wish you the best Kathleen.

Answer 4

pray